Beauties and a Skank

Last week was the "Womens Tell All" for The Bachelor. I wasn't going to blog about it because it seemed pointless but I figured if I'm going to keep the integrity of my weekly blogs (integrity and The Bachelor is what we like to call an oxymoron kids) I figured I might as well.

"Tonight on The Bachelor we discuss the most controversial woman of 2010 TV history"

sorry that was an interruption from Chris Harrison letting you know that something big unimportant was gonna go down on the show.

Jake talked about some of the girls on the show...how Elizabeth was a tease (she eventually agreed) and how Rozlyn was a

"And coming later...the girl that rocked Bachelor history"

Sorry....Chris again. Reminding us that something monumental ridiculous was going to happen later. Just in case we got Alzheimer's all of a sudden.

Later they talked to all the girls about all the girls. My favorite part was when they talked about Tenley. Some comments about Ten were:
Gia: "Its like she dropped out of a Disney movie, nobody is that happy!" (told ya...princess figurines)
and Vienna got some "hey you're kinda funny instead of just funny looking" points when she said:
" I think she must dream in cartoons"

"And later the moment you've all been waiting for. The woman that had everyone talking for weeks. Rozlyn is here."

Chris seriously calm down. I didn't even talk about it for an hour after it happened. Slow your roll.

They talked to Gia who has the most beautiful mermaid hair I've ever seen. I want it. She's still blaming herself for her exit on the show. I wish she would stop that.

Chris threw uni-bomber AKA "Michelle" under the bus a few times and that was great fun.

They also had a special segment on "The Bachelor gives back" (and no they are not talking about their contribution to the rise in STD's our community has seen).

Then "the moment we were all waiting for" finally happened.
Rozlyn came out and denied everything and I haven't seen such a solid testimony since Bill Clinton back in 1998.
It then turned into a Roz vs. C-Hizzle showdown

She was pretty much just a horrible person who tried desperately (and unsuccessfully) to throw Chris Harrison and the show under the bus. She was successful at making herself look like an icky skank basket though so...at least she had that. Finally in the end Chris gave us this delicious little sound bite "ya know Rozlyn it's kind of reminding me of when my son is telling me this big elaborate story and he's talking about unicorns and magicians and I finally say 'Son, isn't the simplest story the truth?'"
Props Chris. Mad props.

Jake came on the show and said that when he sent Gia home his "heart was crying" and then he talked about how Tenley makes "his heart smile" and he said they all had "beautiful souls" and I vomited in my mouth.
I'm so over you Jake!
Tonight we find out who he picked. I'm going to vote that he didn't pick either...just sayin.

Also next week we get to watch the doucheist Bachelor of all time...
Jason


and his creepy eyed second pick Molly


tie the knot.

(anyone remember this....?)


the shocking finale of the Jason/Molly wedding is when we find out at the alter that the girl he's always been in love with is Kari. The girl who left week 2.

I'm sick just thinking about it.

Keep your brown paper sacks ready for tonight. It should be highly nauseating.