Did you leave directions to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe before you died? Has anyone even checked on them!? I'm very concerned.
Dear Debbie Downers,
I really hate when people are a total bummer like we don't live in a world where you can listen to Prince songs ANYTIME YOU WANT. Chill out and listen to "Purple Rain" y'all. It's on YouTube. FOR FREE.
Sometimes after I've gone to bed you're all "Hey I'm awake let's party!" and I'm all "Shut up we have to get up at 6 AM" and then you whisper "Shhhh no we don't, we have to wikipedia whatever happened to the music group All-4-One" and that's exactly what we do.
I totally envy you because you can spit on ANYONE, and then shrug it off like "Don't blame me, bro. I'm a camel. We spit. It's a thing."
Dear Andy Cohen,
I love you. I want to be your best friend. Thank you for all you've given me. And thank you for your hilarious book which is the best thing I've ever read. If I had a nightlight, it would be a little rotating paper lamp with cutouts of Real Housewives scenes glistening on my wall....in your honor.
You should create a reality show competition to cast the Spice Girls musical called "If You Wannabe On Broadway". Yes? Yes!
Sorry for the Level 10 meltdown I had when I couldn't find the Advil. I wish I could promise that it will never happen again but I'm clearly emotionally unstable.
Still love me?
I hope you have a great weekend! Thanks for sticking with me! I adore you.