"You can dip me forever"

I know the title of this post might confuse you. It surely confused me. Oh but Tenley said them so really we shouldn't be that confused...

Welcome to The Bachelor Week 7
Which I've come to the conclusion is the number of different forms of VD they will all have contracted by the end of the season.

This episode opened up with a heart broken Ali who is back in San Francisco. Strangely though she is back in a HOTEL in San Francisco. And next to her bed she has these glossy prints of Jake next to her bed...


Yeah ABC this show isn't scripted AT ALL right?

Meanwhile Jake and his harem are on the island of St. Lucia which looks kind of like the same island on "Lost". I will not lie that I was hoping the smoke monster would come and kill all of them. Or at least all those who are cross eyed.

But it did not.

Gia aka Spider Monkey had the first date with Jake.

They went around and slummed it with the locals (because apparently girls from Manhattan can't have fun on an island without humbling themselves). They walked around, drank coconut milk, and Jake showed off his brilliant reggae style dance moves....cough cough...right.

Gia said something about them ending up in the Bermuda Triangle which frankly would have been fine with me. They made out on a beach and felt like "the only 2 people in the world" umm except for those 40 camera men/crew on the beach right?

And of course Chris Harrison had his sleazy "Fantasy Suite" cards to give out- on a side note: do you think he hand writes them himself? And if so does that weird him out?

Of course Gia said yes. We all saw what happened to Corrie when she said she wouldn't spend a night with Jake.

Then we moved on to Tenley.

She is way too sweet for Jake and surprisingly too mature. She also agreed to spend the night with Jake. I felt really bad for her because she expresses to Jake how she had never spent the night with a man besides her ex husband and how she hadn't since then and then she took that huge move with Jake. Then Jake holds what they had entirely sacred and moves on to

Cross Eyed Sausage!

I would be disgusted to know that I had spent the night with someone and then he went and spent the night with that thing the very next night. It just really is in poor taste. Speak of the devil...literally... Jake's next date was with the one and only Vienna.
They took a ride on a pirate ship (allegedly the same one from "Pirates of the Carribbean- Johnny Depp would be proud...or disgusted). Jake said that he "feels like a kid with her" which I don't know kind of sounds like a problem but considering the fact that Vienna relates marriage to pre-school I'm really not surprised.
At one point Vienna walked off the plank. Literally.


I wish the boat would have left her behind or at least the croc from "Peter Pan" would come along...

but neither of these things happened.
He later asked her what kind of ring she would want. She said a ring pop and they made out.
(Ok not really but practically....)

Then we finally get to Ali who calls Jake, apologizes, and asks for another chance. Jake says no. Apparently last week when he told her he was falling in love with her and that she would have stayed another week- well those feelings ran about as deep as a puddle because he was over it by the following week. He explains that he was now in love with the 3 he had and not Ali. Love comes very quickly for him...I guess about as long as it takes for a girl to say yes to the fantasy suite.

Jake then dramatically opens the window in his hotel room because the emotion was so suffocating. And I vomited a little in my mouth.

In the end Jake said good bye to poor little spider monkey. She was shocked.


I really was starting to like Gia too but I'm glad he let her go because she deserves better. What I hated was at the end when Jake was saying good bye to her and she APOLOGIZES TO HIM saying "I'm sorry I couldn't open up"...I hate that girls on this show immediately blame themselves for everything. Gia I promise you Jake is a douche. Do not feel bad at all!!!

And as far as Ali goes I'm glad he didn't give her another chance because she deserves better too and I'm hoping she'll be the next Bachelorette.

I'm saying now as I have said for the last 3 weeks Jake is picking Vienna.
Have fun with she-Wes Jake.
So basically he will end up alone.
Ya never know though...maybe they'll have him on for a second season.

The Bachelor: Your Flight Has Been Delayed

Next week is the "Women Tell All" special which I am really looking forward to. I think it will be the most interesting part of the season.
And I can't wait to see what uni bomber has to say for herself.

Until next week....Don't accept fantasy suite cards from anyone ok? You will end up in a free clinic somewhere.