Ok if I have to...

I know. It's been a week. An entire week since The Bachelor was on. I'm not a slacker. I knew I had to do it. I was in denial. I hate this show. Why do I watch it?

It was home town dates for the ladies. We started with Gia who I have nicknamed "Spider Monkey" (if this whole thing doesn't work out for her maybe Ella will adopt her) because Jake is always carrying her around.
They went to New York to meet her family. They were ok but what the F-Bomb was up with Spider Monkey's brother's hair?
Are you trying to be a guido???
If so you are do white and too dorky.

Off to Massachusetts to visit Ali and her family.
They are so seriously sweet it makes my teeth hurt. She looked absolutely gorgeous and they had fun with each other without being cheesy/weird. Jake even asked Ali's mom if it would be ok with her if he ended up proposing to Ali in the end.
A-DORE-A-BLE!!!!

Then to Oregon to visit Tenley's family
Once again Ten is bringing up the ex and her tears that she packed all that EXTRA BAGGAGE she is carrying around with her.
She did a dance for Jake. That she choreographed. It was so weird. Kind of like a tall 5 year old performing for her parents. Except it was to a famous wedding song. Did I mention it was weird???
Her Mom mentioned that she is "a totally different girl than the last time I saw her"...umm hello yes Alex? I'll take emotional basketcase for $500 please.

Then down to Florida where Jake pushed Vienna off their boat and the gators ate her (they found however that they were still hungry after because all she is is AIR).
Sorry I was briefly living out a fantasy I had.
She once again reiterated the fact that she was engaged to her high school sweetheart who she then broke up with. Then once he became engaged she ran off with some random. Wow you are SO MATURE right now Vienna. I bet you are really ready for a real relationship. (Also can we talk about how she was surprised when she saw the alligators? Haven't you lived here your whole life?).
The dog was dressed up. Enough said.
Then she introduced Jake to Daddy Warbucks...oh sorry her dad.

Her relationship with her dad made me feel like I needed to go to therapy even though I was only watching it on TV.
She takes Jake into her bedroom (yes in her parents house where she still lives) and they start making out on her bed surrounded by pictures of her and her friends and prom and such. Her dad barges into the room and tells them he'll be waiting outside for them.
High School called and wants it's story line back.

I had to briefly pause because my blood pressure was getting dangerously high.

My friend Jason and I have this thing called "HGLT" which stands for "Hate Guys Like That". Every so often we'll message each other something about some guy we see doing/wearing something that we hate. One time he sent me "guy with frosted tips HGLT"..."Guys who check themselves out in every mirror they pass HGLT". You get the picture. This was the message I sent that night.
"guy wearing a pooka shell necklace HGLT". Yes I'm talking to you Jake.

Ok so here we go with the "drama"

Ali announces to Jake that she has to leave because of her job (Bachelor writers? You've already written that story line before with Ed. Can we get some new material please?)

She decides to leave. She's sobbing says I love you and you see Jake squeezing his eyes like he is trying to force out tears. Then after she leaves he wipes his face like he has been sobbing uncontrollably when his face is DRY. It was so ridiculous. You really expect me to buy this crap?
All in all I was happy she left. He didn't really give her any real emotion to give her any indication he even liked her. Then if I walked in that room and saw:

Disney Princess Figurine Collector
Spider Monkey
Cross Eyed Little Orphan Annie

I would have looked at them and said ya know what Jake? If THESE are what you want I am not.

This week should be interesting. I don't even know if I can bring myself to watch. Last week took a lot out of me.

We'll see....

I found this video while searching for a picture of Gia's brother and thought it would suffice.

Enjoy.



and because I laughed so hard at this one here is one from last week...