Thursday, February 18, 2010

Things That Confuse Me

Disclaimer: I was under the influence of cold medicine, Diet Dr. Pepper, and Abba: Gold (the very best of Abba) while writing this...

Things that confuse me:
Why does my dad pretend to hate "The Bachelor" but is front and center every Monday night, soaking in every minute, making comments like "I hate girls like that!" his sophisticated/philosophical comments like "The more I think about it I think Jake is putting on this facade as some nice guy but he just a fake" or the more realistic "Jake is AN ID-I-OT" (giving the word "idiot" no less than 7 syllables)

At what point in my life did I decide that I needed every possible item of clothing with stripes on it?

(and this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg)
Stay away!!!

Why does Carrie Underwood have talent, brains, a hot fiance, and long legs too?

Why does "Jersey Shore" even exist and why do I watch it and have nicknamed myself Snooki?

Why did my mother let me wear outfits like this?

(the ghost face are a result of one of two things: first my pale face reflected the flash from the camera or second it was to hide my shame- take your pick)

Why are Russians trying to communicate with me via my printer?

Why do I deserve the coolest friends on the planet who send me Valentines Day cards with unicorns on them?

(if you were wondering yes that is real unicorn hair)

Why am I now going to talk about unicorns for another 3.7 seconds?

Why is this the coolest/trippiest/scariest movie ever?

Why do I wish I had a pet unicorn?

Why do I still not have a pet pygmy octopus?

Why do I have ADD?


Jen said...

ok... i have a lot to say.
mostly a comment about your last few blogs because:

1. my computer still hates bringing up the comment page, even though it's tiny and should be less difficult to bring up. whatever.

2. i love your add post. i laughed and laughed and laughed. your picture commentary about three horns and russians?! priceless. i wish there was a vanessa periodical so i could keep your greatness in print forever.

3. the last unicorn is dark and creepy, why does it also have to be sooooo magnetic?! i seriously love watching that movie for absolutely no rational reason.

4. i heart dischke takahome??? ok, i like him and i can't even write, pronounce, or completely remember his name. the mark of a true fan.

5.why don't you have a tiny octo-pet!?!?

6. monkeys in diapers?! however maybe we should get some matchy matchy leopard underoos..!?!? BFF LOL AKA MP3!!

7. living in FL, we were confronted with many a fire ant and i agree that they suck. when my fam and i were driving down to my grandpa's funeral, we stopped and i got bit/stung on the toe... i had a red bump for 2wks and it stung when anything touched it for half of that time [aka 7 days, in case you were not feeling subtractiony] this fact however, does not supercede the GROSSNESS OF THOSE SPIDERS WHO EAT YOU IN YOUR SLEEP. nasty.

8. this was long, but so worth it.
the end.

The Miranda's said... funny!

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