Disclaimer: I was under the influence of cold medicine, Diet Dr. Pepper, and Abba: Gold (the very best of Abba) while writing this...
Things that confuse me:
Why does my dad pretend to hate "The Bachelor" but is front and center every Monday night, soaking in every minute, making comments like "I hate girls like that!" his sophisticated/philosophical comments like "The more I think about it I think Jake is putting on this facade as some nice guy but he just a fake" or the more realistic "Jake is AN ID-I-OT" (giving the word "idiot" no less than 7 syllables)
At what point in my life did I decide that I needed every possible item of clothing with stripes on it?
(and this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg)
Why does Carrie Underwood have talent, brains, a hot fiance, and long legs too?
Why does "Jersey Shore" even exist and why do I watch it and have nicknamed myself Snooki?
Why did my mother let me wear outfits like this?
(the ghost face are a result of one of two things: first my pale face reflected the flash from the camera or second it was to hide my shame- take your pick)
Why are Russians trying to communicate with me via my printer?
Why do I deserve the coolest friends on the planet who send me Valentines Day cards with unicorns on them?
(if you were wondering yes that is real unicorn hair)
Why am I now going to talk about unicorns for another 3.7 seconds?
Why is this the coolest/trippiest/scariest movie ever?
Why do I wish I had a pet unicorn?
Why do I still not have a pet pygmy octopus?
Why do I have ADD?