Brief Interlude with Jen

I love my friend Jen. I love texting her. Especially on Bachelor night. Here are some recent conversations we had.

Bachelor night...
J: I love how Chris deals with rozlyn. "what is the truth in your mind?"
V: did you see when the bachelors and gang "give back" to the community? Is it their way of giving something back besides herpes?
J: hahaha true that...oh my chris compares roz's story about not having an affair to his son telling him stories about unicorns and wizards. awesome.
V: Oh my goodness I love Chris Harrison
J: Tell me about it.

A few days later....
V: I'm at a restaurant where all the waiters are dressed like pirates and there is a pirate ship and pirate treasure AND a pirate band. I wonder if they do weddings?
J: We can only hope. I mean aaarrrgggghhhh
V: And our waiter is dressed like Jack Sparrow, walks like him AND talks like him. I just found my husband.
J: hahaha you have the whole wedding cast right there! find a captain. you can get married tonight!
V: I left my peg leg at home.
J: Oh never mind, you can't get married without your good leg.
V: The captain is probably the guy with the balloon animal parrot right? I mean that's a pretty solid indicator.
J: I'd bet me beard n' a fish stick matey


Next day...
V: Do you have cable?
J: Amish cable (no)
V: Ha ha I was just going to tell you about this show called Psych that you would love. And Ally Sheedy guest starred on it. Bonus!
J: haha- we actually own the first 3 seasons on DVD
V: Oh my goodness how have we never discussed this before. This show cracks me up
J: It was love at first obscure 80's reference
V: OH MY GOSH THAT is why you are my best friend
J: I have often thought of us as shawn and guster however i think shawn is your soulmate
V: that is most definitely true.

Thanks for being my friend Jen. I love these texts.

in case you were wondering...

my job interview went great thanks for asking.

It was somewhere in between here...


and here...

2 things...

One of these commercials makes me laugh hysterically....



One gives me chills every time I see it...

i love johns and johnnys...

I love Johns. Guys named John/Johnny. 2 of my favorites.

Johnny

John. John Robie that is.

need your help again

So the first thing I do when I get my tax refund is to get my hot mess of hair done. Seriously roots like a tree do not suit me. Here is the hairstyle I'm thinking...

I want to get some of the dead ends off and then blonde on top with some red underneath (so you can only see it when it's half way up or in a pony tail)...in the manner of Callie from "The Real World"

color on top...


and underneath...


What do you think???

want

I really really want a dog. I want a white mini-Pomeranian.

I will name her Lola.

She will wear a tutu at all times.

And I will sing "her name was Lola she was a show dog"

In my very best impression of Barry Manilow.

Oh I want I want I want.

guess what...?

I have a job interview on Thursday! I'm so ready to kick butt in my interview looking totally polished and sophisticated and own them the same way Melanie Griffiths did in "Working Girl".

Maybe without the perm and shoulder pads though?

confessions of a 23 year old drama queen...

So it's confession time. There are a couple of things I do that are just a little on the creepy side. Not like Fatal Attraction creepy just...girly creepy (I cross my heart and hope to die there is a difference). One of these things started way back. Frankly it started when I was 6 and got my first bike, progressed when I was in junior high and had friends with older sisters and cars, and then really peaked in high school.
It was during this time that I had become a master at my art - the art of the "drive-by". This is an ancient and sacred ritual of the high school female, and today I shall enlighten you.

A drive-by is the act of driving (or biking...) by the house of any and all boys that you had a crush on. Often these boys did not know you existed. Especially for me and my friends; because our drive-by prey during this time period were all members of the football team and all Justin Timberlake gorgeous. Therefore, we loved them.

The purpose of the drive-by is two fold.

1. Confirming the male specimen is in fact at home.
2. Feel the aura of his presence by driving by his residence, resulting in giggles and shrieks.

There are several ways a drive-by can be successful, and there are several ways it can fail. Here are some key points:

• Success is confirmation he is home, and therefore not at another girl's house. This is usually done by spotting his car in the driveway. Remember to giggle and yell, "He's home!"
• Success is finishing the job unnoticed. This is key. Drive-by's are to be done in complete secrecy. If the male notices you, your friends, and your car; you have failed. Now you must quickly come up with an excuse of why you were driving by his house at 10:00pm at night while listening to sappy love music. Heaven forbid you just stop and talk to him and explain you were coming by to see what he was up to - that would be ridiculous. Best to just drive away really fast.

I was remembering this ritual a few weeks ago when I went on another drive by. I know I'm like way too old and mature to be doing this now so let's just call it...browsing. I was browsing through a certain neighborhood under the darkness of night and just making sure everything was going ok. At a certain house. At a certain house that a certain person I've been in love with like for forever lives at. This time I went with my friend Jess and we got kind of lost but we found it in the end. We laughed, we screamed, we laughed some more. It was so fun and made us feel like kids/spies. It was a blast.

As for the other creepy things I do well...those will have to wait for another day. One of them may or may not involve the fake "I'm taking a picture of my friends while really taking a picture of the hotties behind them".

In the meantime here are some great pictures from my old drive-by days...

all the people in the next few pictures were involved in drive-bys in one way or another. Don't ever let them tell you otherwise.

While the cats away...

the mice will play.

My parents went out of town this weekend to St. George so it was just us kids until today. We actually had a ton of fun. Here is a secret you may not know about me...I thrive when I get to be in charge. Shocking right?

Here is another secret of mine...I always used to want to be a single mom. I know it sounds really weird but even now when I'm watching that "Teen Mom" show and they are all on there with their babies by themselves I'm like I could totally do that (which may defeat the purpose of the show). I just like looking at a huge challenge, making a list, and getting things done. So I got to play single mom to 3 kids and it was actually a lot of fun. I played games with Kian, planned meals, prepared meals, cleaned the kitchen, picked up bedrooms, picked up the bathroom, got Kian to and from school, gave Kian baths, made sure everyone had their medicines, made beds and laughed a lot. (and had dance parties)

It was a lot of tough work. It felt like just when one meal was done and over with and you had just gotten the kitchen sparkling clean...it was just about time to make another one. And of course the complaints about what you made. I heard "I don't like meat!" about a thousand times from my brother who has been a vegetarian since exiting the womb...I have no idea why.

While Kian was snug in bed with his video and his blankie my sisters and I watched all the past seasons of "One Tree Hill" on DVD and it was just so fun.

On Sunday I even decided to be fancy and made everybody home made (like from SCRATCH) Apple Cinnamon pancakes. They were delish!

• 1 1/2 cups of flour
• 1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 3/4 tsp salt
• 1 cup milk
• 1 egg beaten
• 1 TBs sugar
• 1/4 cup melted butter
• 2 cups sliced, peeled apples (about 2 apples)

combine dry ingredients
combine wet ingredients
incorporate wet ingredients into dry ingredients
stir until smooth
fold in apples and fry until golden brown

The results....

Practice Round...


And the masterpieces...

We had some positive reviews...but the one who mattered most said that they were "the best pancakes EVER!"
Here is video proof

All in all a fantastic weekend and we all can't wait for mom and dad to leave again!

Happy Things...

While I'm making lists I decided to make a list of happy things.

• Hershey's Cookies 'n Cream Bars

• shopping at Target

• Popcorn+diet coke+ Glee

• your favorite clothing item/handbag/pair of shoes you've been longing for being on sale and everything is in just your size/favorite color

• weekend trips with friends named Jessica

• Literal videos on YouTube like this one here

• a new box of crayons/markers/colored pencils (with maybe a princess coloring book...but definitely not if some hot guy is reading this right now)

• Wal-Mart at 1 in the morning

• "Don't Stop Believin" by Journey
  

• little brothers who say funny things

• Channing Tatum in GQ magazine
  

Oh hey Channing do you need any help working on that car in your tuxedo? I am most definitely available.

Taking Inventory

Today I decided to take an inventory of my talents. Don't hide your light under a bushel you guys. List your lights on a blog.

Things I am good at:

• spending money at Target
• making mixed CD's
• finding things to distract me from the things I really should be doing
• being not tan
• hoarding magazines
• bossing people around
• Lego Batman on the Wii
• identifying the source of bad smells
• loading the dishwasher
• straightening my hair
• consuming enough diet coke to make the 80% of my body which is water virtually non-existent
  
• applying eyeliner in a very precise yet messy manner
• remembering random facts about absolutely nothing
• knowing song lyrics and singing those lyrics in an American Idol like fashion
  

Who knew I had so many lights? I'm like really fabulous...lest I get too cocky let's discuss my non-talents...

Things I am not good at:

• throwing a ball
• paying attention to my surrounding while walking or driving
• drinking water
• having patience
• saving money
• getting to my cell phone before it goes to voicemail
• being on time all the time
• taking orders
  
• sewing
• sending mail (I always write letters and make packages for people but the minute I have to find a stamp I feel it is just too difficult and the said package ends up sitting in my room staring at me making me feel guilty)
• hula hooping (but really who is over the age of 5?)
• flossing

There that should suffice.

Evan Wins Gold

Remember when I told you about the new love of my life and he became my boyfriend of the week?



I wrote him a letter...


I'm really really starting to get into the Olympics.

Great Grandma Maxine

Got the word yesterday that my Great Grandma passed away on Thursday night. Such sad news. I must say it is not completely unexpected. She was 95 and just 4 months ago we were ready to say our goodbyes because she was so sick. I must say that having the opportunity to spend her last birthday with her and talk to her and tell her I love her is such a sweet memory now that she is gone. The last time I had a grandparent die I didn't get that opportunity and I never felt the peace and closure that comes from losing someone you love. My great grandma Maxine was an incredible woman. I have many great memories of her that include hugs, Tin Roof Sundae ice cream, and laughs. She will be missed by us but received by many who love her including her husband.

This was the picture taken at her birthday with my Dad. Just a little over a week ago.

kind of famous

Two things happened to me which make me kind of famous. First I am an avid viewer of The Bonnie Hunt Show. She is wonderful and great and funny. Well they have a section on her website where you can send in suggestions for guests she should have on her show. I emailed her a while back and told her she should have Dr. Travis on. Because he's cute and a doctor so it would be like informative. But also he's cute. Well on Monday Dr. Travis was on! And I'm like 100% positive it's because of me. Also my greatest friend Jen started a new blog. She pretty much makes magic with a sewing machine. She is just so creative and crafty and I totally admire and am jealous of her talents (as my family will attest....I am NOT a seamstress). Well she asked if I would contribute to her blog from time to time with fashion tips and I was honored! So welcome to fashion tip Friday! I even have a pseudonym which is just so fabulous I can hardly contain myself.

Have a very fashionable Friday
XOXO
The Fashionista

*Be awed by Jen's talent and hear my sage advice by clicking HERE

Beauty...

Makes my feet ache. Makes me wish I had stayed in my ballet shoes longer. Staggeringly beautiful.

Fiscally and Financially (ir)responsible

Uncle Sam has given me a gift in the form of Tax Refund. It is my favorite. This year I was informed that I would get $800 back from my country. It made me happy. So being the responsible 23 year old girl I am I sat down and made a list of every possibility for its use. Here is what I came up with:

-Clothes. I heart clothes. Right now I am especially obsessed with
boyfriend cardigans. Um so cute.

via Old Navy

And pretty much everything from Anthropologie





and the Holy Grail of all trenchcoats.....


ahh....

Also to go with clothes are accessories such as (but not limited to) scarves, handbags, earrings, necklaces, obnoxious cocktail rings etc...obviously...some current faves

via Anthropologie


via Anthropologie


via Charlotte Russe

via Charlotte Russe (Turquoise is so a new thing for me right now BTW)


via Anthropologie


Hand stamped Love necklace via Lisa Leonard Designs


via Anthropologie (if I were a necklace...this would be me)


I Love You ring by Tiffany & Co.


via Anthropologie


A TV


A FlipCam (a HelloKitty flipcam obviously...)

you have now been hypnotized


800 things at the dollar store

Or I could...

pay some money on my credit card
I got a letter yesterday that said "Get the credit you deserve!". I already have the credit I deserve. I want the credit that someone with a responsible financial history deserves.

save it

any suggestions?

procrastination

instead of showering today this is what I did instead....

there is a website called "photobombs" about times when things/people creep in the background of photos or jump in front of them and such. they are hysterical. here are a few of my faves.

If you don't invite Jason Voorhees, it's not like he won't kill all your friends...


Just checking in...



Am I alone in thinking the boy in the back doesn't like babies?


Dunham Park- where your mistakes are forever


"I'm just practicing Mom!"


and my own photobomb



and one unforgettable one from my friend Kristin that I laugh so hard I cry every time I see it.

Kristin if you want me to I will remove this picture since it was taken without permission. However you should at least send it to the website.

and of course cakewrecks.blogspot.com
Oh. My. Gosh. If you ever want to laugh until you puke go here please. They have pictures of all these cakes that have gone terribly wrong either with spelling or when some shape does not look like it's supposed to. Here are 2 sections I would like to share with you:

Welcome Baby

Good friends, the Hooks and Slices always hoped their little ones might one day grow up and fall in love. However, little James' love of the open sea and life-long distaste of children would eventually drive Sally to drinking and raising teacup poodles. (Although after the ASPCA stepped in, she was forced to stick to just raising them.)

Do you suppose a kid named "Finally" could ever get addressed in a non-sarcastic manner?

I mean, think about it: "Finally! You're here!"

And finally lastly, my personal favorite:

Ah yes, Luca Joeseph Kiwi Mango - that's the name of kings, right there.

Tasty, fruity kings.

and...

Cakes Only A Mother Could Love

I think the following cakes are really special. Like seeing a beautiful newborn for the first time, these baby shower cakes leave me… well, speechless.

What a coincidence! E.T. was on my TV today, too!

Ethan... phone home...
(and tell your parents Jersey Shore called. They want their tan back.)

"Hi, bakery? I have a baby shower coming up. Do you make cupcakes?"

"Baby shower CUP cakes? Yeah. We can 'handle' that."

If you squint your eyes, it’s actually not a baby at all, but a bronzed, muscular man in a wife-beater popping out of the cup. See it? See it? Let’s call him Joe. He must be posing for his mug-shot. Just look at those eyes! He really knows how to espresso himself, doesn't he?

Productive day in my book.

Things That Confuse Me

Disclaimer: I was under the influence of cold medicine, Diet Dr. Pepper, and Abba: Gold (the very best of Abba) while writing this...

Things that confuse me:
Why does my dad pretend to hate "The Bachelor" but is front and center every Monday night, soaking in every minute, making comments like "I hate girls like that!" his sophisticated/philosophical comments like "The more I think about it I think Jake is putting on this facade as some nice guy but he just a fake" or the more realistic "Jake is AN ID-I-OT" (giving the word "idiot" no less than 7 syllables)

At what point in my life did I decide that I needed every possible item of clothing with stripes on it?

(and this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg)
Stay away!!!


Why does Carrie Underwood have talent, brains, a hot fiance, and long legs too?


Why does "Jersey Shore" even exist and why do I watch it and have nicknamed myself Snooki?

Why did my mother let me wear outfits like this?

(the ghost face are a result of one of two things: first my pale face reflected the flash from the camera or second it was to hide my shame- take your pick)

Why are Russians trying to communicate with me via my printer?


Why do I deserve the coolest friends on the planet who send me Valentines Day cards with unicorns on them?

(if you were wondering yes that is real unicorn hair)

Why am I now going to talk about unicorns for another 3.7 seconds?

Why is this the coolest/trippiest/scariest movie ever?


Why do I wish I had a pet unicorn?


Why do I still not have a pet pygmy octopus?


Why do I have ADD?