I watch TV so you don't have to. You're Welcome.

I watch too much TV. This is always the most apparent when I find myself in a loop of one insane show to another and I realize I've just spent 3 hours of my time being totally mindless.  So...to save you from my same fate I would like to share what you've missed this week in television.

First....Teen Mom 2 on MTV
What a filthy hot mess.  Here is the run-down:

How horrible of a person would I be if I said that the Kailyn girl has the ugliest baby I've ever seen?  And how horrible are you for agreeing with me?

Are all the baby daddys trying out for the next season of Tool Academy?  Like...are these their audition tapes?  If so...it's in the bag.  Except for camo-wearing, bad teeth, redneck guy.  He's super sweet.....but....you can't really look like that and be a douche.

Leah and Corey and their twin girls are adorable and awesome.  Don't ever change!!!

Jenelle and her lip pierced boyfriend toking it up in the car....super classy.  And a good way to show your speech-impediment Mom what a responsible adult you are.

Hey Jenelle...here are some of my favorite pictures of you and your Mom

How sweet.

The cops showed up for a domestic dispute so.....you know it's a good time.

Then there's always a sappy end montage....wow.  That was fun.

Now onto American Idol

First of all....getting rid of Kara Dioihatedyousomuchi'msogladyou'regone  or DioGuardi....was the BEST thing they ever did. The combo of her and Randy was just too much.

And replacing her with Jenny from the Block and Steven "bedroom eyes" Tyler....GENIUS!

Now...that being said.  American idol kids you crafty jerks....seducing me and pulling me in by singing ALL my favorite songs.  It's just not fair.

Beard guy....I love you.  Don't ever change.

Country girl...you're the only girl I like.

Weird guy....I love you.  Don't ever change.

Paul McDonald: Come Pick Me Up - Performances (click on that....just....watch him)

Then...we had another guy

 who said he was going to sing R.Kelly...so naturally I'm thinking he's going to sing "Ignition"...(it's the remix to ignition...hot 'n fresh out the kitchen...c'mon you know you're singing) aka...the best song R.Kelly ever sang....but NO..."I Believe I Can Fly"....BOORRRINNNGGG  and SO typical.  I believe you can fly....far far away (he does have an incredible voice however...so good job for that.)

Next girl is all..."I'm going to sing Michael Jackson" so I'm thinking "Dirty Diana" aka my favorite MJ song of all time.  But NO...."Smile" which actually belongs to Charlie Chaplin....GET OFF THE STAGE!!!

Let's see what this next kid is going to deliver....it better be good.....
....nope.
He reminded me of David Archuleta only less gay.  Or maybe more.  Either way...it hurt me.

Then the Latina girl gets up and sings a Selena song...way to break the stereotype.

Everyone shhhh.....my country boy lover is on next......

J.Lo is seducing my country boy lover with her eyes...and so is Steven Tyler....step off he's mine!!!!

Then came nasty dredlocks girl....who says she's going to sing Rihanna (shocker).

Who wants to bet it's going to be "Love the Way You Lie"?
Oh no....no....please Alah no....not Umbrella....
I really think she got her outfit from a dumpster like...for real.  And now she's Rastafarian rapping.....STOP PLEASE NOW

If Randy says "yo" one more time...I'm gonna burn this mother down...yo.

Now Steven Tyler is seducing me with his eyes...and I like it.

Then teeny tiny Ryan Seacrest came on....vote..blah blah blah...I'm 4'2"...blah blah blah.
The end.

That was a hot mess.  Speaking of hot messes....has anyone seen Paula Abdul lately?

Oh Paula.
I miss you.

Now I'm going to watch the new season of Real World and Jersey Shore....never before have I been so grateful that the herp cannot be transferred through television.

Until next time!  Keep your remotes nearby and your HPV shots up to date.

And just for fun...here's a video of Steven Tyler molesting girls with his words.