i would love to fly to the moon but i can't...

said in a british accent. like simon cowell. because he is the one who said that in response to a poor unsuspected auditioner who said "i would love to be a singer".

that's right folks....AMERICAN IDOL IS BACK!

are you excited? i was.
first we head out to Boston

posh spice aka mrs. david beckham, aka victoria beckham, aka MY IDOL was a guest judge the first night. i just love her. she is so major. anyone remember when she had that 1 hour special about them moving to LA and she met her neighbors???


MAY-JA...

anyway she was fab as usual on American Idol. If we could keep her on permanently I may continue to watch the show after Simon leaves. WHAT??!! Yes. Simon is leaving next season. I'm so heartbroken. I was fully convinced that Simon and Paula were going to fall in love and have crazy hyper-critical children.

Besides I love little kids with British accents. They are like miniature sophisticated adults.

Moving on to those other 2 horrible judges that sit next to Simon. Honestly I would leave the show too.

Randy...what is growing on your face? And why are you ALWAYS surprised that someone can sing good? And how many "best vocals no doubt we've seen"...have we seen? And one last thing...what is with the made up numbers? "A million gazillion thousand trillion five yes". Go to school.


And of course Kara DioIwishyouhadleftinsteadofpaulabecauseyouannoyme.

Or DioGuardi
You are always so angry all the time. And seriously I know that you are like supposedly a singer but do you have to prove it by silently lip syncing along with everyone who auditions????
Stop that.
And how many people are you going to tell they have soul? Just because you don't have a soul doesn't mean you need to tell everyone else how great of one they have.
Just sayin.

Ryan? Ryan? Seacrest? Oh sorry I didn't see you there behind that grain of rice. Boom! Roasted.
You're still prettier than me.


Moving on to my favorite contestants...
Angry Clark Kent

I liked him because he riled Kara up so much. Yeah he was arrogant but so are you.

Hot Mormon guy aka Justin Williams
I'm in Utah now and I'm coming for you.


Moving onto Hot-lanta (or Atlanta...I've heard it both ways)
Mary J. Blige guest judged on this one and I felt so bad for her. She had this look on her face that said "what am I doing in this room with all these crazy white people" the entire show.


My favorite contestants in this city consisted of:
Guitar girl

She was great

Skii Bow Ski: he is like the Atlanta version of "The Situation"


and of course
Pants on the Ground

I want this as my ring tone

A few other observations I made:
Where do all those people run off to after their auditions? They always show them coming out of the building and then running manically down the street. Where is your car parked?

There are so many incredible 16 year olds out there! Oh my goodness when I was 16 I was still in my room listening to Britney Spears and fantasizing about marrying Justin Timberlake. Way to go teens!

Apparently since AI lost their hot mess on the show they have decided to spend a whole lot of time and money on weird/dramatic/terrible visual effects. Case in point....


Speaking of hot messes has anyone seen Paula Abdul lately?

Miss ya.

The southern tryouts never fail to bring out EVERY redneck hillbilly this great nation has to offer. And I love it.

All in all a great start.

In closing all I have to say is
pants on the ground pants on the ground lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.

True that.