Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Bachelor: Women Tell Us (once again) Not So Much

They should have named this season of The Bachelor "We All Have Daddy Issues" especially after the "Women Tell All" episode..  Have I mentioned a million times in the past how much I hate this episode?  It's the worst!  The women just sit in a circle and cry and act like it's perfectly normal for them to still be emotionally distraught over being rejected.  Guess what....IT'S NOT.  Just ask Brad's therapist.  I'm sure he would agree.

Chris Harrison opens up the show and he's added a new little hair spike.  Tres chic Chris....
He then announces that somewhere out there (hopefully on the same island as the smoke monster from "Lost") there is an entire "Bachelor Nation" of 500 people!  Basically it's Bachelor/Bachelorette rejects who now provide an endless supply of nasty for "The Bachelor Pad".
We then are shown a weird montage where so many things flash in front of me I just don't even know what's happening....and then I see him....crazy maybe deaf frog voice guy who is there to guard and protect some hearts....Mr. Crazy Tattoo Kasey everyone!  Now this is getting good....then we get to see Rozlyn (Ms. "I swear I didn't kiss a producer Chris!") and the guy who looked like he could be the Manning brothers even uglier brother, and Cross- Eyed Sausage is there too (I'm so shocked).
Then we get to see crazy Deaf Frog Voice Kasey make out with that tiara girl Erica from the season with the Prince!  He looks like he's guarding and protecting her tongue.
We get to hear this awesome quote "Vienna was best friends with Gia and slept with Wes behind her back" What is happening!??!
End montage.  This show is all downhill from here because that was fantastic.  That should've been it's own show.  Oh yeah, it is.  It's the Bachelor Pad.
Chris introduces the dumpees and once again I don't remember a lot of them.  Ashley H. got a weird make over that looks terrible...her hair is brown and she's made the unfortunate decision to go with bangs.  Brad was right to send her home.

Marissa speaks!  She's talking more tonight than she did in the 6 episodes she was on!

Everyone starts ganging up on Michelle which causes Michelle to break down...which causes Ashley to break down.  It's like the chewing tobacco/tilt-a-whirl scene from The Sandlot except with mascara.

For some reason Chris then brings the man Melissa down to sit in the "hot seat".  Man she looks like a man.

He keeps asking questions about her fight with the man-scaper and she doesn't really have anything to say.  The man-scaper blames the man for "ruining her chances with Brad" because "we REALLY had a connection!".  No I'm sorry it was actually your face that ruined your chances.

The man cries...we're at 3

Then it's uni-bomber 2 aka Michelle's turn in the hot seat.  She's already crying.  Stacy the bartender is still holding a grudge bigger than her nose about being rejected and apparently feels the need to express this grudge through hostility.  Towards Michelle.
I know Michelle was crazy but I kind of feel bad for her.  Especially after a lot of the girls said that you had to know Michelle because most of what she said during the season was just her sense of humor.  I can get that.  Especially when you have the majority of the house saying it.
Michelle gives a quote that pretty much sums up the evening "Did I really want Chantal to get attacked by monkeys!? No!"
A debate breaks out about Michelle's mothering because she left her daughter and is Emily getting brought into this?  No.  Why?  I guess because she didn't wish for monkey attacks.
Then it's finally over.  They spent way too much time and Kleenex on that.

Ashley S. is now in the "hot seat" and immediately cries and then whines about all her bad relationships.  Umm...you got to hang out with Seal ok cry baby so dry it up!  She wants more closure with Brad....the closure was...you didn't get a rose.

Ashely H. is next.  She cries.  That's 5.  She explains she was worried and insecure and she held back and she has a lot of regrets and meanwhile the producers are playing up their creepy carnival date like it was Leo and Kate on the freaking Titanic.

Finally Brad comes out and I can't believe they didn't have Shawntel to talk AT ALL.  Are you serious!?

They talk to Brad....Brad loves everyone..everyone loves Brad.  They show the blooper reel and it's good...there is a cameo by Brad's twin brother Chad...the most shocking Bachelor finale ever would be that it's actually been Chad the whole time.

Next week is the FINALE!!!  I'm really excited.  It's got to be Emily right???  You can't reject her!  You also can't look at Emily and Chantal in their dresses and pick Chantal.

Until next time!!!!


Beth said...

Seriously laughing out loud... I was going to say that I couldn't believe that Shawntel didn't say a single word! I love your commentary, if only we watched it together!! And I hated Michelle on the Bachelor but I liked her last night... she is like me, super sarcastic but comes of like a b... just like me haha! Love ya

The Miranda's said...

oh my heck..i noticed chris' hair too along with the Michelle haters! i read in a magazine today that the runner-up already has a boyfriend!

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