The other night at work was an interesting one filled with one exciting event or another. My first exciting event happened when one of my patients started getting a bit...shall we say...forgetful? at around 11:30 pm. She was in there talking to "people" that weren't there. So I went in to check on her when she started yelling...here is how the conversation progressed...
*"Hey (fill in blank name here) is everything ok?"
~"Someone better do something about that monkey"
* "What monkey?"
~"That monkey over there by the window"
...clearly we all know there is no said monkey by the window...
*"I don't see a monkey over by your window"
~"Well he's there and somebody better do something about it"
at this point I figure I will completely play into her monkey fantasies...it's really easier than trying to convince her otherwise...
*"Oh that monkey! Yeah he's nice though he won't hurt you...you're in the hospital and you are safe I'll be back to check on you in a little while...try and get some sleep"
30 minutes pass...I am casually walking past the room and now the patient is talking very angrily and waving her arms
*"What's going on?"
~"There's this darn monkey in my bed and he's growling at me"
~"Yes you shut up and get this monkey out of my bed!"
she's getting feisty now
*"Honey...I don't know how to get that monkey out of your bed..."
~"Well you better find someone who does!"
*"Ok I'll see what I can do..."
3 minutes pass and I re enter the room as the greatest invisible monkey catcher of all time...
*"Hi there (fill in the blank name) I heard you have a monkey problem? I'm here to take care of that for you..."
pretend to catch invisible monkey
*"Ok we've got him...I'm going to put him in this cage and we'll take care of him"
~"Well who does that monkey belong to?"
*"I'm not sure ma'am but we'll find out"
~"Yeah you better find out who is letting their monkey run around loose..where are you taking him?"
*"Well we'll probably take him to the zoo and then find out he belongs to ok?"
~"Yeah all right."
No more complaints of monkeys for the rest of the night. Who knew that catching invisible monkeys was in my job description...let alone something I would be so incredibly good at???
During that shift I also had a true blue celebrity as a patient and had another patient try to escape the floor in her birthday suit.
And no I don't work on the psych unit.