I'm Sorry

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I couldn't follow the 'rules' of being a lady.  I'm sorry that I fell in love with you before you could fall in love with me.  I'm sorry that I didn't know how to play hard to get.  I'm sorry that I wasn't mysterious enough.
I'm sorry that I was nice.  I'm sorry that I was 'kind' that I was unable to playfully hit you.  I'm sorry that I was too honest, that I didn't know how to keep secrets from you.  I'm sorry that I was considerate.  I'm sorry that I cared about your needs more than I did with mine.  I'm sorry for the time when I adjusted my schedule just so I could come out and support you when you asked me to.  I'm sorry that I didn't set many boundaries because I trusted you.  I'm sorry that I loved you as if I'd never been hurt.
I'm sorry that I was so sensitive.  I'm sorry that I had to take a minute or two to digest your sarcasm.  I'm sorry that I cared about you more than I should.  I'm sorry that I cared to the point where I over-analyzed the details just so I knew how to not hurt you.  I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to handle my emotions.  I'm sorry that I was willing to take extra steps to love you like I wished you could love me.  I'm sorry I was willing to face my fears for you.
I'm sorry.  I'm sorry that I can't change.  I'm sorry.

.....things I've wanted to say to someone but never did.

Letter To My 12 Year Old Self

Dear 12 year old self,
Hey girl.
Before you ask me when you'll look like Britney Spears and get that boy to ask you out....I've got to tell you something important.  Yes....shockingly enough there are more important things than boys asking you out.  I promise.
First: don't worry about looking like Britney Spears ok?  In 2007 she'll be worse off than you have ever been in your life.  The grass always looks greener on the other side (plus she's not even WITH Justin Timberlake anymore...and no you aren't either...but that's some bad news for another day).  You don't have to look like what you think is beautiful to be beautiful.  Don't worry about being blonde and thin and the most gorgeous girl in every room.  That won't happen but I promise you that in the end when you finally learn to love and accept yourself you will always be the most confident girl in the room and that's more important than temporary and shallow beauty anyway....it really is.  Love yourself for what makes you different.  All that time you spend doing things that seem weird to others will someday be what helps you have intelligent conversations with people.  You can be funny but also be smart because you have to be smart to get the joke.
Be kind.  Be loving.  These things don't make you a nerd.  They make you empathetic.  They make you a good friend.
Second: Show gratitude always.  Especially to Mom and Dad.  Yeah they're like sooooo annoying but it's only because they love you and sometimes you're a pain in the you know what (you're 12 so I'm still gonna keep this PG).  No matter how mean you are they will not stop loving you.  They will support you later when you need it.  Someday you'll live far away from them and you'll miss them so much you cry every night.  They will need you to love and support them through some really hard times so show them how grateful you are for everything they've done for you by trying to repay them.
Third: Forgive.  Forgive everyone.  People will hurt you in some very bad ways....you'll get through it.  If you don't forgive them you will become bitter and you'll only end up hurting yourself. So forgive generously.
Last: Don't let people push you around.  Figuring out how to be kind, loving, and forgiving while also not taking crap from anyone will be a balance that you may never figure out but keep trying.
And if all of that fails.....just pretend you're Beyonce and you'll be just fine.
xoxo

California Part Deux

Long over due I know.  I finally have a day off and nothing else going on!!!

The next 2 days were filled with candy and family which are among my very favorite things on earth.  We went to the Jelly Belly factory which was so fun!  I will say I was unimpressed by the tour but the actual factory and ALL THE THINGS YOU CAN BUY were the greatest.

 I was obsessed with the jelly beans hanging everywhere

 Hanging jelly beans AND twinkle lights??? 

Stop.  Is this heaven?

This is the same face I use to get boys

We also got to visit with my Aunt Judi, Uncle Don, cousins, and of course my Oma and Opa.  I've mentioned them before and it was so nice being able to visit with them.  They told some amazing stories and I was constantly amazed by the pure and beautiful love my Opa has for my Oma.  Oh it was so glorious.

Sorry it's taken me so long to update.  I wish I was one of those people who got paid to write my blog but unfortunately I'm not and I have a paying job and friends who need my attention (they're sooo needy) but I have a few things planned coming up......a lot has been on my mind and as I'm sure you're aware....that's always a terrifying thing.  Thanks for reading my little family update!!!

xoxo

V

I Lost My Head and Left My Heart In San Francisco

Hello!
I thought I'd give you an update on the last couple of weeks!  I took a much needed break from life and took a road trip with my family to California.  My Oma and Opa and several of my family members live right outside the San Francisco area and we decided to visit.  It was MARVELOUS.  There's something about the ocean that I could just be lost in forever.  It centers me in some weird way.  My sister was able to come down from Seattle and we had the best time.  I'm so grateful for my family and for the ties that bind me here on this funny place called Earth.

Here's some pictures of all the fun!

Day 1 San Francisco
San Francisco is my favorite city in the world and it did not disappoint! Ok....it kind of did.....I will now present you with the saddest story in the world.
The day was beautiful, sunny, perfect temperatures.  When we went to go see the Golden Gate Bridge it turned cloudy, rainy, and foggy.  You couldn't even see it at all which was so sad.  The End.
We did go to Golden Gate park though and see the Japanese tea garden which was gorgeous!

 Sea Lions on Fisherman's Wharf

 Golden Gate Bridge

 Alcatraz

 Sad Golden Gate Bridge that you can't even see :(

Loved the stairs at the Golden Gate Bridge though.  "Welcome" in all languages.

 Family fun in the Japanese tea garden

I've decided to cut down on how many pictures you have to scroll through at once (I don't want to turn into your grandparents making you watch slides of their vacation) I will separate this trip into 3 different posts.  

That way you have something to look forward too.....you're looking forward to it right?....RIGHT?!

I thought so.

xoxo

V

Happy Things

I'm feeling a little sappy today.  I'm not sure why but I just feel very lucky and blessed.  I think of all the amazing people I have in my life and I seriously almost weep.  I spent the weekend with my group of friends who I feel so lucky to have.  We're a rowdy bunch and we rag on each other but we laugh hysterically and when it all came down to it....I know they'd be there for me if I needed them.  I love our Tuesday night bowling nights and our Sunday "after hours" chats.  Bonfires, movies, games.....they're good eggs.

Friend dinner!

 Bonfires in the mountains....

Saturday lunch club

 Karyn made me a survival kit for gift....

 Conference watching, Facebook hacking, food making...we did a lot this weekend

We take better selfies than Ellen does

And NOW I get to spend the rest of the week with my family!  We're taking a vacation to California to visit more family and I'm so excited!!!!

Ahhhh life is good.

Who are you thankful for in your life.  Tell them.  

 I'm thankful for all of you too!  Your comments make my day so thank you thank you.

xoxo

V

Weekend Collage

weekend collage by vanessanelson featuring Clinique

Hello!!!  How was your weekend?  Mine was fantastic!  I had the weekend off and the weather was GORGEOUS so of course I went shopping ;)

Some of my FAVORITE things of the weekend were the new Lash Power Feathering mascara by Clinique especially paired with my all time favorite eyeshadow palette "Neutral Territory 2" and Cheek Pop blush in "Berry Pop" also by Clinique!  I went and visited my favorite former co-worker Natalie (y'all should check out her blog too....she and her husband are INSANELY talented musicians) who now works for Laura Mercier and picked up one of my all time favorite lip glosses "Opal" and a new one called "Azaela" that I'm OBSESSED with :)  

I listened to Miguel's song "Simplethings" pretty much on repeat all weekend.  I'm so glad the weather is warming up and we could drive with the windows down, break out the maxi skirts, and SANDALS.

I hope the weather is nice where you are too :)

Hopefully I have time to post this week.  We are going into gift at the Clinique counter which, as my long-time readers know,  is the time my brain starts to malfunction, I live on Diet Coke and crackers, and I self-medicate with NyQuil sooooo basically.....it's the Hunger Games.  

But I love these crazies I work with so it makes it worth it!

Leave me a happy little note about your weekend :)

xoxo 

V

A Night at the Jr. High Dance....

You know those nights that just take you back?  Back to times of barefoot summers playing in sprinklers, passing notes in class, and hoping that your crush notices you at the dance?  I have vivid memories of those Jr. high dances.  Everyone dancing hard and fast to "Tubthumbing" and then panicking when a slow jam comes on.  In my case the songs that created the most sheer horror and panic through my 13 year old body were....Boyz II Men.  Those soulful romantic songs...wishing my crush (I won't tell you his name....still too soon) would ask me to dance.
I got to relive those glory days as well as fulfill many a pre-teen fantasy by going to a BOYZ II MEN CONCERT.
Oh yes.  This happened and it was glorious.

 This little kid next to me was my favorite person on the planet.  

I don't think he liked me but I took at picture with him anyway.

We felt 13 again

Any moments that had you re-living your preteen days???

I'd love to hear about them!  Comment below! :)

xoxo

V

BONUS VIDEO

My favorite Boyz II Men song ever

Hi Friends

That's kind of how I feel about this post today. You know those weeks that just get away from you because you're stressed or sick or anxious and getting over that is literally all you can think about?  That's the kind of week I had last week so I apologize for lack of posts.  I'm gonna keep it low key today and give you a playlist (which I'm actually super excited about because I've found some awesome new music lately) and do some more fun things later this week.  In the meantime I hope you're all doing well.  If you are share a happy story in the comments and if you aren't....you can share that too.  This is a circle of trust.
xoxo
V

• Miguel: Simplethings
• Boyz II Men: End Of The Road
• Lea Michele: Empty Handed
• Foster The People: Coming Of Age
• Mimi Knowles: In The Mood
• HAIM: Forever
• Mourning Ritual: Bad Moon Rising
• The Black Keys: Fever
• Cher Lloyd: Sirens
• Ray LaMontagne: Airwaves
• The Pretty Reckless: Heaven Knows
• Cam'ron: Hey Ma 
• Bryan Adams: Please Forgive Me
• New Found Glory: The Promise

• Arcade Fire - Reflektor
• John Mayer - Wildfire
• Phillip Phillips - Raging Fire
• Thirty Seconds To Mars - City Of Angels
• The Corrs - Summer Sunshine
• Garth Brooks - More Than A Memory
• Dean Martin - Someday (You'll Want Me To Want You)
• Beyonce - Best Thing I Never Had
• Sara Bareilles - 1000 Times
• Taylor Swift - I Almost Do
• Fleetwood Mac - Gold Dust Woman
• David Bowie - Heroes
• When In Rome - The Promise