Friday, October 14, 2011

Friday Letters

Dear people in the Febreeze commercials,
What was going through your mind when someone stopped you on the street, blindfolded you, and told you to breathe deeply?  What part of that doesn't spell rape?
Just curious,

Dear 19 year old girl I did a consultation on who is MARRYING a 70 year old,
First of all...I volunteer to love you even though your daddy (or grandaddy?) didn't.  Second...please stop.  Third, while I do appreciate the romance of meeting in a long term care facility you were working at...please stop.  Hold on I had to go vomit in my mouth a little...because NOTHING is worth having to wake up to please just STOP STOP STOP.
Your make up looked awesome though,

Dear Dora the Explorer,
You are a bilingual 5 year old but you can't see the orange tree?'s right there.  Maybe instead of running around with a monkey wearing should go to the eye doctor.
Also stop shouting at me,

Dear people with dogs,
Just because I'm also out walking my dog, does not mean I want to stop and have a 10 minute conversation on the side of the road with you about dogs.  I would just like to take my severely anti-social dog home before he has a panic attack.
And no....our dogs are not "friends"

Dear work,
No.  I would not like to come into work while I'm on vacation.  Did you really just call to ask me that?  Look at your life.  Look at your choices.

Dear readers,
Have an amazing weekend!  And thank you thank you thank you for reading :)

*note: I edited the check box titles at the end of each blog post.  Now you can either "like" it or let me know I "ain't no randy jackson" which is a phrase I picked up after watching Late Night Hashtags on Jimmy Fallon....

Which I think is amazing and hysterical.

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