Thursday, June 3, 2010

The day I worked my first shift...

Welcome to my first official day at work...sit down and make yourselves comfortable because the apparent failed movie script that is my life is about to unfold. 
Now some background information you should know is that up to this point I had only ever done training in a classroom with a computer.  I had never been on the floor...I don't think I'd ever even been to the cosmetics department in this location before.
I come to work...bright eyed and bushy tailed fresh off the boat so to speak.  I meet with my counter manager and she briefly shows me around.  The counter I'm working at is "in gift" at the moment which means if you spend a certain amount (say....32.50) then you receive one of those cute bags filled with free stuff.  So she showed me where those were and all that. I'm standing there and she utters these terrible and fateful words...
"Ok then well my shift is over so I'll see you later!"
She clocks out.  And she leaves.  Me.  Alone.  FOR MY FIRST SHIFT.  I had a brief panic attack and then I said to myself "Kyle....we can do this" (Kyle is what I call my inner self)
And then my first customer came.  And it was a hot filthy mess.
All of a sudden the fluorescent lights were blinding me, my adorable ruched v-neck t-shirt was choking me, they had apparently turned up the heat because it was hotter than Satan's kitchen, and my mouth was so dry I obviously hadn't drank a thing in days.
She wanted a product that I had none of.  So I had to search through every single drawer at the counter to try and find it. 
I then had to offer her her free gift but she barely spoke English so it was 25 minutes of explaining to her what I was trying to give her and why it wouldn't cost her anything.  Finally she was all packed up and went on her merry way.  I'm now sweating like a promiscuous woman in church and my entire body is feeling the after effects of my instinctual fight or flight response and I'm feeling totally inadequate.  I mean I have no and I mean NO experience in this.  We don't really talk about rejuvinating eye cream in the middle of drawing blood and the only free bag I've ever handed out is a colostomy bag.
I'm just sayin.
That was the longest 4 hours of my entire life and I'm sure this story has been the longest 5 minutes of yours.  For that I am deeply sorry.
I did however learn how to match people's foundation color and received my own free sample of the perfect foundation and shade for me.  A definite perk.
I've also discovered one of the greatest perks EVER of working in a cosmetics department...random people are constantly coming up to you telling you how beautiful you or your face or your skin are.  No joke I had 5 complete strangers say one of those 3 things to me during my shift.  It definitely helped me get through- I know what you're thinking right now "but Vanessa...doesn't that happen to you all the time?" and to that I answer...yes, yes it does. Yet another burden of being as gorgeous as Heidi Klum.  It's almost exhausting being this beautiful.
And here just to prove my point is a picture of me looking especially stunning.

Protective eye wear is not a joke kids.


The Miranda's said...

i think it's great that your first costumer was someone who couldn't speak english! perfect practice! next day of work will be better!

Jen said...

haha. amazing. love it.
such good writing too.
you're like the total package.

Jaime said...
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Jaime said...

That was the most enjoyable 5 minutes of reading I've had in a while. I still think you should write a book. But for now I will be content to read your thoughts and experiences for free and enjoy every minute of it. Good luck this week!

Jaime said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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