Things I have learned in my 21 years of life...
(the abridged version)
1. Diet Coke really is the most wonderful thing ever developed by human hands.
2. Sometimes playing stupid works.
Example: Saying to your significant other "No babe I have NO idea why there is a text message from (insert hot ex name here) on my phone! How did that happen???"
(Because let's face it...we all love to be adored by ANYONE who is texting us..doesn't matter who it is.)
3. An illness does not exist unless a celebrity cares about it too
This also applies to all inhumane things happening in other countries. It's a little known fact but Genocide wasn't happening in Darfur until George Clooney cared about it.
4. Do NOT go through the self check out lines at the grocery store between the hours of 9-11am.
Old people= you standing with your groceries for 15 minutes while they get all their coupons scanned.
5. Getting your hair highlighted really can change your day.
6. ALWAYS moisturize
...and I'm serious about this one. Someone I know (me) went through I terrible case of dry flaky skin on her (my) face and trying to put make up on dry skin is just disgusting.
7. Good excuses to use when your Dad gets mad because you've TiVo'd too many "vapid and shallow"* shows and he can't record his "oh so important and life lesson involving" crime shows are...
1.) But Dad...they are showing me how NOT to be
2.) I'm going into the medical field so Grey's Anatomy is actually more of a tutorial
3.) If I don't watch them then I won't be able to talk to other people about them and then I'll look like a boring loser and I'll have no friends and I'll never get married and then I'll live with you forever (this one works pretty good)
*Vapid and shallow shows include but are not limited to: "The Hills", "Beverly Hills 90210", "One Tree Hill" (pretty much all shows with the word hill in it), "Grey's Anatomy", "Gossip Girl" etc...
8.) If all else fails...cry
This works 94% of the time.
I'm sure I'll learn more and I live more life...but this is just a start. I'll keep you updated so that you can learn these important lessons with me.
(the abridged version)
1. Diet Coke really is the most wonderful thing ever developed by human hands.
2. Sometimes playing stupid works.
Example: Saying to your significant other "No babe I have NO idea why there is a text message from (insert hot ex name here) on my phone! How did that happen???"
(Because let's face it...we all love to be adored by ANYONE who is texting us..doesn't matter who it is.)
3. An illness does not exist unless a celebrity cares about it too
This also applies to all inhumane things happening in other countries. It's a little known fact but Genocide wasn't happening in Darfur until George Clooney cared about it.
4. Do NOT go through the self check out lines at the grocery store between the hours of 9-11am.
Old people= you standing with your groceries for 15 minutes while they get all their coupons scanned.
5. Getting your hair highlighted really can change your day.
6. ALWAYS moisturize
...and I'm serious about this one. Someone I know (me) went through I terrible case of dry flaky skin on her (my) face and trying to put make up on dry skin is just disgusting.
7. Good excuses to use when your Dad gets mad because you've TiVo'd too many "vapid and shallow"* shows and he can't record his "oh so important and life lesson involving" crime shows are...
1.) But Dad...they are showing me how NOT to be
2.) I'm going into the medical field so Grey's Anatomy is actually more of a tutorial
3.) If I don't watch them then I won't be able to talk to other people about them and then I'll look like a boring loser and I'll have no friends and I'll never get married and then I'll live with you forever (this one works pretty good)
*Vapid and shallow shows include but are not limited to: "The Hills", "Beverly Hills 90210", "One Tree Hill" (pretty much all shows with the word hill in it), "Grey's Anatomy", "Gossip Girl" etc...
8.) If all else fails...cry
This works 94% of the time.
I'm sure I'll learn more and I live more life...but this is just a start. I'll keep you updated so that you can learn these important lessons with me.
2 comments:
Vanessa,
I do read your blog...often. I just don't always comment..so I'm sorry. But don't quit because one day you will have this record to look back on and enjoy. You have an amazing ability to express yourself and it is really quite entertaining to read. I, for one, am a fan of your blog. I can't wait to see what other life lessons you will learn.
Ha it's all right my own mother doesn't even comment on my blog. :) I know I should learn to only blog for myself and not for the superficiality of comments. There...I just learned another life lesson.
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