Oh the pure joyness of getting a wellness check before you start a job at the hospital (did you happen to hear the hint of sarcasm in my tone? It was subtle so I was just checking...). I arrived promptly at 9:15 am to the hospital and completed my required paperwork forms (as a disclaimer can I just say that it was a very early morning for a night owl like myself...I mean do people really get up at 7:15?...and also as a disclaimer for my grumpiness- I did not enjoy the blissfulness that comes with drinking diet coke this moring which is my coffee and gets me through the day...so just give me some understanding ok?)
Moving on...at 9:45 I had my wellness check appointment. The RN who helped me was a male and I had to try so hard to not laugh out loud because the term "male nurse" reminds me of the movie "Meet The Parents"...and the nurse's name happened to be Greg and I was thisclose to asking him if his real name was Gaylord...I was feeling sorta sassy (please see diet coke reference above)...but I refrained. So we went through an eye sight test which I passed after a slight misunderstanding about half circles (insert long drawn out story that makes me look like a dumb blonde).
Then he takes me into the bathroom...and I guess he expected me to pee in a cup but I didn't know this was going to happen so...I have problems peeing on command. We who suffer from this problem call it "bladder shy" and it's a serious and debilitating illness. So not to go into too much detail but my first attempt was not good enough so dear ol' Greg got me some water so I could try again later. In the mean time he gave me a TB test and drew like a billion tubes of blood. So after being felt up by a strange Dr. (so not a pleasant thing) and wearing a gown that was made out of paper towels (I'm not kidding)...I was cleared for being eligible to be an employee. Well I still didn't have to pee and I couldn't leave without doing so...so I got more water. The drinking of the water is a whole story in and of itself.
The water was the following things:
1.)warm
2.)gross
3.)maybe toilet water
So after having to drink 2 tall glasses of it...I wanted to say "Hey Greg...I still don't have to pee but I might be about to throw up from the nasty hospital water you made me drink..."...but once again I decided to curb my attitude even though at this point I'm going through serious caffeine withdrawal.
In the end I was able to succussfully deliver them the specimen they needed and I was cleared to go (Yay for being drug free!!!)
And what did I get out of this whole ordeal? 2 bruises on my arm from needles and one sexy pair of nurses shoes. Go me.
Then he takes me into the bathroom...and I guess he expected me to pee in a cup but I didn't know this was going to happen so...I have problems peeing on command. We who suffer from this problem call it "bladder shy" and it's a serious and debilitating illness. So not to go into too much detail but my first attempt was not good enough so dear ol' Greg got me some water so I could try again later. In the mean time he gave me a TB test and drew like a billion tubes of blood. So after being felt up by a strange Dr. (so not a pleasant thing) and wearing a gown that was made out of paper towels (I'm not kidding)...I was cleared for being eligible to be an employee. Well I still didn't have to pee and I couldn't leave without doing so...so I got more water. The drinking of the water is a whole story in and of itself.
The water was the following things:
1.)warm
2.)gross
3.)maybe toilet water
So after having to drink 2 tall glasses of it...I wanted to say "Hey Greg...I still don't have to pee but I might be about to throw up from the nasty hospital water you made me drink..."...but once again I decided to curb my attitude even though at this point I'm going through serious caffeine withdrawal.
In the end I was able to succussfully deliver them the specimen they needed and I was cleared to go (Yay for being drug free!!!)
And what did I get out of this whole ordeal? 2 bruises on my arm from needles and one sexy pair of nurses shoes. Go me.
*Hot nurse shoes provided by Debbie Orcutt
*All sarcastic comments provided by yours truly.
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