Dear Newt Gingrich,
I would bet all the money that I will ever have on the fact that you cheat at golf.
Dear Early Bird,
These are the things you get 1) The worm 2) Tired in the middle of the day.
This is just the truth.
Thank you for existing. I was curious to know what a horse looks like while it sleeps and was given hours* of hilarious entertainment.
* actually like 7 minutes. I have the attention span of a marshmallow.
You should make an ice cream. You're welcome for this million dollar idea.
I want a portion.
Dear Don Draper,
You are my favorite human that has ever existed. You just sit around oozing charm while Pete makes weasel faces every time someone speaks to him.
I love you.
Dear movie watchers,
I am going to write and direct a film based on my life. It's going to be just me staring at a can of Diet Coke for 2 hours while avoiding productivity.
Thank you so much for your kindness and support! You are all wonderful and I really do adore you! Thanks for sticking with me. Have a great weekend!
P.S. Have you followed the Dime Diary yet??
P.P.S. SERIOUSLY HAVE YOU????