The Royal Wedding: A Love Story....

I think it's pretty safe to say that there is NO ONE on this planet that is more excited about the royal wedding than I am.
For so many years I had a super hard core crush on Prince William.
I used to cut out pictures of him from magazines and make collages...What?

I loved him for the following reasons:

1. He's super dreamy

2. He wears a uniform

3. He looks cute holding a baby

4. He rides a horse...like a boss.

So I think it's safe to say I have some mixed feelings because in my mind we were kind of destined to be married.  If you need more evidence just look at this picture I made once.

(*side note: at the time my friend Kelly was going to marry Prince Harry.  She has since married someone else so....I blame her.  She broke the sacred vow.  So now I'm screwed.)

So here's how it was supposed to go...
I'd be in Westminster Abbey just walking around and he'd be there just walking around.
And the light would be shining through the stain glassed windows and it would catch my blonde hair just perfectly
And then a soft light breeze would come out of nowhere...softly blowing my luscious hair and he'd look up.  And our eyes would lock.
Like....lock.  And we'd be in love.

So to Prince William I say this....
you are missing out.   We could have had a beautiful life together.  We could just...go to the mall and eat Pretzelmaker pretzels....and....we could....like....walk around....and....watch Jersey Shore together.   And our wedding announcements would look like this:

(the sepia tone adds EXTRA class)

But whatever you know....just marry that gorgeous and sweet and perfect Kate Middleton and live in a palace and have a chauffeur.  SEE IF I CARE. (*side note: spell check tried to change the word chauffeur to the word chaffer which seems...unfortunate).

I do actually like her and I'm so freaking excited for this wedding.  I'm already pre-gaming and gearing up for the coverage that starts on BBC America and 1 AM!!!!
And I may get scones....and....a hat....what?
So....there you have it.
I am thinking about doing a vlog (video blog oohh look at me getting all fancy!) while I watch the nuptials.  You'll just have to wait and seeeee.....muah ha ha ha ha ha ha
which is so not something I've ever said to the question "do you stalk prince william"

In other news but still relating to the royal wedding....I was at Wal-Mart the other day (ahhhh the horror) and they are CRAZY about the royal wedding.  We've got $5 movies about "Wills and Kate: a Royal Romance" and we've got $5 "In honor of Wills and Kate" wedding mixes.
And while browsing the internet I found THIS

aaahhhhhhhhh
nightmares.

That's all!  It's a love story baby just say.....Prince William are you surrrreeee about this?
*also if you ever ask me if I watched the Lifetime Original Movie "William and Kate" I will deny it and swear on my deathbed that I never even ever considered it.  Ever.  At all.  Let alone watched it....on demand.

WHAT?