The day my family did stuff

I know it's been like 4 whole months without a family update.  I'm sure you're all waiting anxiously for this one.  I can hear you now...

"I can't believe Vanessa hasn't updated us on the family in SO LONG!"

"I know...I'm waiting with bated breath!"

"I can't take the suspense anymore!!!

Or the more realistic-

"Oh I forgot Vanessa has a blog"

Well love it or love it not- here it comes!

May-
My parents went to Indiana to go pick up some of our stuff we left there and left me alone for a week watching the kids...

This was also the first week of 85 degree weather.  And the first week our swamp cooler didn't work.  And it was miserable.
I also worked my first week of work which if you missed it- you can read about {here}

Bub however looked totally rad in a monkey towel and I watched the NBA Finals (YEAH LAKERS!)

And I made a fruit pizza

June
I continued to work.  A lot.

My sister moved to Seattle :(
Luckily I captured this stellar photo with my Polaroid app on my phone before she left.  Or we'd be lost right now.

In the meantime my cousin took this picture of herself.

And we bought some red chairs

Also my cat understood how to use the computer better than our mom does

Speaking of my cat- I spent the rest of the month taking pictures like this

This

 This

And of course this

I'm not like a weird cat lady or anything though.

July
We switched it up a bit this 4th of July and watched fireworks in lawn chairs rather than just on the grass.  We're rebels like that.  
Here are some sweet action shots I took with my cell phone.

I learned that I become highly irritable around incompetent people and those obnoxious self-lighting at home fireworks (especially those ones that scream....I mean....really?)
And as far as sparklers go- I love them but maybe...and I'm just saying this as a theory....I'm no Dr. Phil here but....maybe 2 year olds shouldn't be given sticks lit with fire that get up to 450 degrees?  Maybe?

Just a thought.
Also I become irritable when parents decide that them having a good time and ending up like this

Is way more important than actually watching your children when lighting explosives.

I've also learned I should probably be on Xanex.

We had a BBQ with our friends the Miguels.
Bub was in charge of the kids

 

(that's my friend Allie's baby Holland...she's adorable)

The guys played basketball just as well as the '95 Chicago Bulls- or the 2010 Indiana Pacers, one of the two.

I taught my first Relief Society lesson and pretty much looked like this the entire time

It went pretty good though.

Bub had a swim party with his karate group and we took some artistic "through the water" shots

Bub was concerned

My bestest best friend Beth came and visited with her AH-DOR-ABLE baby Brooklyn
I was incredibly obnoxious with the camera- lucky for me Brooklyn loved it

Bub loved it too...

August
I continued my run as an up and coming photographer by taking these incredibly artistic nature shots

And a whole box of these showed up in our pantry

 

(notice how I placed it on the envelope so it didn't blend it with the table)

50 points goes to the person who can name what that is.

And I was hit on at work by a guy who was just released from "lock up". Yes he really was.  Yes he told me this.  Yes he called it lock up.  Yes I said yes.  No I'm not desperate.
And just to let y'all know.  The TV lies.  This guy did not look anything like Wentworth Miller in "Prison Break"

He did however heavily resemble this guy

I know what you're thinking...."how did Vanessa get so lucky?"
And to that I say-
my charm and good looks
Plus I'm just a natural babe magnet.

I think that's pretty much it.  Be looking for another update sometime in November when I show you how I've finally succeeded in making my hair look exactly like Justin Bieber's

And how I've invented time travel so I can go back in time and make this happen

And I showcase the only dance move I know- a sweet hip shake move rightly named "The Rick"



Don't be a hater.

The day I talked about myself...

 I really love learning things about people and people learning things about me- so here are 29 things about me that you may not have known (another is....I hate even numbers)

 1. I bite my nails. It is a nasty habit that I'm trying so hard to quit.

2. I have an obsessive yawning problem. I yawn all the time! So if I yawn around you it isn't necessarily because you bore me. I just can't help it. (I just yawned while writing this actually)

3. I have very sensitive teeth...and skin...and sometimes feelings. I'm just sensitive all around...but I'm also really tough. I can cut people with the sharp edge of my words.

4. I have an obsession with Q-tips.

5. Sometimes I wash my feet before I go to bed...I just hate the thought of dirty feet on clean sheets.

6. I love the Golden Girls. I watch it everytime I can. It is hilarious and I want to be one when I'm old.

7. Breakfast at Tiffanys is my favorite movie of all time.

8. I always wish I was prettier.

9. I love my brother more than I ever thought I could love someone.

10. I love my sisters. I mean really love them. They are two of my best friends. I fight with them only because I'm jealous of them in one way or another. Calah for her wit and her disregard for everything conventional and Kenz for her beauty (seriously she's gorgeous) and her drive in academics.

11. I am a compulsive cleaner. I mean when I start I can not stop. I move around like a tornado. It usually starts in my room. I'll get new clothes so I decide to re organize my closet which leads to re organizing my entire room which leads to me cleaning the bathroom which leads to me cleaning until 6:30 am when I have to get up at 7:30 am.

12. I look up medical terminology and condidtions for fun. Don't be jealous.

*My favorite medical procedure is a pericardiocentisis by the way- if you want to know what that is...let me know (I'm also pretty convinced I could perform one)

13. I dream of falling in love in Paris (with an American....or an Italian).

14. I'm scared of open water.

15. I hate having my feet covered when I sleep. Usually I end up sleeping with at least one foot out...and you people who sleep in socks...are not natural.

16. I have a fondness for cherry poptarts

17. I love bubblegum...like bubblicious bubble gum (Gonzo Grape flavor is my fave).

18. I once had a dream (not even a love type one) about my high school geometry teacher and then after that had some sort of weird crush on him.

19. I regret admitting to #18 and might delete it.

20. I think differently than a lot of people which can be good or bad.

21. I have a hard time expressing my emotions verbally and do much better if I have the time to write it out...I'm in love with words.

22. I've never had a cavity and I am obsessed with keeping this streak going. I brush my teeth constantly.

23. I lick my lips and bite the inside of my lip when I'm nervous. Chapstick has become a constant companion of mine.

24. I have very long eyelashes. I get a lot of compliments on my eyes and I really love them.

25. In the last 6 months I have become severely lactose intolerant.  Once I started drinking soy milk (and fell in LOVE with it) I thought "ok I can handle this".  Once I discovered I could also no longer have: ice cream, frozen yogurt, sherbet, yogurt, alfredo sauce, etc - that thought was replaced with a resounding "BOOOO!!!!!"

26. One of my favorite shows is "Monsters Inside Me"- yeah it's as creepy as it sounds.  It's about parasites invading people's bodies.  It's off beat and weird but so am I.

27. I love kids. They are full of life and so funny and I can relate to them. I babysat starting at the age of 8, I've nannied and taught little kids at church for like 4 years....I am really really good with kids. I'm told it's one of my "talents"...well we all need something right?


28. My job at the hospital is the thing I am most proud of in my life.  I worked hard to get it, I worked hard at it, and felt so rewarded.  Yes it was tiring.  Yes it was stressful.  However- it was something that I always wanted to do but didn't think I could and instead of wishing I had I just did it.  I loved helping people every night and meeting new people.  It was the best time in my life and one that I miss a lot.

29. I like knowing people. I like knowing little things about people...like how my friend Beth hates cheese, how my sister puts make up on before she gets the mail, how my mom has to chew gum in the car...I also like people knowing these things about me. The little things that make a person who they are. The things people just notice without you having to tell them. It's comforting when I have a friend who says "I knew you wouldn't like that movie" or "I know you hate bacon so I left yours off"...simple things.

The day we met a serial killer

Welcome to home town dates on the Bachelorette everyone!  Meeting the parents of your maybe probably not future husband can be nerve wracking.  The pressure, the questions, the bodies in the basement (we'll get to that later).

Roberto was first.  He lives in Tampa Florida.
They go to a baseball field. Ali keeps laughing way too much. Roberto gives her a jersey with his number and her name on it. This makes her laugh uncontrollably.
As a side note....Roberto looks pretty decent in a baseball uniform.  And by decent I mean I wanted to jump through my TV screen and scream "Marry me Roberto and make beautiful mixed race babies with me!"...or something like that.

 Ali says seeing Roberto in his uniform "makes her proud". Proud? Not sure what level ball "Tampa" is, but it's probably the level Michael Jordan plays in when he gets bored.
They play baseball together. And by play I mean Ali laughs and keeps jumping on top of him.

She meets Roberto's family. His dad is Roberto Sr., his sister is Olga, and his mom is Olga...Sr.? Our names are so awesome we have to name our kids the same thing! The Olga tradition must live on!

Roberto's padre is worried because Ali "has a lot of things she wants to do". He says that Roberto has big goals and his job "might take him many places". Uh, isn't he an insurance agent?
I also think Roberto's mom gave birth to him when she was 12.

And also...if you only watched this show, you'd just assume that latinos are constantly salsa dancing.

Hometown date #2- Chris

I love Chris and I love his family- especially his dad!  His dad is so sweet and so cute I just want to squish his face!
Chris also finally learned how to make out with Ali.  I'm so proud!

Hometown date #3- Kirky
Kirk is from a broken home so 2 houses for this date.  First up is Dad's house and Ali and Kirk's step-mom share a totally awesome awkward hug.

Kirk's dad has a mustache, that's pretty much all you need to know. He takes Ali to his basement where he keeps his stuffed animals. He does taxidermy. And there's a freezer of weird animal blood and stuff among the popcicles might I add- as in "here's your juice pop and here's your goat intestine while we're at it". I think this is Jeffrey Dahmer's old house.

I'm pretty sure that taxidermy is the creepiest hobby in the entire world.  It's been featured on the show "Criminal Minds" many times.  I try to live my life by the phrase "if a psycho on Criminal Minds does it...you probably shouldn't" but you know...that's just me.
My favorite piece was a caribou foot that Kirk's dad glued eyes to so it looks like an owl....or you know a caribou foot with eyes. (SO NOT creepy!)
I'd like to take a break for a quick poll-
If a guy you were dating had a dad with a creepy mustache and he said "So....you want to see my basement?".....theoretically what would you do? Scream or just immediately dial 911?
Just curious.


Side note on fashion- Ali is wearing "mistake jeans" as in it would be a mistake to ever wear those jeans and her hair is once again looking very unfortunate.


And I will say...aside from being a serial killer Kirk's dad is a pretty cool guy.

Next, they go to mom's house. Grandma is there, his mom, and his sister. They all look alike, and grandma is the hottest one. And Grandma is bald. Where did Kirk come from?
Holy braces and bump-it Batman! On Kirk's mom that is... (I had no idea she was a pre-pubescent girl).

Sometimes I wonder where all these guys end up after the Bachelor....except for Frank.  I know exactly where he'll be after the show is over...
hanging out in his parent's house writing awful screenplays and dreaming about Ryan Seacrest.
Speaking of good ol' Mango he's up for the last home town date!
Frank cries some more (shocker!) and would it surprise you that he is wearing the deepest baby V-neck T shirt I've ever seen?
Obviously this relationship is going to work.
Frank's sister calls Frank "an emotional guy"...Ali swoons, I vomit.

ROSE CEREMONY TIME!!!
Roberto- safe
Chris- safe

This was a horrible order for the producers to go in because we know that Mango is going to have his huge melt-down next week!
So it's bye bye Kirk!
I'm not sure what really cost Kirk. They seemed to have a nice thing going. The family visit didn't help matters, but still...you can't blame his mom's braces for everything.

Next Week: Frank loses it and acts like a tool.

*Just because I know you wanted to see this again....



You're welcome.

The day I ate way too many gummy frogs

Gummy frogs, guacamole, James Franco, diet coke, and awkward family photos.  Pretty much my entire day.  I've been so busy at work that on my days off....I literally become trailer trash.  The metamorphosis is actually quite amazing. 
I thought I would share some of my day with you...so if you'll all change into your comfiest pants, remove all traces of make up, pull out the pony tails and join me on this journey- here you go (the gummy frogs and guacamole are optional....I would however strongly suggest the diet coke and James Franco is a requirement)

Somebody isn't so comfortable being the center of attention

Nothing could stand in the way of their love...not even a French window

It takes a real man to chop down a tree and look fabulous doing it

Every generation...a rebel emerges

Love lifts us up where we belong....but always lift with your knees



That's all folks!

 If they say- Why, why, tell 'em that it's human nature....
 -Michael Jackson, "Human Nature"

With the abundance of programming devoted to remembering Michael last week (can you believe it's been a year???), I thought I’d post one of my favorites. Fun fact: In 2009, this video was inducted into the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress, and it is the first music video to ever receive this honor, for being “culturally, historically or aesthetically” significant. I couldn’t argue against that. Such a brilliant video. Imagine watching it on MTV when it first came out.

“Be who you are and say what you feel: because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” From the wonderful mind of Dr. Seuss.
Having a terribly silly day today. I don’t mind, and I don’t know that it matters. But it is what it is, all the same, all the same. 


Also I'm totally rocking it at work.  Just thought I'd add that...