Tuesday, December 15, 2009

when i grow up and get married i'm living alone!

a classic quote from one of my favorite Christmas time movies...Home Alone.
Another classic quote that may also pertain to me is when Kevin's brother Jeff says...

"Kevin you are such a disease"

This Christmas has been a testing time for me and I'm not sure why. Let me just explain. I'm usually not very accident prone or klutzy or anything like that. I'm very efficient, I have my head screwed on (mostly) straight. However this holiday season I seem to be losing my mind. It all started (as most disastrous stories do) at the post office.

My mom put me in charge of sending out some Christmas packages for her. Usually I would do this very responsibly. While she was giving me instructions I specifically heard her say she wanted me to mail them Express. I got the the counter and told the lady express and she gave me a strange look but said ok. I get the receipt it was....$70.00 for 3 packages. Well...my mom must have known that right. So I casually mention it to her when I see her next. She informs me that no she said First Class. I then explain to her what happened and how I might have paid for Express shipping (with her money) . When she found out how much it was needless to say she was not happy. Strike 1.

Next night I get put in charge of dinner. Chili. Yum. Things are going great. I go to turn off the meat because it was done cooking and return to watching "Criminal Minds". Return to the kitchen to smell burning. I had turned off the boiling water with the beans in it and left the burner with the meat on. Meat is black. Strike 2.

Yesterday was our traditional "clean before Christmas" day. I was very efficient. Cleaned the entire kitchen (even the microwave) and was finishing up. I look over just as the vacuum cleaner is tumbling towards my mom's beloved Precious Moments Nativity set. From the sound of it I had just caused the Nativity set version of the Apocalypse. Upon investigating none of the pieces appeared to be broken. Until I was looking at Joseph and something seemed to be off. Further examination showed that half of Joseph's shepherds crook had broken off. Now Joseph looks like he has a club in his hand. We nicknamed him "Ghetto Joseph" as in "Step off shepherds you be gettin too close to my baby! I will beat you". Nice. Strike 3.

While wrapping presents tonight I ran out of bows and needed more. Searched for 15 minutes for the new bag to no avail. Was shown the location of the new bag by my 6 year old brother who showed me that it was indeed in the middle of the floor I'd been staring at for said 15 minutes. Upon opening said bag of bows...the entire contents exploded all over the room. Strike 4.

I volunteered to do all the Christmas baking. Why you might ask? I don't know. (Especially after baking for 12 hours and not getting done until 2 am...and that is only the first half). Things were going pretty good. I had ironically just been having a discussion about all my Christmas mishaps with my family when I go to check on some treats I had just put in the oven. As I did so smoke came pouring out of it. I looked at the treats and said "oh...can you not put wax paper in the oven?"....Strike 5.
(I did get some good stuff out of it though)

How many strikes am I allowed and how soon until the entire house just explodes?

In other news something that I have not screwed up.
Wrapping. I am an amazing gift wrapper (and now that you mention it rapper but that's a different post). I've really enjoyed wrapping gifts this year.

Kian got some new controllers for the Wii and this is what I did with them...

I was proud.

and I wrapped like 90% of these gifts too...

That's about it for me. If you don't hear from me for awhile could someone come check on me? The Christmas tree might be on fire.

Remind you of anyone else?

If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now.

1 comment:

Caren said...

This is the bet post I have read!! And we have survived the 5 strikes. You make me laugh Vanessa, I hope you know that I love you!!

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