I watch too much TV. This is always the most apparent when I find myself in a loop of one insane show to another and I realize I've just spent 3 hours of my time being totally mindless. So...to save you from my same fate I would like to share what you've missed this week in television.
First....Teen Mom 2 on MTV
What a filthy hot mess. Here is the run-down:
How horrible of a person would I be if I said that the Kailyn girl has the ugliest baby I've ever seen? And how horrible are you for agreeing with me?
Are all the baby daddys trying out for the next season of Tool Academy? Like...are these their audition tapes? If so...it's in the bag. Except for camo-wearing, bad teeth, redneck guy. He's super sweet.....but....you can't really look like that and be a douche.
Leah and Corey and their twin girls are adorable and awesome. Don't ever change!!!
Jenelle and her lip pierced boyfriend toking it up in the car....super classy. And a good way to show your speech-impediment Mom what a responsible adult you are.
Hey Jenelle...here are some of my favorite pictures of you and your Mom
How sweet.
The cops showed up for a domestic dispute so.....you know it's a good time.
Then there's always a sappy end montage....wow. That was fun.
who said he was going to sing R.Kelly...so naturally I'm thinking he's going to sing "Ignition"...(it's the remix to ignition...hot 'n fresh out the kitchen...c'mon you know you're singing) aka...the best song R.Kelly ever sang....but NO..."I Believe I Can Fly"....BOORRRINNNGGG and SO typical. I believe you can fly....far far away (he does have an incredible voice however...so good job for that.)
Next girl is all..."I'm going to sing Michael Jackson" so I'm thinking "Dirty Diana" aka my favorite MJ song of all time. But NO...."Smile" which actually belongs to Charlie Chaplin....GET OFF THE STAGE!!!
Let's see what this next kid is going to deliver....it better be good.....
....nope.
He reminded me of David Archuleta only less gay. Or maybe more. Either way...it hurt me.
Then the Latina girl gets up and sings a Selena song...way to break the stereotype.
Everyone shhhh.....my country boy lover is on next......
J.Lo is seducing my country boy lover with her eyes...and so is Steven Tyler....step off he's mine!!!!
Then came nasty dredlocks girl....who says she's going to sing Rihanna (shocker).
Who wants to bet it's going to be "Love the Way You Lie"?
Oh no....no....please Alah no....not Umbrella....
I really think she got her outfit from a dumpster like...for real. And now she's Rastafarian rapping.....STOP PLEASE NOW
If Randy says "yo" one more time...I'm gonna burn this mother down...yo.
Now Steven Tyler is seducing me with his eyes...and I like it.
Then teeny tiny Ryan Seacrest came on....vote..blah blah blah...I'm 4'2"...blah blah blah.
The end.
That was a hot mess. Speaking of hot messes....has anyone seen Paula Abdul lately?
Oh Paula.
I miss you.
Now I'm going to watch the new season of Real World and Jersey Shore....never before have I been so grateful that the herp cannot be transferred through television.
Until next time! Keep your remotes nearby and your HPV shots up to date.
And just for fun...here's a video of Steven Tyler molesting girls with his words.
I love TV. Summer is a rough time for TV fans. We're forced to do things we aren't proud of like watch the entire season of The Bachelor Pad.
But now it's September and real TV is back! Here is what I'll be watching....raise your hand if you don't care. That was a trick, I can't even see any of your hands. Joke's on you.
First- shows I should have stopped watching when I was 19 but haven't...
Gossip Girl
One Tree Hill (I've been OBSESSED with this show since I was 17....I can't EVER let it go!)
The shows I really really really love:
Glee- Little known fact: I balled my eyes out during last season's finale. Emotionally unstable? Maybe. Also, did you know my ipod contains the Best of Britney Spears? Did you know they’re doing a Britney Spears episode? This is what is called destiny. I'm so obsessed with this show I can't even keep typing because my emotions are about to projectile vomit all over this blog post. I can't even begin to describe my love in words. Excitement. That's all you need to know.
Parenthood- This show is so great. I don't know many people who are watching it. You should watch it.
Criminal Minds- This show scares me so much that I have to sleep with a light on but it's SO GOOD I can't help myself!
The Office- Who doesn't love Michael Scott?
Parks and Recreation- I love this show. Love it.
Now for new shows that I'll be giving a chance:
The Event- I heard the last 10 minutes would be the most talked about in television history but it already aired last night and I didn't hear anything about it....so we'll see
Blue Bloods- I have to watch all shows with Magnum P.I. on them...it's just a law I live by
Hell Cats- who doesn't love a show about cheerleading? It also contains like half the old regulars from One Tree Hill. It's actually really entertaining. You heard it here first (and it might be the only place you hear it....)
So that's all for me....I have to go watch TV...but remember...
Tonight's Dancing With the Stars commentary brought to you by...
My Dad
"I mean.....that dance was like....amazing!"
Props to Derek and Nicole for evoking emotion from my father while dancing was on the television.
This reaction has only ever been duplicated on family picture day as evidenced in this picture
Usually it's just the blank stare or the classic sigh followed by eye-roll combination. Occasionally he'll leave the room "to go grab his glasses" and we don't see him for 2 hours when he saunters out of his room with a book in hand and NCIS blasting from the room.
I love Parks and Recreation. It is one of my favorite shows on TV right now. I think it is entirely underrated.
All the characters on this show make me laugh. Last night my favorite funny guy Andy Samberg was guest starring as a park ranger. He was hilarious.
My absolute favorite character though is Tom. He has some of the best lines.
Tom: "You can't say your favorite cake is birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal".
Tom: "All I want in life is to own a nightclub on every continent, have my own line of upscale sweatsuits and cologne called Tommy Fresh and I fell a thousand dollars short."
Tom: "This VIP card gives you exclusive access to the investment opportunity of a lifetime. Where? Multipurpose room F. When? 3 p.m. Dress code? Black tie optional. Just like life."
Tom: "I want to open up my own club one day, maybe call it something like Club a Dub Dub, or the Club Marine. Sort of a submarine-themed club. Or Tom's Bistro. The word bistro is classy as %#@$"
Tom: "I meet a girl at a bar. She seems kind of into me, could go either way. I get her number. It's two days later. What do I text her?"
Zack: "It was nice meeting you?"
Tom: "No, Zack. I don't text her it was nice meeting you. I wait eight weeks and I text her, 'what's crackin'"
Thursday nights NBC right before The Office. You're Welcome. And I should be getting paid for this endorsement. (I'm not)
that is the tag line for tv show that really took me by surprise.
i started watching "the buried life" on MTV and let me tell you I have never known such a perfect show.
it's this group of guys who started out with the question "what do you want to do before you die?" and they made a collective list of 100 things they wanted to accomplish. MTV gave them a bus and video cameras so they could set out on their mission to complete their list.
there have been 3 episodes so far with the items on the list being:
*attend a party at the playboy mansion (in which they had to dress up like oompa loompas)
*make a toast at a stranger's wedding (which they got kicked out of a few)
*ask out the girl of your dreams (who happened to be Megan Fox)
Watching these guys trying to accomplish these seemingly impossible tasks is very entertaining (and they even pull them off!!!)
but that isn't even the best part.
for every item they complete on their list they help a stranger complete something on theirs.
the first episode they helped a teacher who wanted to provide a new computer to his underprivileged school class. The guys set up a street performance to earn enough money to buy the class a computer.
Episode 2 they reunited a street artist with his son who he hadn't spoken to in 19 years.
Episode 3 they helped an 11 year old face her fear of heights by taking her on the biggest roller coaster at Knotsberry Farm.
It leaves me in tears every time.
Good job MTV this show is funny, endearing, surprising, heartwarming.
Because I think I've broken one with how long this blog post is...but..it's TV update time!!! I know I've been slacking but I like to wait out the shows for a bit and then update you so you can get a full picture rather than just piece by piece. To start us off how about a little medical drama laced with popular catchphrases, peppered with sarcasm and one creepy pixie girl? I'm talking about Grey's Anatomy obviously So in my mind GA has definitely redeemed itself. I was skeptical after the whole freckle incident. I mean do they think we're stupid? You can't run a hospital that way. Apparently though you can run a hospital filled with a lot of chaos and random hook ups and creepy pixie girls. Who knew? Currently on Grey's Anatomy Izzie (my favorite character) is living with cancer but is doing ok but she did get fired so she ran away and left her husband to fend for himself and won't call him and left him with $200,000 worth of hospital bills. That's kind of genius in my opinion. Especially when your husband is doing this.... ok so he was saving a baby but it was kind of strange at first sight. I'm sure that Izzie will be back soon though...I think this funny little storyline is just because the actress left to go adopt a baby from Korea. Maybe while she was there getting the baby she should have gotten her husband shaved. Just sayin. Also while we're on the topic of babies...Meredith hasn't been around much either. She just lays in bed while Christina comes to complain. It's because she gave a piece of her liver to her dad so now she is "recovering"...except she actually had a baby too. So clearly they had to hide her bump so..that's what they came up with. Now moving on to the things I don't like right now. The Chief...is being a big jerk. Also the lesbian thing. I mean I know there are lesbians and I don't have a problem with other people's choices but I don't like when TV shows put it in just because they are trying to "make a statement". If I was gay I would be offended. And now moving on to the elephant in the room...all 5' 1" of her. Creepy pixie girl. Yeah that's her. All she does is stare with her giant Bambi eyes and whisper talk to Karev. He's married you horrible little demon! So step off. She really creeps me out. Oh another thing I love though (I hate to leave on a negative note). I give you Little Grey and McSteamy They are adorable and so funny. Like tonight whilst talking about surprise parties McSteamy said..."Surprise parties are hostile. They’re dark, people jump out and scream at you…they never come to any good." So true.
Ok so moving on to a section I like to call...Guilty Pleasures. We all have guilty TV pleasures such as Laguna Beach, The Hills, The City, Bromance, One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl...you get the idea and btw I have no idea what you're talking about..there is no way I watch ALL that trash on TV....yeah. One of my all time favorite guilty pleasures has to be The Real Housewives series on Bravo. There are many "real" housewives... First there was Real Housewives of Orange County Then New York Then Atlanta Then New Jersey
I know they all start to blend together and look alike but really they're very different. OC is kinda sassy, New York is all dark and Upper East Side, then Atlanta...well I hope you can tell them apart, and then New Jersey is all on the dock...very mobster-esque. I love them all. Seriously. Real Housewives of OC just came back for it's 5th season and I'm already in love. These women are some of my favorite hot messes.
Speaking of hot messes has anyone seen Paula Abdul lately? Seriously Paula...I love you.
Moving onto another delightful morsel of a show that E! Network has given us. Leave It to Lamas. All my 80's peeps may remember Lorenzo Lamas from Renegade. Sexy right? My friend's mom had a cardboard cutout of him and it scared me one time when I was walking down the hallway in the dark...but I'll save that story for later. Maybe in a blog posted titled "Reasons I'm in Therapy". So Lorenzo Lamas has some kids. You may recognize one of them as his daughter Shayne. For those of you who watch The Bachelor she was on the London one and she actually won. The relationship didn't work out but man they have a great television show going on for them. It's full of yelling, divorce, family drama, messed up (and hot) brothers she has...well one by the name of AJ..., and a lot of really stupid blonde moments. Basically like the classic "Simple Life" with Paris and Nicole (remember that???) only BETTER! And while we're on the subject of sexy male icons of the 80's. I was watching the movie "Three Men and a Baby" last night... and was once again faced with the truth that I would do anything for Tom Selleck. It's either the mustache or the shorts. I also found this and was wondering where it was on my birthday? In face I love him so much I've dedicated a whole section on the side of my blog titled "Tom Selleck picture of the week" Check it out...it's filled with awesome.
Moving on to a segment I like to call "What Happened Last Week on Glee" For those of you still reading this incredibly long post... you know Glee is my favorite show right? Well it's been on hiatus because of the World Series (whatever baseball way to screw everything up AS USUAL!) but last time we were treated to this little number...
I'm so in love with Mr. Shuester it's not even funny. Why didn't my choir teacher look like that (shout out to Jen and our Mr. Porter days...) Also the kid in the wheelchair was on an old episode of The Office I was watching the other day. And btw if you aren't watching The Office...WHY NOT??? Are you not American because it's basically the best show on television.
Ok I think that is it for now...and don't worry as long as they keep putting stuff on TV I'll be watching it and letting you know what's been going on. For those of you who are like...President of the free world and have no time for such trivial things.
