An introduction

Hello everyone!

I want to introduce you to someone very special to me.

This is high school Vanessa.

Yes...the awkward one in the middle.

I got to thinking about high school Vanessa today and got a little emotional and just felt like sharing.  

High school Vanessa struggled.  Hard to imagine I know.  High school Vanessa moved to a new school her freshman year of high school.  High school Vanessa had dreams about what she wanted her life in high school to be.  She wanted to be popular.  The problem is...high school Vanessa didn't know that no matter what she did..she would never be popular.  But she doesn't know this yet.  High school Vanessa was terrified of being different or standing out.  If she liked things that would be considered "weird" she kept them to herself.  She bought all the make up she thought she needed to be prettier.  She tried buying the clothes she thought would make her seem like she fit in.  She even let popular kids cheat off her tests freshman year because she thought that would make them like her more.  High school Vanessa cared very very very much about what other people thought about her.  

But high school Vanessa was not popular.  High school Vanessa did not have status, money, or looks.  High school Vanessa was awkward, overweight, and scared.  

I got to thinking about who I am today.  I realized that I am weird.  I am goofy.  I am still painfully awkward.  And I started crying.  I started crying because my heart hurt a little bit for high school Vanessa.  High school Vanessa was spending so much time worrying about what other people thought about her that she never enjoyed herself.  Don't get me wrong...high school Vanessa had wonderful friends.  But she always held herself back a little bit.  High school Vanessa was part of the drama club and all the school plays but never tried out because she was afraid.  High school Vanessa lived vicariously through everyone else around her.  

There are still days when high school Vanessa sneaks in.  

When I'm looking in the mirror and telling myself I'm not pretty enough and that nobody will ever like me.  

When I hold myself back because I'm afraid of what other people think.  

It happens to all of us occasionally.  But I'm so grateful that the majority of my days I can look at myself and be so happy with who I am today.  Because I have worth.  I am strong, powerful, caring, compassionate, funny (sometimes), and I love life.  Sometimes I take too much Nyquil and climb banisters, sometimes I cry in sloth exhibits at the zoo, sometimes I make embarrassing lip sync videos and send them to my friends.  It's just who I am.  And I've adopted the attitude that if you don't like who I am....watch me be who I am even more.

I hope everyone adopts this attitude. 

So welcome high school Vanessa.  Thank you for teaching me things.  I wish I could go back in time and hug you and tell you that you are so much more than the opinion of those who don't know you.  That you are funny and smart and good. But since I can't....I'll just give you all the things now that you wish you had then.

xoxo

V

Letter To My 12 Year Old Self

Dear 12 year old self,
Hey girl.
Before you ask me when you'll look like Britney Spears and get that boy to ask you out....I've got to tell you something important.  Yes....shockingly enough there are more important things than boys asking you out.  I promise.
First: don't worry about looking like Britney Spears ok?  In 2007 she'll be worse off than you have ever been in your life.  The grass always looks greener on the other side (plus she's not even WITH Justin Timberlake anymore...and no you aren't either...but that's some bad news for another day).  You don't have to look like what you think is beautiful to be beautiful.  Don't worry about being blonde and thin and the most gorgeous girl in every room.  That won't happen but I promise you that in the end when you finally learn to love and accept yourself you will always be the most confident girl in the room and that's more important than temporary and shallow beauty anyway....it really is.  Love yourself for what makes you different.  All that time you spend doing things that seem weird to others will someday be what helps you have intelligent conversations with people.  You can be funny but also be smart because you have to be smart to get the joke.
Be kind.  Be loving.  These things don't make you a nerd.  They make you empathetic.  They make you a good friend.
Second: Show gratitude always.  Especially to Mom and Dad.  Yeah they're like sooooo annoying but it's only because they love you and sometimes you're a pain in the you know what (you're 12 so I'm still gonna keep this PG).  No matter how mean you are they will not stop loving you.  They will support you later when you need it.  Someday you'll live far away from them and you'll miss them so much you cry every night.  They will need you to love and support them through some really hard times so show them how grateful you are for everything they've done for you by trying to repay them.
Third: Forgive.  Forgive everyone.  People will hurt you in some very bad ways....you'll get through it.  If you don't forgive them you will become bitter and you'll only end up hurting yourself. So forgive generously.
Last: Don't let people push you around.  Figuring out how to be kind, loving, and forgiving while also not taking crap from anyone will be a balance that you may never figure out but keep trying.
And if all of that fails.....just pretend you're Beyonce and you'll be just fine.
xoxo

How To Make A Gingerbread House

Since you've already seen the actual finished product of the Gingerbread House 2013 I thought I would post a video of the making of the gingerbread house.

You can find that HERE 

It's thrilling.

xoxo

Reunited and it feels so good.....

Hi friends!  I know!  Quite the hiatus!  I was trying to think of what to write about as like a...."welcome back" so to speak....should it be fashion?  make up?  an open letter to Bradley Cooper accepting his marriage proposal???  The possibilities seemed endless....and then I went off Diet Coke for a week (yeah I know...again) and had a mental breakdown and did something crazy and even though it's super personal.....I'm going to share with you!  We're all friends here anyway right?
Do you guys remember how emotionally charged "Heads Up 7 Up" was in elementary school?  For those of you who didn't play this game and think I'm crazy...here's a quick description.  So "Heads Up 7 Up" was like a roller coaster ride ESPECIALLY if your crush was one of the ones picking people and YOU were chosen.  And you stood up and crossed your fingers so hard that they were the ones who chose you and this was the start of your forever (yes....I was a semi-dramatic 9 year old)  The terrible thing they never tell you is that anytime you have feelings for someone it's going to be the same feeling.  Love is not a battlefield, it's a game of Heads Up 7 Up and we're all just hoping that the person we've picked has already picked us.
Where am I going with this?  Well recently I had these feelings for someone.  This is how I usually react when I have feelings for someone: I get weird.  I actually put a TON of distance between me and that person so that NO ONE will start to pick up on how I feel which makes absolutely no sense but it's what a lot of us do.  This time I did something completely out of the norm.....and I told that person about how I was feeling.
And it was TERRIFYING.
I will be honest with you...this did not end up exactly ideally but it wasn't terrible and there is a HUGE freedom in just saying what you're feeling!  So I guess I tell this story just because it was a huge lesson for me.  Saying how you're feeling is never going to ruin you.  Yes at times you could feel uncomfortable or awkward but the actual pain comes from the regret of the unsaid.
Whatever you need to say....say it.  Don't wait.  Apologize, say "I love you"....whatever it is.  You will never regret it.  I promise.
On that note....I have some things I need to say to Adam Levine that can't wait and that I almost certainly WILL regret....
I hope you're all doing well.  Thanks for sticking around....look forward to an actual update filled with pictures and news!  Yeah...I know you're looking forward to that.  I leave you now with a picture of me and my dog....because I know you've missed these.
Right?

Elephantiasis

So....some girls have blogs where they pose like super cute and they can be in super awkward positions and they still look FLAWLESS and they're laughing at the camera and their mermaid hair is flowing and the caption will say "just woke up!  decided to take some super unplanned pictures of me!  no make up! LOL!"
1. no one wakes up like that
2. if you want pictures like that (full of lies), this is not the blog for you

Because today I will be sharing with you the exact opposite of cute.  And by that I mean something so horrific you may have nightmares.
WARNING: THESE PHOTOS NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN OR YOUR GRANDPARENTS OR ANYBODY ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH AND CERTAINLY NOT YOU JON HAMM BECAUSE IF YOU SEE THESE YOU WILL NEVER MARRY ME.

So *deep breath* here we go.
I was at work last Wednesday just minding my own business when all of a sudden, while just walking around, I twist my ankle.  And I think "ow that was kind of uncomfortable" and continued on my way.  Well let me tell you....it continued being uncomfortable and then it continued to swell.  And by swell I mean it grew to be the size of a six year old's head.
And from there I'd like to give you a timeline of "The Foot That Wouldn't Stop Growing"

Day 1  - can barely see my ankle!  SUPER CUTE LOLZ!

Day 2 - Super sexy ace bandage wrap!

Day 3 - After unwrapping the ace bandage.  Having no ankles is like....way in this year!

p.s. it's ok if you just threw up in your mouth.  I certainly did.  

Day 4 - umm...this got super weird

Finally after an entire week of rest, ice, compression, and elevation, my ankle is back to normal!  No more Elephantiasis.
There are 2 morals to this story
1. Be careful when you walk.
2. DON'T EVER GOOGLE ELEPHANTIASIS.
And seriously Jon Hamm....I told you not to keep reading this.

Help Wanted

I hate when magazines rag on celebrities for being "high maintenance".  If I had that kind of power I would totally abuse it too.  There are so many things in life that I would be great at making other people do instead.  I've wasted dedicated a lot of time thinking about how I would manipulate people into being my personal assistant and what their job would entail.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO VANESSA LOUISE NELSON

BY SIGNING THIS CONTRACT I HEREBY AGREE TO THE FOLLOWING TERMS & CONDITIONS

1. Ms. Nelson would like to be referred to as "Mrs. Timberlake"

2. No eye contact whatsoever

3. The weather can cause Ms. Nelson to be temperamental.  You need to be prepared to cater to her needs if and when she calls upon you.  This may include (but is not limited to) buckling her seatbelt when it's hot outside, commanding the rain to cease, making several trips (a day) to Maverick to replenish her thirst (ONLY juicy peach green tea will suffice),  tell her she looks pretty when the dry dry air is causing her hair to be unruly etc..

4. Laugh at her jokes even (ha as if) they aren't funny.  She needs to be validated constantly.  Anything less will cause her to slip into a deep depression.

5. When she has received a voicemail it is your job to listen to it, delete it, and then relay the message to her.  She hates to be bothered with human interaction as well as the notifications that pop up on her phone.  THOSE NOTIFICATIONS SHOULD ALWAYS BE TAKEN CARE OF.

6. Everyday at 4:00, no matter where she is, she will require an ice cold Diet Coke.  Fountain Diet Coke to be exact.  She will only drink it if there is pebbled ice and it's in a soft Styrofoam cup.  Always give her a fluorescent pink bendy straw.  

7. Ms. Nelson tends to overreact 90% of the time.  It is your job to justify her behavior and ratify her emotions.  i.e.: if she gets teary eyed while talking about Titanic, an appropriate response would be asking if she wants to watch it while braiding her hair.  If she gets angry because someone asks her a stupid question, stay quiet and let her yell out a few choice words.  Then, applaud her for being honest with her emotions.  If she has a bad face day stroke her ego until she semi-blushes and then text her pictures of Ryan Gosling.

8. She needs theme music to walk into every room.  Examples include (but are not limited to)  The Saved by the Bell theme song, "Don't Stop Believin" by Journey, Dirrty by Christina Aguilera, and "What Up Gangsta" by 50 Cent

9. No one is ever prettier than her.  Ever.

10. Occasionally while driving Ms. Nelson will want to loudly sing a power ballad.  This power ballad is ALWAYS a duet, no questions asked.  Ms. Nelson is always the girl part.

11. Ms. Nelson must always be fully stocked on NyQuil and Excederin PM.  Please keep her phone away while she's under the influence of any or all.  

12. Newsies must be watched, quoted, and all songs sang to.  All the time.

13.  Never bring Ms. Nelson around Wal-Marts or high school girls,  you will be terminated immediately.  

COMPENSATION

You will be paid never and benefits are short (and rare) compliments and a handful of aspirin if you have a sick day.

my life according to my picture phone

So since I really don't have anything special to update you on I thought I would share some pictures that I took recently on my phone.

Pictures from the celebration for my Dad's work...

 The display hanging from the ceiling in the front entry of the museum...it's gorgeous!

 Our dinner was YUM

Dessert bar...served mini chocolate chip cookies with a shot of chocolate milk.  Adorbs right???

 Some more of the dessert bar....with open flames!

I was clearly obsessed with this display...

 Floral arrangements with Runts?  Yes.

One of the exhibits....Human Rights Photographers...it was a BEAUTIFUL and at times heartbreaking exhibit.  

I also took some hipster "Instagram" photos....

Me with my friends Maggie and Jenna at our friend Morgan's baby shower

 My dog...Colt

I wore milkmaid braids...it was a weird day

I'm clearly very mature and classy

So that's what's been going on in my life lately.  

Also I'm curious to know if you guys have a favorite post or something on the blog you like/don't like?  My comment section is open to suggestion and high fives.  Let me know!!!

xoxo

Transformation

Sometimes I'll take a nap.

You know when you take a nap during the day and you fall asleep looking like this...

and you wake up looking like this....

Usually how that works out for me.

*the person who can name who that is on the bottom gets a prize (no Googling allowed...and I know you 5 people who read my blog and I'll know if you cheated)

All My Friends Are Dead

I've always had kind of an odd sense of humor.  Sometimes it's very dry.  Sometimes it's morbid.  Mostly it's incredibly sarcastic.  I don't know if you've actually gathered that from my blog.  I thought I'd share 2 things that I love that perfectly describe me and my sense of humor.  The first one is something that I haven't thought of in awhile until I saw it on my friend Kelly's blog.  It's a book....a kind of children's book for adults called "All My Friends Are Dead".

Get it?  Because it's a dinosaur?  It's hilarious.  Here are some excerpts...

Ha ha ha.  Yeah.  It's such a great book.  I plan on my children being just as sarcastic as me.

Now for thing #2.  My favorite funny movie OF ALL TIME.  It's called "Waiting For Guffman".

 It's filmed "mockumentary" style kind of like "The Office" (which you know I also love....deeply).
It's a parody of community theater set in the small fictional town of Blaine, Missouri and follows some quirky and delusional residents as they prepare to put on a community theater production called "Red, White, and Blaine" to celebrate the town's 150th anniversary.  They even get an equally delusion "big time" producer named Corky St. Clair who is my absolute hero.  I adore him.  Here are some clips...

The trailer...




A scene from the musical....


And my favorite Corky St. Clair line....


Ok I think I've taken up enough of your time with my insane asylum-esque humor.  If you get the chance to see this movie though....do it.  It will change your life.

Happy Thanksgiving - The Vanessa Way

Hope it's a lovely holiday for you all.  I do have so much to be grateful for and I hope we can all remember to show that appreciation everyday and not just on Thanksgiving.  I would have to say that one thing I am so grateful for that I don't really talk about much are the troops serving our country.  I can't even express in words how grateful I am to the men and women who sacrifice the comforts of home, their families, and safety to defend and protect our country and it's freedoms.  What courage.  I don't ever want to take that for granted.
So today I challenge you to take advantage of the holiday.  Call up that person you've been wanting to apologize to.  Forgive someone their mistakes that have hurt you.  Tell that someone that you love them.  Don't let that moment pass.  Don't regret what you didn't say or do.

And seriously....pray for the giant balloon animals.  That stuff's no joke.

New job, new hair, new boyfriend

Some pretty big changes happening in my life right now!  As you know I've been working at Macy's in cosmetics/fragrances since May.  My official job was "on call" which means I was a floater...I would work from counter to counter as needed.  Sometimes I would have 40 hours....sometimes I would have 16.  It was unpredictable but something that I loved.  Ever since I started I have been longing to be a regular full or part-timer at a counter....the Lancome counter in particular.  I love their products and I feel so comfortable there.  They just have never had a place for me because they already had a full time and a part time.
Last Monday the part time girl came in and gave her 2 weeks notice.  I was holding my breath just praying that meant I could interview and possibly get the job.
Tuesday I go into work and my manager handed me my transfer paperwork, the main Regional manager person of Lancome just happened to be around and came to interview me, loved me, and told my manager to continue paperwork.
I have offiically been hired as the new part-time beauty adviser for Lancome!

I am so excited!!!!  This is something I have worked for and wanted for so long!!!

Also.....I cut my hair

And yeah that's the bathroom...because only super classy girls like me take self-photos in the bathroom.

What do you think???

ALSO we got a new puppy!

He is so sweet and adorable!  But we still can't come up with a name.  So if you would be so kind as to vote in the poll to your right we would greatly appreciate it!!!

The day I had a Pop-Tart theory

Some people believe in the Democrat party.  Some believe in the Republican party.  I support a different party.
The Pop-Tart party.

I have a firm belief in the fact that if  everyone had a cherry pop-tart...this world would be a much better place.  Terrorism would not exist.  Who wants to terrorize people when they have a gift from angels in their hands?  I picture the conversation going something like this...

"Hey guys you want to go bomb some innocent people?"
"Well we could....but we have cherry pop-tarts so....why would we?"

Cherry pop-tarts solve all world problems from threat level red to threat level midnight.  These are to be reserved for serious world problems.

But what if the terror threat is say...at a yellow/orange might you ask?

To that the simple answer is blueberry.  Blueberry pop-tarts.

Still with me?  Good.

If your threat level is at a safe green level the answer is brown sugar cinnamon.  Everyone loves them but they aren't really anything special.  They just keep people happy.

And as far as these go....

Clearly the inventor was just trying to get in my pants.

The day I talked about myself...

 I really love learning things about people and people learning things about me- so here are 29 things about me that you may not have known (another is....I hate even numbers)

 1. I bite my nails. It is a nasty habit that I'm trying so hard to quit.

2. I have an obsessive yawning problem. I yawn all the time! So if I yawn around you it isn't necessarily because you bore me. I just can't help it. (I just yawned while writing this actually)

3. I have very sensitive teeth...and skin...and sometimes feelings. I'm just sensitive all around...but I'm also really tough. I can cut people with the sharp edge of my words.

4. I have an obsession with Q-tips.

5. Sometimes I wash my feet before I go to bed...I just hate the thought of dirty feet on clean sheets.

6. I love the Golden Girls. I watch it everytime I can. It is hilarious and I want to be one when I'm old.

7. Breakfast at Tiffanys is my favorite movie of all time.

8. I always wish I was prettier.

9. I love my brother more than I ever thought I could love someone.

10. I love my sisters. I mean really love them. They are two of my best friends. I fight with them only because I'm jealous of them in one way or another. Calah for her wit and her disregard for everything conventional and Kenz for her beauty (seriously she's gorgeous) and her drive in academics.

11. I am a compulsive cleaner. I mean when I start I can not stop. I move around like a tornado. It usually starts in my room. I'll get new clothes so I decide to re organize my closet which leads to re organizing my entire room which leads to me cleaning the bathroom which leads to me cleaning until 6:30 am when I have to get up at 7:30 am.

12. I look up medical terminology and condidtions for fun. Don't be jealous.

*My favorite medical procedure is a pericardiocentisis by the way- if you want to know what that is...let me know (I'm also pretty convinced I could perform one)

13. I dream of falling in love in Paris (with an American....or an Italian).

14. I'm scared of open water.

15. I hate having my feet covered when I sleep. Usually I end up sleeping with at least one foot out...and you people who sleep in socks...are not natural.

16. I have a fondness for cherry poptarts

17. I love bubblegum...like bubblicious bubble gum (Gonzo Grape flavor is my fave).

18. I once had a dream (not even a love type one) about my high school geometry teacher and then after that had some sort of weird crush on him.

19. I regret admitting to #18 and might delete it.

20. I think differently than a lot of people which can be good or bad.

21. I have a hard time expressing my emotions verbally and do much better if I have the time to write it out...I'm in love with words.

22. I've never had a cavity and I am obsessed with keeping this streak going. I brush my teeth constantly.

23. I lick my lips and bite the inside of my lip when I'm nervous. Chapstick has become a constant companion of mine.

24. I have very long eyelashes. I get a lot of compliments on my eyes and I really love them.

25. In the last 6 months I have become severely lactose intolerant.  Once I started drinking soy milk (and fell in LOVE with it) I thought "ok I can handle this".  Once I discovered I could also no longer have: ice cream, frozen yogurt, sherbet, yogurt, alfredo sauce, etc - that thought was replaced with a resounding "BOOOO!!!!!"

26. One of my favorite shows is "Monsters Inside Me"- yeah it's as creepy as it sounds.  It's about parasites invading people's bodies.  It's off beat and weird but so am I.

27. I love kids. They are full of life and so funny and I can relate to them. I babysat starting at the age of 8, I've nannied and taught little kids at church for like 4 years....I am really really good with kids. I'm told it's one of my "talents"...well we all need something right?


28. My job at the hospital is the thing I am most proud of in my life.  I worked hard to get it, I worked hard at it, and felt so rewarded.  Yes it was tiring.  Yes it was stressful.  However- it was something that I always wanted to do but didn't think I could and instead of wishing I had I just did it.  I loved helping people every night and meeting new people.  It was the best time in my life and one that I miss a lot.

29. I like knowing people. I like knowing little things about people...like how my friend Beth hates cheese, how my sister puts make up on before she gets the mail, how my mom has to chew gum in the car...I also like people knowing these things about me. The little things that make a person who they are. The things people just notice without you having to tell them. It's comforting when I have a friend who says "I knew you wouldn't like that movie" or "I know you hate bacon so I left yours off"...simple things.