The two men in my life

So I have a confession to make.  I have not one but TWO secret lovers.  They've been with me for a very long time.  We've shared happy times together.  We've shared sad times together.  They used to come over every Monday night to watch "The Hills" with my bestie Beth and I.  Oh the times we've had.  I'm finally ready to introduce them to you.  They are.....
Ben
and
Jerry.
They've created some really great times in the past and I've always known they've cared about me.  But recently they just shared this with me....

And now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are completely in LOVE with me because it's LITERALLY the best thing that has ever come into my life.
So thank you Ben and my dear Jerry....but please don't be so obsessed with me (Pop-Tart guy will get jealous)

P.S. A lot of you asked what my favorite OTH episode is my favorite and I've decided that to answer...I'm gonna do an entire amazing post about it!  Are you excited?!  You should be.  ;)

A Letter

Dear Man Who Invented These,

Have you been talking to the inventor of the blueberry muffin ones?

The day I had a Pop-Tart theory

Some people believe in the Democrat party.  Some believe in the Republican party.  I support a different party.
The Pop-Tart party.

I have a firm belief in the fact that if  everyone had a cherry pop-tart...this world would be a much better place.  Terrorism would not exist.  Who wants to terrorize people when they have a gift from angels in their hands?  I picture the conversation going something like this...

"Hey guys you want to go bomb some innocent people?"
"Well we could....but we have cherry pop-tarts so....why would we?"

Cherry pop-tarts solve all world problems from threat level red to threat level midnight.  These are to be reserved for serious world problems.

But what if the terror threat is say...at a yellow/orange might you ask?

To that the simple answer is blueberry.  Blueberry pop-tarts.

Still with me?  Good.

If your threat level is at a safe green level the answer is brown sugar cinnamon.  Everyone loves them but they aren't really anything special.  They just keep people happy.

And as far as these go....

Clearly the inventor was just trying to get in my pants.