I watch TV so you don't have to. You're Welcome.

I watch too much TV. This is always the most apparent when I find myself in a loop of one insane show to another and I realize I've just spent 3 hours of my time being totally mindless.  So...to save you from my same fate I would like to share what you've missed this week in television.

First....Teen Mom 2 on MTV
What a filthy hot mess.  Here is the run-down:

How horrible of a person would I be if I said that the Kailyn girl has the ugliest baby I've ever seen?  And how horrible are you for agreeing with me?

Are all the baby daddys trying out for the next season of Tool Academy?  Like...are these their audition tapes?  If so...it's in the bag.  Except for camo-wearing, bad teeth, redneck guy.  He's super sweet.....but....you can't really look like that and be a douche.

Leah and Corey and their twin girls are adorable and awesome.  Don't ever change!!!

Jenelle and her lip pierced boyfriend toking it up in the car....super classy.  And a good way to show your speech-impediment Mom what a responsible adult you are.

Hey Jenelle...here are some of my favorite pictures of you and your Mom

How sweet.

The cops showed up for a domestic dispute so.....you know it's a good time.

Then there's always a sappy end montage....wow.  That was fun.

Now onto American Idol

First of all....getting rid of Kara Dioihatedyousomuchi'msogladyou'regone  or DioGuardi....was the BEST thing they ever did. The combo of her and Randy was just too much.

And replacing her with Jenny from the Block and Steven "bedroom eyes" Tyler....GENIUS!

Now...that being said.  American idol kids you crafty jerks....seducing me and pulling me in by singing ALL my favorite songs.  It's just not fair.

Beard guy....I love you.  Don't ever change.

Country girl...you're the only girl I like.

Weird guy....I love you.  Don't ever change.

Paul McDonald: Come Pick Me Up - Performances (click on that....just....watch him)

Then...we had another guy

 who said he was going to sing R.Kelly...so naturally I'm thinking he's going to sing "Ignition"...(it's the remix to ignition...hot 'n fresh out the kitchen...c'mon you know you're singing) aka...the best song R.Kelly ever sang....but NO..."I Believe I Can Fly"....BOORRRINNNGGG  and SO typical.  I believe you can fly....far far away (he does have an incredible voice however...so good job for that.)

Next girl is all..."I'm going to sing Michael Jackson" so I'm thinking "Dirty Diana" aka my favorite MJ song of all time.  But NO...."Smile" which actually belongs to Charlie Chaplin....GET OFF THE STAGE!!!

Let's see what this next kid is going to deliver....it better be good.....
....nope.
He reminded me of David Archuleta only less gay.  Or maybe more.  Either way...it hurt me.

Then the Latina girl gets up and sings a Selena song...way to break the stereotype.

Everyone shhhh.....my country boy lover is on next......

J.Lo is seducing my country boy lover with her eyes...and so is Steven Tyler....step off he's mine!!!!

Then came nasty dredlocks girl....who says she's going to sing Rihanna (shocker).

Who wants to bet it's going to be "Love the Way You Lie"?
Oh no....no....please Alah no....not Umbrella....
I really think she got her outfit from a dumpster like...for real.  And now she's Rastafarian rapping.....STOP PLEASE NOW

If Randy says "yo" one more time...I'm gonna burn this mother down...yo.

Now Steven Tyler is seducing me with his eyes...and I like it.

Then teeny tiny Ryan Seacrest came on....vote..blah blah blah...I'm 4'2"...blah blah blah.
The end.

That was a hot mess.  Speaking of hot messes....has anyone seen Paula Abdul lately?

Oh Paula.
I miss you.

Now I'm going to watch the new season of Real World and Jersey Shore....never before have I been so grateful that the herp cannot be transferred through television.

Until next time!  Keep your remotes nearby and your HPV shots up to date.

And just for fun...here's a video of Steven Tyler molesting girls with his words.

American Idol and others...

Ok so I know I've been a total slacker so here is my lowdown on the whole American Idol thing...

I was sad to see Allison go...and I was also sad to see Danny Gokey go because that meant that this kid...

was still in the competition.

Now don't get me wrong...he is a talented guy but I think he is way too into himself and I just think Kris is so cute and such a good guy and I just like the sound of his music more. I mean listen to this remake he did of Kanye West's song..."Heartless"

Original:

Kris:

I mean...brilliant right?

So the finale came. The last episode the guys had to sing 1 song chosen by themselves, one by the creator or ex.producer Simon Fuller and then the 3rd was a song written by my favorite person

Kara DiogohomewedontwantyouonAmericanIdolanymore

or DioGuardi

The guys both had their good songs and then they had to sing some cracked out song about surviving hurricanes and climbing mountains....

ok seriously Kara? I think you have the wrong show...this is American Idol...not Survivor- besides you think that Adam would even be on this show if it had anything to do with mountains or inclimate weather? No he would be too worried that his hair wouldn't be straight or his Guyliner would smudge....

and his pants are way too tight for that kind of adventure.

Anyway....

the final night was a great show...big names, big performances...good stuff.

And in the end....Seacrest (looking as pretty as ever) announced....this year's American Idol is....

KRIS ALLEN

I was so happy!

Congratulations Kris! You deserve it!

Look on the bright side Adam...maybe you'll get a deal with CoverGirl?

And in other good news....Shawn Johnson won "Dancing With the Stars"!

I really would have loved for Melissa to win but I'm happy for Shawn too!

This is my favorite dance of theirs....skip to about 2:00 to see the actual dance....

AI Run Down

Ok...American Idol.
Matt went home...sad but really who wasn't expecting it? I believe if you go back to look at my post last week you will clearly see that I totally called that one....yeah.
So anyway last night the theme was Rock and let me tell you...it did NOT disappoint!
Let me make it clear to you that classic rock is in my top 5 favorite things of all time...right along side mashed potatoes, wearing scrubs, diet coke, and Zack Morris.
So I was excited.
Now among all my favorite classic rock idols there is one that I am truly, hopelessly, and endlessly in love with.
He is so completely major that he needs only one name ladies and gentlemen...and that name is

SLASH

Even just hearing his name sends shivers down my spine.

Leaving his pure and brilliant talent aside...(I mean really WHO plays guitar like that???)

ANYONE who can totally rock it out while wearing leather pants, no shirt, no shoes, a top hat, an afro, while also smoking a cigarette (even though we shouldn't smoke kids...it will kill you)......GENIUS! HE COMPLETELY BLOWS MY MIND!

Wow...now that I've gotten THAT out of my system...
The American Idol kids had no idea what a treat they were in for. Their mentor this week? Oh I don't know just some guy by the name of

SLASH

(Did you feel the shivers?)
At the point where my little sweetheart Kris started playing guitar with

SLASH

I pretty much wanted to jump through the television screen.
I mean it could NOT get any better than that....
I'm still breathless.
So for the performances...
Adam went first and he decided to sing "Whole Lotta Love" by Led Zeppelin and I..to be honest..was worried. I LOVE Led Zeppelin as well and if you've ever listened to them you know that Robert Plant has that whole high falsetto thing going for him too so I was waiting for the inevitable moment where Adam screamed at me and I heard dogs barking.
It never came.
What? He actually did a terrific job...except for really Adam...let's start working on toning down the "sexy eyes"...there are about 10 other men in the world who I would rather be giving me those eyes...you are not on the list and I'm pretty sure Simon isn't impressed either.
Next up was Allison and I was really excited to see what she would end up singing because she also has that great rock quality voice. She sang "Cry Baby" by Janis Joplin and I loved it! Huge fan of Janis, huge fan of Allison, and when you combine the two...it's just lovely. The judges were really harping on her tonight though....and seriously...Kara? I'm SO OVER YOU! Go home! I would trade Anoop for YOU!...ok maybe not.
Sorry....I digress.
We then took a break from the competition to shake it up a bit. Duets. First of the night was Kris and Danny singing "Renegade" made famous by Styx. I loved their harmonies....it was good stuff.
Kris then gave us a delightful musical snack in the form of "Come Together" by the Beatles. Also loved it. The judges...not so much. Even Paula wasn't on her weird trippy "you can be anything you want" kind of moods. It was very strange.
Then darling little Danny Gokey came out to sing. Poor kid. I was really wondering what he would decide to sing because really- thinking about him singing rock was kind of giving me the same image as Eminem in a boy band.
He chose "Dream On" by Aerosmith which is a completely brilliant song by a completley genius band. There is a note in that song which Steve Tyler frankly BARELY gets away with....so when Danny decided to sing that note I wanted to shout "Abort!" "Abort!"
But he did it anyway.
And just as I suspected...yikes.
That is where I will leave that one at. Although I did like his outfit.
Then Adam and Allison rocked it out to "Slow Ride" and it was fabulous! They should totally do a duets album...I want to hear "Islands in the Stream" next time....and I think Adam should probably sing Dolly's part.
Just sayin.
All in all though it was a quite enjoyable night. I will be very interested in seeing who ends up leaving.
So there ya have it.
Rock On Folks
XOXO,
Me and
SLASH

Ok I'm done...really.

P.S. You can click on the performers names and it will link you to the videos on youtube.

American Idol Update!

That time of the week again that I know you all look forward to...my weekly break down of American Idol.
So last week TWO people had to go home and guess who they were...?
Lil Rounds and Anoop
Just goes to show that if you don't have a real name...they WILL be purchasing you a one way ticket back home.
I felt a little bad for Lil Rounds because when she started she really was amazing...it seems the more hair they added to her head the worse she got...sad really.



Last night was Standards night...and boy the competition was really on!
First up was my new absolute favorite...Kris Allen who sang "The Way You Look Tonight"- which is probably one of my favorite romantic songs of all time. It's so sweet and sometimes can actually bring me to tears. Kris did great of course and I think he should win.

Next was my dear Allison Iraheta who sang "Somebody to Watch Over Me" which was good but I'm starting to agree with Simon when he said that she doesn't sing like she wants to win...there isn't that spark and passion that others have but nothing can dispute her vocal ability.

Matt Giraud sang "My Funny Valentine" and I loved it. Do I think he should win? No. But do I think he is great and really wants to stay? Yes. Good job Matt.

Danny Gokey sang a great classic "Come Rain or Come Shine" and I personally thought that it was his best vocal to date. He sang with emotion and energy and just did great!

Last was Adam Lambert...
He sang the song "Feeling Good" made famous by Nina Simone. This song just happens to be in my top 5 favorite songs of ALL TIME! So I was really needing him to live up to the high expectation I give to people who sing it. Michael Buble and Muse are the only ones who have ever done even half as good as Nina did singing this song. And I must say I quite enjoyed Adam's version. He really does need to tone down the screaming though...we get it Adam. You can stop shouting now. But bar none he did have the best intro to a song so far.

And that's about it...I don't think there has ever been a season who had 5 really amazing and talented people left in the competition at the same time...it should be interesting to see who goes home tonight....quote me now it will probably be Matt going home...or Allison...maybe Kris though...or Adam..or quite possibly Danny.
You heard it here first.

Disco Inferno: An American Idol Update

So it's been a week since last week's American Idol update. Last week Matt was the one who was the bottom....but in a shocking twist of events the judges decided to keep him which means that tonight 2 people will go home...can you even HANDLE the suspense? I know me either. Last night was Disco night. Now...normally the word "disco" sends chills down my spine and the sudden urge to vomit arises. I'm not a fan of the 70's....what a horrible decade in history...however, I must say that this year I actually kind of enjoyed disco night. And the only reason why was because these guys ACTUALLY impressed me. They were (for the most part) able to take songs that normally make me want to drive a screwdriver through my skull and turn them into songs that I would consider downloading! I don't know if I've said this before but I really think that this season's group of people are BY FAR the most talented collected group EVER.
My favorites were pretty much the same....
Kris Allen is slowly edging his way up to my favorite guy singer. He comes up with the most incredible arrangements! He sang the song "She Works Hard For the Money" and turned it into genius. I'm so impressed by him...and did I mention he's totally adorable?
Allison Iraheta sang "Hot Stuff" which is clearly a work of lyrical genius. I really liked her arrangement and her vocals but as I was thinking I really wish she would have sang "Knock on Wood" instead or maybe a rousing rendition of "Raining Men"....I think if she re-arranged that song a bit she could have totally killed it. Fortunately for her she could probably sing the phonebook and totally kill it.
Adam Lambert ...I would have bet money that he would sing "Brick House" but he actually sang "If I Can't Have You" and I was preparing myself for yet another performance where he comes out....dances around...gives "sexy eyes" to the camera and then practically splits my ear drums on his last note because he sings so high. But this time he actually took a fast song and slowed it down and sang it as a ballad which I really enjoyed because he was becoming a one trick pony for me. Paula Abdul was turning into a "pool of abdul" because of his performance which sounds pretty gross. She said his performance was like he "ripped out his heart and left it there on stage" which is actually REALLY gross. I wouldn't go that far but it was good.
Danny Gokey sang "September". He did a great and solid performance.
Matt Giraud sang "Stayin Alive"....which was ironic...but not necessarily good. It wasn't bad but I really really like him and I'm so sad he isn't living up to his potential....

And rounding out my bottom 2 once again....
Lil Rounds....she sang Chaka Kahn's song "I'm Every Woman"....not well might I add.
And again...Anoop
Who invited this kid? Every performance of his makes me want to laugh out loud....sometimes for no reason at all. All the judges loved his performance....EXCEPT for the only judge who has apparently NOT had a lobotomy...Simon of course who said "mediocre at best" Thank you Simon...could not have said it better myself.

So now I guess it's up to America....and I'll be interesting in finding out the verdict. And what about you? Who did you feel had the hot stuff baby this evening?
Let me know.
Keep Boogie Oogie Oogie-ing all you Jive Turkeys.