This One's For You

To any girl reading this:
I've been thinking about my life and all the lessons I've learned and I thought....if I could share anything I've learned in life...what would it be?  What advice would I give my sisters? It's taken me a lot of heart and hurt to learn the lessons I have on
 1. Friends
 2. Boys
 3. Yourself

Friends.
Who you invest your time into should be willing to invest the same amount of time in you.  You should never feel like less than who you are with your friends. Don't feel like you have to compete with your friends.  If you ever feel like someone isn't supportive of you or they are not happy for your happiness...they are not your friend. You should never feel like who you are isn't accepted with your friends.  Sometimes your friends will be the worst...and sometimes so will you.  Look deeper at people.  Forgive.  Friendship takes so much forgiving and someday you'll need the same forgiveness that you give.

Boys.
A part of me wants to write "boys are dumb" and leave it at that....but you already know that.  I think the main thing I've learned when it comes to boys is that no matter what...they can't define you.  One day you might give your heart to someone who just doesn't know what to do with it.  This will hurt.  This will hurt so much.  It does not mean that someone someday won't see the depth of the love you have and be willing to swim deeper rather than stay on the shore.  One day you might realize that the boy you love isn't the boy you are supposed to love.  That's ok too.  It's ok to say no to something or someone.

Yourself.
Whoever you are is the perfect person to be.  Sometimes you will feel like you're too loud or too quiet.  Sometimes you will feel like your heart could burst with all the love you're capable of sharing.  Sometimes you will feel like your heart could burst with all the love that you feel will never been reciprocated.  Sometimes you will cry or maybe you will never cry.  Sometimes you will be best friends with everyone and sometimes you will need to be alone.
All of this. Every single thing is ok.  It's ok to feel and be all of these things.  Be who you are.  Love yourself and never apologize for what that might be.  Love with everything you have, laugh too loud, dance too much.  Live life on your own terms.  Anybody who is worth having in your life will accept who you are.  Every single part of you.  Don't waste time on those who don't see you and appreciate everything you have to give.

xoxo

V

Falling In Love

I am a girl who always wants things too much.  I get attached.  I fall in love with a hundred things a day.
I was recently described as an "all or nothing kind of girl" which is entirely accurate.  I'm either completely uninterested or completely obsessed.  The "problem" with this is that it sets me up to be heartbroken a hundred times a day.  Does that make sense?  I fall in love with possibilities, I fall in love with ideas, I fall in love with things I want, I fall in love with people.  Then when these things don't happen or don't work out....I crash and become so disappointed.  Does anyone else have this problem?  The thing is I don't think I'll ever stop being that way.  It's who I am.  I found a quote that says

"Get excited about the little things.  About wearing a new outfit for the first time.  About Saturday lunches with your best friends.  About the new cute guy you work with.  About finding an extra dollar in your pocket.  About anything that even remotely makes you happy because as you grow up, passions fade and enthusiasm gets mistaken for foolishness.  Don't let the grays of the world keep you from shining."

So I've just decided to keep living this way.  Even though the downs hurt a little more...it's worth it to live a passionate life.  

A little more context to this post.....I recently grew attached to 3 very big ideas.  

1. A townhouse I've been wanting to live in for 2 years

2. A huge promotion at work

3. A boy

I tediously filled out all the paperwork for the townhouse and we waited and waited and in the end....we did not get it.  I was crushed.  I found another townhouse that we loved and we were told we had gotten it and were getting ready to sign the papers and put down the deposit....20 minutes before we were supposed to leave...the lady called and told us she changed her mind.  I was both crushed AND furious.  So.....it's left me a little lackluster.

The bright spot is that I got the promotion at work I've been wanting!!!!!  It's a huge deal and very exciting and I start Monday! This promotion is definitely a mixed bag as I am so excited to start a new adventure but it means I will be leaving Clinique.  Clinique has been the most amazing company to work for and my co-workers at that counter are my family.  At least I will still work in the same building as them and see them but I do get sad if I think about it too much.

And the boy....well....that's to be continued.

xoxo

V

To My Valentines.....

I really do adore you all.  Thank you for your comments and likes and blah blah blah.  I really appreciate it all.  I hope you have not only a day but also a LIFE full of love.

xoxo

V

Love Songs

Crazy Love - Van Morrison

I can hear her heart beating, for a thousand miles, and the heavens open every time she smiles

Turning Page - Sleeping At Last

Your love is my turning page, where only the sweetest words remain, every kiss is a cursive line, every touch a redefining phrase

Kathy's Song - Simon & Garfunkel

The only truth I know is you

True Love - P!nk

But without you I'm incomplete

Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Wait....they don't love you like I love you

Fall Apart Today - Schulyer Fisk

Don't forget you love me today

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Roberta Flack

The first time ever I kissed your mouth, I felt the earth move in my hand

So Contagious - Acceptance
When I'm around you I'm predictable cause I believe in loving you at first sight

Baby I'm Yours - Arctic Monkeys
I'll be yours until two and two is three, yours until mountains crumble to the sea, in other words, until eternity

My Girl Tonight - Jon McLaughlin
I used to think my heart just healed to break

More In Love With You - Jason Reeves feat. Nelly Joy
I will dream with you until they all come true....and I will spend my whole life through falling more in love with you

When They Fight, They Fight - The Generationals
When they fight they fight, when they come home at night they say, I love you baby

How Long Will I Love You - Ellie Goulding
How long will I be with you, as long as the sea is bound to wash upon the sand

When You Love Someone - Bryan Adams

You'll shoot the moon, put out the sun, when  you love someone

Love You Madly - Cake

When I kiss your lips I want to sink down to the bottom of the sea

I Was Made To Love Her - Stevie Wonder

I was made to love her

Eavesdrop - The Civil Wars

I can't pull you closer than this just you and the moon on my skin

Home - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes

Home is wherever I'm with you

Mirrors - Justin Timberlake

The vacancy that sat in my heart is a space that now you hold

1000 Times - Sara Bareilles

A hundred and five little blades in a line from your skin to mine 

Hold You In My Arms - Ray LaMontagne

When you kissed my lips, my mouth so full of questions it's my worried mind you quiet

Love Like a Sunset Pt II - Phoenix

Where it starts it ends love like a sunset

Last Request - Paolo Nutini

Grant my last request and just let me hold you

Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

I took the stars from my eyes and then I made a map and I knew that somehow I would find my way back, then I heard your heart beating you were in the darkness too, so I stayed in the darkness with you

She Will Stay Beneath The Moon - Adam Barnes

The kind of love to make your heart go numb

Pull Me Down - Mikky Ekko 

We could be king and queen of the moonlight

A Sunday Kind Of Love - Etta James

My arms need someone, someone to enfold

Bleed To Love Her - Fleetwood Mac

And how she takes my breath away pretending that she don't miss me

I Would Do Anything For You - Foster The People

I've fallen in love and it's better this time than ever before

Flaws - Bastille

You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve

Inevitable - Anberlin

I want to be your last first kiss 

Hold Onto My Heart - Graham Colton

You don't know how you look in imaginary white but I do

Start of Time - Gabrielle Aplin

When you walked into the room just then it's like the sun came out

All Of Me - John Legend

Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts

My My Love - Joshua Radin

I've been without you too long

Ho Hey - The Lumineers

I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart

You're My Home - Billy Joel

I need you in my house cause you're my home

Hazy - Rosi Golan
If I forgot who I am will you please remind me, cause without you things go hazy

Let Love Stand a Chance - Charles Bradley
All the walls we build around us let them fall to the floor

Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Lauryn Hill
The sight of you leaves me weak

Romeo and Juliet - The Killers
You said I love you like the stars above I'll love you till I die

Hey Na Na - Katie Herzig
I've got a little secret too, I've got a mad little crush on you

Let's Do It (Let's Fall In Love) - Ella Fitzgerald
Let's do it, let's fall in love

Fix You - Coldplay
Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and I will try to fix you

Northern Wind - City and Colour
You're the other half, you're like a missing piece

Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran

I was made to keep your body warm

State Of Grace - Taylor Swift

Love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right

Cannonball - Damien Rice

There's still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed

XO - Beyonce

In the darkest night I search through the crowd your face is all that I see I'll give you everything baby love me lights out

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers

When I'm dreaming I know I'm gonna dream I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you

Look After You - The Fray

You've begun to feel like home

A Love Story

These are my great grandparents.  Last week my Oma had a stroke and has had a very difficult recovery.  My Opa, her husband, who doesn't really like to leave the house much these days, has been there every day.  He does it for her.  This is a picture of real love.  No gimmicks.  No fanfare.  Love doesn't have to cross an ocean to be real, sometimes it just has to cross a room.  This is something I will always treasure.  A beautiful perfect example of selfless real love.  

I think that's better than The Notebook if you ask me.

**My Oma will be released to rehab facility tomorrow.  She is a fighter!

Finding The Good

I don't really know what to title this.  I don't know if I'll even ever give it a title.  Something you may not know about me is I suffer from high anxiety and panic attacks.  My anxiety is daily and yes at times it makes it difficult for me to do the simplest of tasks.  Sometimes I get a weird feeling about an elevator so I can't take it.  I literally grip my seat and don't hardly breathe when in a car in the snow.  Crowded places are really bad for me because I think something bad is going to happen.  I know to people who don't suffer from anxiety, this sounds absolutely mental.  I've experienced these feelings since I was a kid and it's hard to explain the actual feelings.
Last year I had one of the worst anxiety episodes I've ever experienced.
December 14, 2012 one of the most horrific things, I think in the history of the world, happened.
Sandy Hook Elementary.
I don't even think I need to explain further because everyone knows what happened.  Everyone knows what that day was.  I had a very hard time processing what happened there for some reason.  I still to this day don't really know why.  Maybe it's because I have a little brother in elementary school who I love more than anything.  Maybe because I know how losing a child can hurt a family so deeply there are no words in the English language that can define it.  Whatever it was, it put me in a strange tailspin.  I literally could not leave the house.  I didn't want my brother to leave the house.
Right around this time my family planned a trip up to Salt Lake City to go see the lights around Temple Square.  I panicked.  It's my favorite thing in the entire world.  The thing I look forward to most about the Christmas season...and yet I was prepared to miss it.  I couldn't go.  We would take a train and be around all these people and something terrible was sure to happen.  My heart was heavy and my anxiety was incredibly high.  I decided to attempt to go even though I did not want to.
I'm very glad I did.
There was a beautiful peaceful spirit there that I can't even really put into words.  The flag was flying at half mast which was sad but seeing that flag in such a peaceful place for some reason put such peace in my heart.  I knew the love our Savior has for us.  I knew that our Savior was there to welcome those sweet babies home. I was reminded of the Christmas song "I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day" that says
"And in despair I bowed my head: 'There is no peace on earth,' I said 'For hate is strong, and mocks the song of peace on earth, good will to men.' Then pealed the bells more loud and deep: 'God is not dead, nor doth He sleep; the wrong shall fail, the right prevail, with peace on earth good will to men."
Terrible, evil, heartbreaking, senseless.  Yes, it was all of those things but we can not forget that there is good in the world.  Wonderful, good, heartwarming, perfect love.  After that I felt a lot better.  I know it seems strange that I'm linking these two things together and I didn't mean for this to be a post about me and my anxiety.  These two experiences were just incredibly linked for me.
This is still an event that weighs heavy on my heart.  Just 2 weeks ago I was in the bathroom sobbing thinking about these families who have to remember it everyday.  Especially with the one year anniversary so close.  It should be noted that I am a HIGHLY sympathetic person.  I have experienced things that were so incredibly difficult so I think it makes me more in tune with the struggles of others (although crying while half naked after a shower for seemingly no reason is a low point for me) and then a friend of mine posted this beautiful video on Facebook that I'd like to share with you.

Evil did not win.  Evil never wins.  No matter what you're going through or how hard it seems....you can do it. You are stronger than you could ever imagine.  I promise that you'll get through it and you'll look back and think "dang....I'm amazing".  Life hurts us.  No one is immune.  It may not be to the extent of something like Sandy Hook.  It doesn't have to be to be painful.  Sometimes it's the quiet sadness, loneliness, sneaky pain that you can't even describe that hurts the most.  You can overcome it.  I know you can because I've experienced it too.  Believe in good.  Believe in strength.  Believe in love.  One of my all time favorite quotes comes from the movie "Love Actually" which is definitely one of my all time favorite movies as well.

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport.  General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that.  It seems to me that love is everywhere.  Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends.  When the plans hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love.  If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around."

And just in remembrance of those who lost their life that day I just want to share one of the most beautiful tributes I saw during that time.



P.S.  If you ever need anyone to talk to....I'm a pretty good listener.  My comment box and email are always open. :)

engaged

Don't get excited.....no Jon Hamm has not proposed to me yet.  Any day now though.  Don't worry y'all will be the first to know.
BUT  one of my very best friends in the entire world....

JENNA!

Got engaged last night!

Congrats Jenna and Josh!  Love you guys!!!

My future spouse

So this Mr. Hottie McHotterson

got married.  Word on the street is he met his Mrs. at a Whole Foods while grocery shopping.

Taking that equation and considering my personal habits......
I will meet my husband at a Maverick gas station when I am 10 minutes late for work.
How romantic.

Yes please

I don't know if you've ever seen Oprah's closet.  Sometimes I Google it and just stare for awhile.  

Besides watching "Pretty In Pink"...that's pretty much how I've spent my Sunday.

Sometimes I shock myself with how productive I am.

love....

‘And in the end, the love you get is equal to the love you give.’

‘And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.’

Either way it works John, misquoted or true to form. Thank you, Sir. Paul McCartney.

The holidays can be bittersweet. But the love that you give, will be the love that you get.

Unsaid

Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. And so I don't say anything.
And I am left to wonder what if? What if? No two words put together can haunt someone as much as those.

If they were to die tomorrow, wouldn't I have wanted them to know how I feel. I just wish it was still socially acceptable to just be honest and open with our feelings. Life would be so much easier.

(I know this post seems super random but....it's not.)

And thank you to The Fray for providing the perfect song for this feeling-

Love Like a Seahorse

I've always been fascinated by ocean life.  Remember how I want a pygmy octopus as a pet?  Yes.  I do.  Another underwater creature I've always loved are seahorses.  I just think they are so unique and cool.  My little brother is doing a project on seahorses and I've been helping him with it.  I've learned so much about them and something I really love is the way they love.  Each other.  My favorite part?  When the seahorses are courting each other they dance for one another.  How amazing and beautiful is that?  I love dancing.  It's such a beautiful expression of feeling.  And these seahorses, these monogamous seahorses find each other each day and dance.  Beautiful.



Who knew we could learn so much from seahorses?  Did you see that word monogamous?  If seahorses can do it I don't know why so many humans in the world let others into their heart besides their spouse.  So yay for seahorses!
Plus the males carry the babies.  Genius. :)