Friday, January 29, 2010
moon
“Goodnight room. Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight light and the red balloon. Goodnight bears. Goodnight chairs. Goodnight kittens. Goodnight mittens. Goodnight clocks and goodnight socks. Goodnight little house and goodnight mouse. Goodnight comb and goodnight brush. Goodnight nobody. Goodnight mush and goodnight to the old lady whispering, “hush”. Goodnight stars, goodnight air. Goodnight noises everywhere.”
"..and then alice fell down the rabbit hole"
Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to an end! 'I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. 'I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I think--' (for, you see, Alice had learnt several things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not a VERY good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) '--yes, that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, or Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to say.)
Presently she began again. 'I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with their heads downward! The Antipathies, I think--' (she was rather glad there WAS no one listening, this time, as it didn't sound at all the right word) '--but I shall have to ask them what the name of the country is, you know. Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and she tried to curtsey as she spoke--fancy curtseying as you're falling through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) 'And what an ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll never do to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere."
-Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
sometimes I feel like alice...second guessing yourself as you are falling down a long tunnel only to find that you are in a strange world that you don't understand.
i really really love this music video. very neat. very alice-esque. figured now would be as good a time as any to post it.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
"i'll tell you one thing fred darling...i'd marry you for your money in a minute"
throughout my life i have seen a lot of movies. my parents are movie people. they both have their individual taste in movies and lucky us got to sample them both. disney films were a staple as kids (obviously) and as i grew up i learned to really enjoy smaller scale indie films. some of my favorites include: junebug, my sassy girl, and expiration date (jen you have to see that movie) among others. but no matter how many amazing movies i've seen big hits or otherwise nothing will ever replace the classics. my parents could both agree that classic movies were best. one of my dad's favorite movies is "a philidelphia story" which i've grown a deep love for. but no other movie in the world speaks to me more than "breakfast at tiffanys"
i'm not sure why. maybe it's the lead character Holly Golightly's (played by the amazing audrey hepburn) eccentric personality.
maybe it's Paul Varjak's (played by George Peppard) cynicism.
maybe its the way neither of them believe in love.
maybe it's the way they find it anyway.
i really identify with the characters and i've always wanted to be exactly like audrey hepburn.
plus i feel the same way as holly about tiffanys.
it's filled with so many classic lines...
"I've got to do something about the way I look. I mean a girl just can't go to Sing Sing with a green face."
"The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling? Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name"
"You could always tell what kind of a person a man thinks you are by the earrings he gives you."
"You musn't give your heart to a wild thing. The more you do, the stronger they get, until they're strong enough to run into the woods or fly into a tree. And then to a higher tree and then to the sky."
"Certain shades of limelight will ruin a girls complexion"
i just absolutely am madly in love with this movie. it's a love story but a love story i can identify with. it's beautiful, sad, funny, magical.
please if you haven't seen this movie. do. immediately. you won't regret it.
i'm not sure why. maybe it's the lead character Holly Golightly's (played by the amazing audrey hepburn) eccentric personality.
maybe it's Paul Varjak's (played by George Peppard) cynicism.
maybe its the way neither of them believe in love.
maybe it's the way they find it anyway.
i really identify with the characters and i've always wanted to be exactly like audrey hepburn.
plus i feel the same way as holly about tiffanys.
it's filled with so many classic lines...
"I've got to do something about the way I look. I mean a girl just can't go to Sing Sing with a green face."
"The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling? Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name"
"You could always tell what kind of a person a man thinks you are by the earrings he gives you."
"You musn't give your heart to a wild thing. The more you do, the stronger they get, until they're strong enough to run into the woods or fly into a tree. And then to a higher tree and then to the sky."
"Certain shades of limelight will ruin a girls complexion"
i just absolutely am madly in love with this movie. it's a love story but a love story i can identify with. it's beautiful, sad, funny, magical.
please if you haven't seen this movie. do. immediately. you won't regret it.
eight legged love
On keeping an octopus (granted it has to be a small one):
These eight-legged sea creatures are infamous escape artists. Even an octopus with a melon-sized head can slip through a hole the size of a nickel. Pygmy octopuses can fit through any hole, no matter the size. So when setting up your tank, be sure that the lid is tightly secured. Even if it has no holes or openings in it does not mean it is secured. There have been several reports of octopuses figuring out how to lift the lid and wriggle out. If you have other tanks nearby, an octopus can escape, get into another tank for some munchies, then return to their own tank! This is because octopuses are also active hunters.
i'm seriously considering getting one as a pet after i move out. what do you think?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
blizzards, lost cars, pizza, and Tyler Hilton
I know the title of the blog looks like a "one of these things does not belong here" game.
It's not.
Believe it or not all these things tie into one event.
Jessica and I decided we were going to brave the cold weather (and winter storm advisories) and head up to Park City, UT for the annual film fest.
I was really excited because it's the perfect place to do some celebrity spotting. I even wore my sunglasses (at night) around for awhile so I'd look like a celebrity too. Then people would come up to me and be like "aren't you that one girl?" and I'd be like "yes" and then they'd say "can we have your autograph?" and I would give it to them because that is the kind of tender hearted celebrity I am!...
sorry. back to reality.
When we got there our first item of business was to eat. We were starving. After hanging out and chatting with some cool kids on the shuttle (shout out to scarf boys!!!) we decided the best place to go would be
We split a DIVINE Hawaiian style pizza and then braved the cold weather again.
Walking down the street we happened upon an art gallery. I said out loud "ya know Tyler Hilton is supposed to be playing at an art gallery"
and just then who do I see through the window?
Tyler Hilton
If you don't know who Tyler Hilton is...you should. I've blogged about him before.
But here's some more info:
he is a musician who writes incredible music. seriously lyrics like poetry set to music type music
he is an actor. acting gigs include: one tree hill, walk the line, charlie bartlett, and a cameo in Taylor Swift's video "Teardrops on My Guitar"
he is awesome
pretty much all you need to know.
so we go inside just as he is about to start his set. he sang. he played guitar. he was awesome.
after we hung out to say hi and have a little photo op. he was so cool. we chatted. we exchanged hilarious anecdotes. at one point he hit me with his jacket. i didn't care. he smelled like hair gel and genius.
then we braved the cold once more (at this point the snow is coming down in a blizzard like pattern. the ground is covered in snow/mud slushy. it is slippery.)
whilst walking along the sidewalk we bumped into (literally) Ian Ziering. You may remember him as Steve Sanders. It was too cold to get a pic. I've met him already anyway.
Then we proceeded to look for somewhere to hang out. We found a little hole-in-the-wall type bar that wasn't as crowded as the rest.
whilst entering the bar we bumped into (not literally) Andy from The Bachelor. He was with some girl and on his way out so no picture there either.
We hung out for awhile and then decided we should head out. It was midnight at this point and the snow was coming down even harder.
We hopped back on the shuttle to head back to the car. And met up with our long lost buddies "the scarf boys". Shuttle drops us off at Lot #4. We enter said lot and can't find the car anywhere. We proceed to walk up the snow covered hill to lots 3,2, and 1 respectively. Still no car.
We then proceed to walk all the way back down the hill and finally (after walking through snow literally up to our knees, falling down multiple times, and laughing so hard we almost pee our pants) we find the car in lot #6.
We made the treacherous journey back down the hill through Park City and back down the canyon. Thanks to Jess's amazing driving skills and rockstar of a car we got back down safely. We went to a shady Wal-Mart for some supplies and headed on back to her place for a slumber party! Which was so fun because we hadn't done that since college when we all used to bring our mattresses out to the living room...aww memories.
After an episode of Jersey Shore we both crashed.
All in all it was a great weekend. I had a blast and can't wait to do it all again next year!
It's not.
Believe it or not all these things tie into one event.
The Sundance Film Festival
Jessica and I decided we were going to brave the cold weather (and winter storm advisories) and head up to Park City, UT for the annual film fest.
I was really excited because it's the perfect place to do some celebrity spotting. I even wore my sunglasses (at night) around for awhile so I'd look like a celebrity too. Then people would come up to me and be like "aren't you that one girl?" and I'd be like "yes" and then they'd say "can we have your autograph?" and I would give it to them because that is the kind of tender hearted celebrity I am!...
sorry. back to reality.
When we got there our first item of business was to eat. We were starving. After hanging out and chatting with some cool kids on the shuttle (shout out to scarf boys!!!) we decided the best place to go would be
We split a DIVINE Hawaiian style pizza and then braved the cold weather again.
Walking down the street we happened upon an art gallery. I said out loud "ya know Tyler Hilton is supposed to be playing at an art gallery"
and just then who do I see through the window?
Tyler Hilton
If you don't know who Tyler Hilton is...you should. I've blogged about him before.
But here's some more info:
he is a musician who writes incredible music. seriously lyrics like poetry set to music type music
he is an actor. acting gigs include: one tree hill, walk the line, charlie bartlett, and a cameo in Taylor Swift's video "Teardrops on My Guitar"
he is awesome
pretty much all you need to know.
so we go inside just as he is about to start his set. he sang. he played guitar. he was awesome.
after we hung out to say hi and have a little photo op. he was so cool. we chatted. we exchanged hilarious anecdotes. at one point he hit me with his jacket. i didn't care. he smelled like hair gel and genius.
Then we proceeded to look for somewhere to hang out. We found a little hole-in-the-wall type bar that wasn't as crowded as the rest.
whilst entering the bar we bumped into (not literally) Andy from The Bachelor. He was with some girl and on his way out so no picture there either.
We hung out for awhile and then decided we should head out. It was midnight at this point and the snow was coming down even harder.
We hopped back on the shuttle to head back to the car. And met up with our long lost buddies "the scarf boys". Shuttle drops us off at Lot #4. We enter said lot and can't find the car anywhere. We proceed to walk up the snow covered hill to lots 3,2, and 1 respectively. Still no car.
We then proceed to walk all the way back down the hill and finally (after walking through snow literally up to our knees, falling down multiple times, and laughing so hard we almost pee our pants) we find the car in lot #6.
We made the treacherous journey back down the hill through Park City and back down the canyon. Thanks to Jess's amazing driving skills and rockstar of a car we got back down safely. We went to a shady Wal-Mart for some supplies and headed on back to her place for a slumber party! Which was so fun because we hadn't done that since college when we all used to bring our mattresses out to the living room...aww memories.
After an episode of Jersey Shore we both crashed.
All in all it was a great weekend. I had a blast and can't wait to do it all again next year!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Life is a Highway
and if that highway includes cat fights, high pitched voices, mascara, hairspray, screaming, raccoons, s'mores, wine, tears, pink luggage (monkey baby I'm talking to you here...), and roses...
you might be on a road trip with the bachelorettes.
Sound like a good time?
If you answered yes please stop reading this and seek help. Now.
Week 4 and seriously it feels like this show has been going on a lot longer doesn't it?
I will say there was a whole lot less sociopathic behavior (aka entertainment) now that Michelle is gone to what we all hope is a highly specialized mental facility.
But it was still good because now we are getting down to it. Girls are starting to stand out and Jake is making some important cuts.
We start out this episode with 9 girls in an RV headed up the California coast (with Jake faithfully leading the way on his motorcycle of course).
Gia gets the individual date...
They went to a vineyard for some wine tasting and then went back to Jake's campsite for some hot dogs and smores. I loved when Jake said
"We're doing it low key and one might expect steaks or something but we're having hot dogs and I really want to see how Gia handles that"
It reminded me of last week when he made Vienna jump off a bridge for her rose. I half expected Jake to make Gia walk through the bonfire flames for hers.
But he didn't.
They ended up having a great time and guess what? Gia wants to adopt a Chinese baby! In case you were wondering...
she got her rose.
She's ok but I think she is not really ready to get married and there is still something really superficial and materialistic about her.
Group date was next with: Ashleigh, Tenley, Vienna, Corrie, Ali, and another random brunette (apparently her name was Jessie? Pretty sure I gave her the best slurred speech the first night award so...yeah).
They went doonbuggy-ing (which is of course a word) and apparently had fun.
I think Jake really really likes Tenley which makes me a little nervous because I'm not sure she is emotionally prepared for another relationship. She cries EVERY time she talks about her ex and this is her first dating experience since her divorce??? That doesn't seem right. Plus she talks in a baby voice and pretty sure she has a thing for princess dresses, tiaras, and princess figurines from the Disney store. Doesn't she seem that type to you?
I still love Ali. Enough said about that.
Jake had a momentary lifting of the fog while talking to Vienna. He kind of called her out on getting caught up in drama with the other girls and told her that she seems to act totally different with him than with the girls. And said there were some red flags...
I'm really going to highlight that for you so that when your jaw drops to the ground at the end of this you will read back and remember why...
Ok so then there was another date card that read...
"Two girls one rose
One stays, one goes"
xoxo
Chris Harrison
And the 2 lucky girls were monkey baby and Kathryn.
They had an ok time but in the end Jake sent them BOTH home.
The scene goes to Jake dramatically burning the rose he was supposed to give to one of the girls while sinister music played.
I love reality tv.
So for those mathematicians out there he is now down to 7 girls.
At the rose ceremony he was supposed to hand out 4 roses.
Gia already had one
and he gave another one to Tenley
He gives one to Ali
He gives one to Corrie
and then tells Chris Harrison he only wants to give out 1 more instead of 2.
And the final rose went to....
Vienna
WHAT??? Yeah I know...I have no idea why either. Didn't he watch the season when he was on "The Bachelorette" and everyone was warning Jillian about Wes (him included) and she kept him around?
Um hello Jake? Meet female Wes. Her name is Vienna.
Ashleigh
and obscure brunette #2 went home but judging by this girls outfit in her photo I would have sent her home the first week.
It will be interesting to see how next week pans out.
I did want to share an observation I had last night. So you know how when you watch sports all the ads are for like Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, etc...and like...oil changes?
All the ads during the Bachelor were for waterproof mascara and anti-depressants.
Coincidence?
I think not.
Well that's it for this week. Any thoughts???
And if you were doing your math
9 women-1 normal girl-1 monkey baby-1 cute blonde-1 camouflage brunette= 5 left
you might be on a road trip with the bachelorettes.
Sound like a good time?
If you answered yes please stop reading this and seek help. Now.
Week 4 and seriously it feels like this show has been going on a lot longer doesn't it?
I will say there was a whole lot less sociopathic behavior (aka entertainment) now that Michelle is gone to what we all hope is a highly specialized mental facility.
But it was still good because now we are getting down to it. Girls are starting to stand out and Jake is making some important cuts.
We start out this episode with 9 girls in an RV headed up the California coast (with Jake faithfully leading the way on his motorcycle of course).
Gia gets the individual date...
They went to a vineyard for some wine tasting and then went back to Jake's campsite for some hot dogs and smores. I loved when Jake said
"We're doing it low key and one might expect steaks or something but we're having hot dogs and I really want to see how Gia handles that"
It reminded me of last week when he made Vienna jump off a bridge for her rose. I half expected Jake to make Gia walk through the bonfire flames for hers.
But he didn't.
They ended up having a great time and guess what? Gia wants to adopt a Chinese baby! In case you were wondering...
she got her rose.
She's ok but I think she is not really ready to get married and there is still something really superficial and materialistic about her.
Group date was next with: Ashleigh, Tenley, Vienna, Corrie, Ali, and another random brunette (apparently her name was Jessie? Pretty sure I gave her the best slurred speech the first night award so...yeah).
They went doonbuggy-ing (which is of course a word) and apparently had fun.
I think Jake really really likes Tenley which makes me a little nervous because I'm not sure she is emotionally prepared for another relationship. She cries EVERY time she talks about her ex and this is her first dating experience since her divorce??? That doesn't seem right. Plus she talks in a baby voice and pretty sure she has a thing for princess dresses, tiaras, and princess figurines from the Disney store. Doesn't she seem that type to you?
I still love Ali. Enough said about that.
Jake had a momentary lifting of the fog while talking to Vienna. He kind of called her out on getting caught up in drama with the other girls and told her that she seems to act totally different with him than with the girls. And said there were some red flags...
I'm really going to highlight that for you so that when your jaw drops to the ground at the end of this you will read back and remember why...
Ok so then there was another date card that read...
"Two girls one rose
One stays, one goes"
xoxo
Chris Harrison
And the 2 lucky girls were monkey baby and Kathryn.
They had an ok time but in the end Jake sent them BOTH home.
The scene goes to Jake dramatically burning the rose he was supposed to give to one of the girls while sinister music played.
I love reality tv.
So for those mathematicians out there he is now down to 7 girls.
At the rose ceremony he was supposed to hand out 4 roses.
Gia already had one
and he gave another one to Tenley
He gives one to Ali
He gives one to Corrie
and then tells Chris Harrison he only wants to give out 1 more instead of 2.
And the final rose went to....
Vienna
WHAT??? Yeah I know...I have no idea why either. Didn't he watch the season when he was on "The Bachelorette" and everyone was warning Jillian about Wes (him included) and she kept him around?
Um hello Jake? Meet female Wes. Her name is Vienna.
Ashleigh
and obscure brunette #2 went home but judging by this girls outfit in her photo I would have sent her home the first week.
It will be interesting to see how next week pans out.
I did want to share an observation I had last night. So you know how when you watch sports all the ads are for like Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, etc...and like...oil changes?
All the ads during the Bachelor were for waterproof mascara and anti-depressants.
Coincidence?
I think not.
Well that's it for this week. Any thoughts???
And if you were doing your math
9 women-1 normal girl-1 monkey baby-1 cute blonde-1 camouflage brunette= 5 left
Monday, January 25, 2010
We're In Miami Trick...
it's always darkest right before dawn
and in the second half my Colts lit up that scoreboard for a W over the Jets, the title of AFC Champions and a trip to Miami to compete in the Super Bowl. Again.
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Just a little fun fact for ya'll: the 4 times the Colts have been to the SuperBowl all 4 times it has taken place in Miami and 3 out of those 4 have resulted in a win. Just sayin...
And in other news I also watched the Saints vs Vikings in the NFC championship game (Saints being my 2nd favorite team in the NFL and Brett Favre being one of my least favorite things) and was pleased that the Saints defeated the Vikings and will join us in Miami.
I wonder which team Favre will try to play for next season?
Don't get me wrong however...I like the Saints but...
Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints?
The Colts!
PS Just a shout out to my boy Austin Collie who was totally BRILLIANT!
And to Garcon...
I know I've said some not nice things about you (like how you can hardly catch a football) but they way you played on Sunday- I take back...1/2 of what I said.
And please play that way on February 7th.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
"i just really felt a connection"
can you guess what we might be talking about today?
yes. The Bachelor. sigh. this show is wearing me out!
the numbers are dwindling though. just close your eyes vanessa it will all be over soon.
deep breath.
ok.
ready.
As usual we start with individual dates and the first one went to Vienna.
poor poor immature Vienna. The went bungee jumping and Vienna felt " a very strong connection" to Jake.
He gave her a rose that would assure her safety at rose ceremony and the girls were none too pleased.
Especially this poster child for emotional stability...Michelle.
Who said "I view myself as very attractive and Vienna is the opposite of everything I am on the outside". Wow do ya hear that Vienna? I think it's the bus coming to roll right over you.
Don't worry she wasn't the only passenger on that bus. Pretty much every girl in the house has a lot of feelings about Vienna.
Back to their date though I thought it was funny that Vienna is like supposedly terrified of heights and so is Jake and Jake said after their date "I'm glad we could go through something that scares us together because I know that her feelings are genuine and we can get through it together".
I was waiting for him to make some girl walk on glass shards. "Walk girl! I won't know you love me until you bleed for me!"
Maybe not.
Back at the house Vienna undergoes some harsh words from the other girls. She goes to apologize to the girls for her behavior and it reminded me of the apology Gretchen gave in "Mean Girls" when she says...
"I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm popular."
Oh Vienna please go home soon.
The group date went to a comedy club. Michelle was included in this group and was pretty much pouty the entire time until she got up to give her comedic routine and she really livened the place up! (not) she actually got booed off stage. surprised? I find her about as funny as finding your pet rabbit boiling on your stove...so not surprised.
During the date Kathryn (who I also like)
got Jake to kiss her which provoked these romantic words from Michelle...
"When Jake and I kiss it will be long and passionate soft crazy tongue in your mouth crazy lip pulling hair whatever you know....ripping the clothes off. I have some things up my sleeve to get his attention".
Well you got the crazy part right. And I'm starting to think those "things" up your sleeve are Roofies.
And just FYI NONE of the girls were very funny. Which is interesting because I can think of about 7 hilarious things about your situation.
Like this one...
"Knock knock"
"Who's There?"
"Orange"
"Orange who?"
"Orange you glad that girl didn't come back with a rose?"
or my sisters...
"What do you call one piece of meat and 25 hyenas?"
"THE BACHELOR"
Thank you. We're currently setting up dates for our tour.
Moving on...
back to Michelle. She just was such a mess this episode I don't even know where to go next. How about this statement she made
" I really want to get married and give my mom another grandbaby. It's my turn."
As Elizabeth states..."that girl doesn't need a husband. But I think she needs a therapist".
She starts yet another one-on-one with Jake by informing him that she's been crying, this time because she's the only one who's truly there for love. ''I really, really, really want a husband,'' she tells Jake, who responds in his best talk-the-jumper-off-the-ledge tone: ''I believe you.'' It only gets worse from there, as Michelle veers from weepy to demanding within seconds. Then... ''Would it be awkward if I asked if I could kiss you to see if I really feel something, for me?'' Jake spends six long, silent seconds desperately trying to come up with a reason to decline before giving up and reluctantly leaning in.
Michelle demands that he give her ''something more than that,'' and something inside of him snaps: ''I'm almost ready for this night to be over,'' he tells her. ''I just want to go home.'' She interrupts him with an ultimatum — ''I can't stay.... If you want me to stay I will stay, but...'' — and that's about all it takes for the Bachelor to grow a pair: ''Michelle, I think it would be better if you did leave.''
The heavens parted and I heard the "Hallelujah chorus.
He called your bluff sister! Peace out and enjoy your ride on the crazy train!
Monkey Baby
went on a trip to Sea World with Jake. She's a nice enough girl with just a dash of crazy like when she compared waiting for a date with Jake to "waiting for your groom on your wedding day"
Or how I can see her photo shopping Jakes head into all her family portraits. Or when she exclaims she LOVES dolphins and all I could picture was TLC's new show "My Dolphin Baby".
All that aside I just in the end feel no chemistry between them but she of course feels a "strong connection" to him.
At the rose ceremony "old fashioned girl with good morals" Elizabeth
goes up to Jake and asks if he is good at back rubs.
It cuts to Jake talking to the cameras alone where he says "I feel like Elizabeth is a contradiction. She doesn't want me to kiss her but physically she is all over me". He calls her out on it...she (weakly) defends herself and in the end he sent her packing.
I know a lot of these girls are starting to come up with strategies for how to win Jake's heart. Some choose overt sexuality, some earnest, some aloof....however if you're this girl your strategy may be...
obscurity.
Who are you?
Apparently her name is Valishia and I had NO recollection of her at all. Maybe that's why you went home. Or did you just get there? Who are you again?
Anyway...next week is supposed to be the "most dramatic Bachelor episode ever" which we've only had 10 times since season 2. Thanks Chris Harrison.
I'd like to leave you with some jokes that Jake told at the comedy club...
"You know you're the Bachelor when every girl you ask out says yes"
"You know you're the Bachelor when you spend more time in a hot tub than anywhere else"
"You know you're the Bachelor when the only other man you see for weeks is Chris Harrison"
Aww....funny Jake.
Thoughts???
yes. The Bachelor. sigh. this show is wearing me out!
the numbers are dwindling though. just close your eyes vanessa it will all be over soon.
deep breath.
ok.
ready.
As usual we start with individual dates and the first one went to Vienna.
poor poor immature Vienna. The went bungee jumping and Vienna felt " a very strong connection" to Jake.
He gave her a rose that would assure her safety at rose ceremony and the girls were none too pleased.
Especially this poster child for emotional stability...Michelle.
Who said "I view myself as very attractive and Vienna is the opposite of everything I am on the outside". Wow do ya hear that Vienna? I think it's the bus coming to roll right over you.
Don't worry she wasn't the only passenger on that bus. Pretty much every girl in the house has a lot of feelings about Vienna.
Back to their date though I thought it was funny that Vienna is like supposedly terrified of heights and so is Jake and Jake said after their date "I'm glad we could go through something that scares us together because I know that her feelings are genuine and we can get through it together".
I was waiting for him to make some girl walk on glass shards. "Walk girl! I won't know you love me until you bleed for me!"
Maybe not.
Back at the house Vienna undergoes some harsh words from the other girls. She goes to apologize to the girls for her behavior and it reminded me of the apology Gretchen gave in "Mean Girls" when she says...
"I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm popular."
Oh Vienna please go home soon.
The group date went to a comedy club. Michelle was included in this group and was pretty much pouty the entire time until she got up to give her comedic routine and she really livened the place up! (not) she actually got booed off stage. surprised? I find her about as funny as finding your pet rabbit boiling on your stove...so not surprised.
During the date Kathryn (who I also like)
got Jake to kiss her which provoked these romantic words from Michelle...
"When Jake and I kiss it will be long and passionate soft crazy tongue in your mouth crazy lip pulling hair whatever you know....ripping the clothes off. I have some things up my sleeve to get his attention".
Well you got the crazy part right. And I'm starting to think those "things" up your sleeve are Roofies.
And just FYI NONE of the girls were very funny. Which is interesting because I can think of about 7 hilarious things about your situation.
Like this one...
"Knock knock"
"Who's There?"
"Orange"
"Orange who?"
"Orange you glad that girl didn't come back with a rose?"
or my sisters...
"What do you call one piece of meat and 25 hyenas?"
"THE BACHELOR"
Thank you. We're currently setting up dates for our tour.
Moving on...
back to Michelle. She just was such a mess this episode I don't even know where to go next. How about this statement she made
" I really want to get married and give my mom another grandbaby. It's my turn."
As Elizabeth states..."that girl doesn't need a husband. But I think she needs a therapist".
She starts yet another one-on-one with Jake by informing him that she's been crying, this time because she's the only one who's truly there for love. ''I really, really, really want a husband,'' she tells Jake, who responds in his best talk-the-jumper-off-the-ledge tone: ''I believe you.'' It only gets worse from there, as Michelle veers from weepy to demanding within seconds. Then... ''Would it be awkward if I asked if I could kiss you to see if I really feel something, for me?'' Jake spends six long, silent seconds desperately trying to come up with a reason to decline before giving up and reluctantly leaning in.
Michelle demands that he give her ''something more than that,'' and something inside of him snaps: ''I'm almost ready for this night to be over,'' he tells her. ''I just want to go home.'' She interrupts him with an ultimatum — ''I can't stay.... If you want me to stay I will stay, but...'' — and that's about all it takes for the Bachelor to grow a pair: ''Michelle, I think it would be better if you did leave.''
The heavens parted and I heard the "Hallelujah chorus.
He called your bluff sister! Peace out and enjoy your ride on the crazy train!
Monkey Baby
went on a trip to Sea World with Jake. She's a nice enough girl with just a dash of crazy like when she compared waiting for a date with Jake to "waiting for your groom on your wedding day"
Or how I can see her photo shopping Jakes head into all her family portraits. Or when she exclaims she LOVES dolphins and all I could picture was TLC's new show "My Dolphin Baby".
All that aside I just in the end feel no chemistry between them but she of course feels a "strong connection" to him.
At the rose ceremony "old fashioned girl with good morals" Elizabeth
goes up to Jake and asks if he is good at back rubs.
It cuts to Jake talking to the cameras alone where he says "I feel like Elizabeth is a contradiction. She doesn't want me to kiss her but physically she is all over me". He calls her out on it...she (weakly) defends herself and in the end he sent her packing.
I know a lot of these girls are starting to come up with strategies for how to win Jake's heart. Some choose overt sexuality, some earnest, some aloof....however if you're this girl your strategy may be...
obscurity.
Who are you?
Apparently her name is Valishia and I had NO recollection of her at all. Maybe that's why you went home. Or did you just get there? Who are you again?
Anyway...next week is supposed to be the "most dramatic Bachelor episode ever" which we've only had 10 times since season 2. Thanks Chris Harrison.
I'd like to leave you with some jokes that Jake told at the comedy club...
"You know you're the Bachelor when every girl you ask out says yes"
"You know you're the Bachelor when you spend more time in a hot tub than anywhere else"
"You know you're the Bachelor when the only other man you see for weeks is Chris Harrison"
Aww....funny Jake.
Thoughts???
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