and the golden globe goes to...

me of course!

So I did watch the Golden Globes last night (after the football game of course....and that is a topic for another day but let's just say I'm happy the Jets won)

The only real reason I watch is for the dresses! Here are my own awards for the best/worst dressed at the event...

We'll start with the ones I didn't like so much:

Most deserving of being stepped on: Chloe Sevigny
(a helper stepped on her dress and ripped it while she was accepting her award...you were asking for it sister and you look like you're trying to catch a breeze and fly)

Most channeling 80's prom: Diane Kruger
bold but not my fave


Most channeling a previous role: Halle Berry
catwoman anyone?


I couldn't find anything to wear so I made this out of a nightgown: Marion Cotillard


And for the best...

Most creative without looking tacky: Drew Barrymore


Most flattering: Emily Blunt


Going all out: Heidi Klum


Prettiest color: Sandra Bullock


Sexy yet Classy: Kate Winslet (I'm obsessed with her)


Go Big or Go Home: Lea Michele and Dianna Agron from Glee (and they both look gorgeous!)


Cutest preggers dress: Amy Adams


Most all around stunning: Reese Witherspoon (couldn't find a pic of the entire dress but she just looked so classic and beautiful from hair make up etc...I love her)


And I decided that if I were to attend the Golden Globes and was as amazingly beautiful as Reese Witherspoon I would wear this...


And I've already written my acceptance speech. I will totally play it off like I'm surprised and honored and that I don't have a written speech in my handbag that I've been memorizing for weeks...
uh duh it's called ACTING!

Anyone else watch? What did you think?

my current obsession(s)

currently I have a strange obsession with the
yellow/gray color combo
i've currently planned my entire future around it.
first i'll have a yellow/gray themed wedding
perhaps to the man on the left of your screen?
maybe?






(a cupcake cake of course...so much better than actual cake)

then we'll decorate our house...





and then our beautiful children will come along.


even though it's not yellow/gray i still really like it.

and i want to have girls.

and we'll live happily ever after. the end.

and for when that doesn't happen i'll make sure to be wearing this mascara when the tears fall...
obsessed with it.

seriously you can work out in it, sleep in it, whatever and it still looks great. I LOVE IT!

to fancy it up a bit I'll use this mascara first....

and then put a top coat of the Lash Blast over it.

songs i'm currently obsessed with...
Love Me : Justin Bieber
Tik Tok: Kesha
Replay: Iyaz
Ras Trent & Dreamgirl: The Lonely Island
Hold On: Michael Buble
Sunburn: Owl City
Face Drop: Sean Kingston
Cute: Stephen Jerzak

also a classic

love them

and of course....

but that's not a new story.

how about you? any current obsessions (I mean besides me and my blog...)???

my day today consists of....

believing in BLUE

c'mon boys...I want to see some of this

some of this

some of this

definitely some of this...

and hopefully it can all lead up to this...(again)

GO COLTS!

i would love to fly to the moon but i can't...

said in a british accent. like simon cowell. because he is the one who said that in response to a poor unsuspected auditioner who said "i would love to be a singer".

that's right folks....AMERICAN IDOL IS BACK!

are you excited? i was.
first we head out to Boston

posh spice aka mrs. david beckham, aka victoria beckham, aka MY IDOL was a guest judge the first night. i just love her. she is so major. anyone remember when she had that 1 hour special about them moving to LA and she met her neighbors???


MAY-JA...

anyway she was fab as usual on American Idol. If we could keep her on permanently I may continue to watch the show after Simon leaves. WHAT??!! Yes. Simon is leaving next season. I'm so heartbroken. I was fully convinced that Simon and Paula were going to fall in love and have crazy hyper-critical children.

Besides I love little kids with British accents. They are like miniature sophisticated adults.

Moving on to those other 2 horrible judges that sit next to Simon. Honestly I would leave the show too.

Randy...what is growing on your face? And why are you ALWAYS surprised that someone can sing good? And how many "best vocals no doubt we've seen"...have we seen? And one last thing...what is with the made up numbers? "A million gazillion thousand trillion five yes". Go to school.


And of course Kara DioIwishyouhadleftinsteadofpaulabecauseyouannoyme.

Or DioGuardi
You are always so angry all the time. And seriously I know that you are like supposedly a singer but do you have to prove it by silently lip syncing along with everyone who auditions????
Stop that.
And how many people are you going to tell they have soul? Just because you don't have a soul doesn't mean you need to tell everyone else how great of one they have.
Just sayin.

Ryan? Ryan? Seacrest? Oh sorry I didn't see you there behind that grain of rice. Boom! Roasted.
You're still prettier than me.


Moving on to my favorite contestants...
Angry Clark Kent

I liked him because he riled Kara up so much. Yeah he was arrogant but so are you.

Hot Mormon guy aka Justin Williams
I'm in Utah now and I'm coming for you.


Moving onto Hot-lanta (or Atlanta...I've heard it both ways)
Mary J. Blige guest judged on this one and I felt so bad for her. She had this look on her face that said "what am I doing in this room with all these crazy white people" the entire show.


My favorite contestants in this city consisted of:
Guitar girl

She was great

Skii Bow Ski: he is like the Atlanta version of "The Situation"


and of course
Pants on the Ground

I want this as my ring tone

A few other observations I made:
Where do all those people run off to after their auditions? They always show them coming out of the building and then running manically down the street. Where is your car parked?

There are so many incredible 16 year olds out there! Oh my goodness when I was 16 I was still in my room listening to Britney Spears and fantasizing about marrying Justin Timberlake. Way to go teens!

Apparently since AI lost their hot mess on the show they have decided to spend a whole lot of time and money on weird/dramatic/terrible visual effects. Case in point....


Speaking of hot messes has anyone seen Paula Abdul lately?

Miss ya.

The southern tryouts never fail to bring out EVERY redneck hillbilly this great nation has to offer. And I love it.

All in all a great start.

In closing all I have to say is
pants on the ground pants on the ground lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.

True that.

i went to the jersey shore and all i got was AWESOME

seriously you guys...if you aren't watching "Jersey Shore" stop what you are doing and please do. I was dead set on not watching it but then it was On Demand and I had nothing better to do and now I'm hooked! You may need a Jersey slang dictionary but I think I have most of it down...

Guido: an Italian American man usually residing in New York or New Jersey. He wears shirts that are too tight and unbuttoned 5 buttons too low to show off the chest that he spent hours and hours at the gym obtaining, he spends more time on his hair than his girlfriend, and continues to "hit the clubs" long into his mid to late 30's. Often attracted to the female version of himself, the guidette.

Guidette: Female counterpart to the Guido, meaning vapid, vain, and shortsighted. Can be spotted generally according to lack of clothing, and lack of breathability in said clothing. Often speaks in a high, shrill voice---almost like a mating call to attract guidos. Daily life consists of clubbing, tanning, shopping, perhaps exercise or work, and not a whole lot else.


Creeping: how Guidos pick up chicks...a synomym might be "macking'

Fist Pump: The art or act of engaging in clenching, then raising one fist or both fists, and pumping them rhythmically or out of beat to house/techno music.

GTL: "Gym Tanning Laundry"...how a Guido spends his day...so he can look fresh to death.

These people are amazing with names like "Pauly-D", "Snooki", "JWOWW", and "The Situation" I'm so in love.

The new 2 hour episode is on tonight and I'm preparing by emphatically fist pumping in my bedroom...
and maybe if I'm lucky some of this

Along with the premiere of Grey's Anatomy, Project Runway, and Real Housewives of Orange County
I love Thursdays.
What shows are ya'll addicted to???

love can be turbulent...

as we've seen from The Bachelor: On The Wings of Love. Just to get you in the mood for this post I've decided to share this with you...



once again...you're welcome.

Week 2 and don't worry I still experienced100 percent of the shame and self-loathing I typically get from tuning in to the one reality hour that’s in direct opposition to everything I’ve ever stood for as a human being. And because The Bachelor consistently gives me so much, well, um — I don’t know, reason to go back to my therapist, maybe?...I've decided to hand out some awards again.
Creepiest quote of the night: Christina

for saying "this will be the best first date with my future husband"...hmm...maybe that's why you went home? Or maybe it was the slurred speech and strange noises you were making after you took the words "open bar" literally.

Worst play of the "moral values" card: Elizabeth

who told Jake that she didn't want him to kiss her until it was her he chose at the end. Ok I understand that...but then when you proceed to torture him saying things like "don't you want to kiss me right now?" "I really really want to kiss you right now" "I'm a really good kisser...and I've heard you are too"...then it becomes a game. Look up horrid little skank in Websters and you might see yourself.

Best/Worst excuse for having an illicit affair with a staff member: Rozlyn

whose iron clad defense for her actions was "well I just don't think my personal life is anyone's business". You're right. That's why you signed up for a reality show.

Best attempt at a heart breaking story: Vienna

who started to explain that she was once the preachers daughter and was engaged to this great guy in high school and then at 17 decided she was too young to get married and then after her ex-fiance got married she ran off and eloped with some guy. Umm...I'm sorry but isn't that a Toby Keith song???

Best attempt at a career comeback: Chicago who make a guest appearance playing a concert in the park for Ali and Jake's date....awwwww. I love you guys.

Best hidden monkey baby: Ella.

I know she has one guys. I just know it.

The one who still hasn't annoyed me: Ali.

She is just so cute and down to earth. I mean sister jumped onto Jake's motorcycle in a short dress and heels! Props! AND she faced her greatest fear of flying in Jake's tiny little plane. If that isn't love I don't know what is.

Most likely to end up next to Jake's bed whispering in pig latin while wearing a wedding dress:...oh yeah you know who I'm talking about...Michelle


Who threatened to leave after Jake didn't take her on a one on one date. She then proceeded to cry 4 times. And as much as I dislike Vienna I'm going to agree with her on the fact that the minute Jake walks into the room this chick immediately dries it up and acts like she's this happy emotionally balanced person. The only time she is weepy around Jake is when she is professing her desire to find true love and Jake eats it up! Poor guy. Which leads me to another award to my friend Jen who texted me : "I really hope Michelle and all her personalities leave". Amen Jen.

So what did you guys think? And what awards would you hand out???

the situation

Ok guys don't worry...I've got plenty to blog about between Week 2 of The Bachelor: Where are the parachutes because I'm jumping off this airplane...of love, American Idol, and my new favorite guilty pleasures "Teen Mom" and "Jersey Shore" (don't judge me)....I'll be busy for the next little while.

Unfortunately I've also been VERY preoccupied with this baby....


I'm in love! I'm in love! And I don't care who knows it!

Seriously. It's amazing. I'm burning like 650 calories every day and having fun! How is that possible???
AND...for those of you who know that I have severe and debilitating ADD...it's perfect for me. Lot's of colors and scenery to look it and watching my Mii pedal a bike is just so fun. I highly recommend this for anyone who hates working out because it's boring.

Anyway...so stay tuned because I've got a ton to update you on!

To keep you occupied while I'm getting my thoughts collected...I present you with this.



In the Venn diagram of things I adore, this "Shy Ronnie" digital short on SNL has pretty much the biggest overlap of everything, ever.

You're welcome.

On The Wings of Love...get me out of here!

Is it possible for television to crush your soul? Probably not but it sure felt like it while watching the season premiere of The Bachelor: On The Wings of Love (seriously...they are really calling it that). Granted the show has never really been feel-good reality television (these girls have serious self confidence issues) but watching uni bomber Michelle announce that "where I am in life right now I deserve Jake. I want a husband and I need this" I felt emotionally dead inside.

You knew this was going to be great when we heard Christina announce that she's "a little bitchy"...in girl language that means: I will take out all my feelings of self loathing and low self esteem on any one of you who thinks you even have the slightest chance with Jake. Let's just be honest.

I hoped against all indicators that these chicks would keep it together when Jake chose to send 10 of them home however I counted 4 of the 10 crying upon their exit.

Can I just remind you that you JUST MET HIM??? And may I suggest that instead of wasting money on airfare to fly to L.A. you instead get in your car and drive to the nearest licensed therapist?

And let's just talk about Vienna for a moment speaking of emotional homicide...the following is a direct quote from the 23 year old
"I am definitely a daddy's girl he buys me things all the time. Right now I just have my baby (referring to the toy size "dog" sitting on her lap begging to be rescued...of course) but you never know I just might be bringing her home a daddy!"

Hello pencil...meet eyeball and repeat at least 60 times until I get the feeling back in my major extremities.

I'm also calling it right now that the single mom and the 29 year old nanny (seriously...get a real job!) are certifiable.
I'm pretty sure that crazy mom may also have a monkey baby...anyone else with me?

And here's my version of "The Bachelor" by the numbers:

# of times the word "Amazing" was used: 3
# of times the word "Nervous" was used: 15
but both were topped but the word "Excited" with 23 times used

# of times Jake was shown shirtless: 6
# of times water was shown dripping down his "perfect abs": 3

# of "professional" models on the show: 5

# of times either Chris Harrison or one of the girls made some "witty" pun that involved Jake being a pilot: 26 (milk it for all it's worth kids)

Throw in 2 girls falling, a sociopath dressed up like a flight attendant, and an impromptu game of pageant gown football and you've got yourself a show.

Jake gave the first impression rose to Tenley who is so emotionally damaged its sad to think that her family even enabled this self mutilating behavior.

To wrap it up I have a little award ceremony for ya'll to enjoy:

Best Dress: Ali

Worst Dress: Alexa (seriously between the Madonna-style lace gloves of the see through material that clearly was a negligee in a former life...it was hideous).

Most Crazy: Michelle. Hands down. (she cried 3 times all by her self just FYI)

Psycho Biatch: Christina

Most Tipsy: Jessie (how many glasses of champagne did you drink in the limo drunky?)

Most Fake: Gia

And I'm sure you heard about the whole scandal how one of the producers and one of the contestants has an illicit affair???
My bet on the one who strays from Jake is....Gia or Vienna

My current favorite by far is Ali. She's way cute and down to earth.

So now I want to hear from you!!! Favorites? I know it's hard to find one in this bunch. Will you back for episode 2 of the most dramatic season of The Bachelor EVER???

For those of you whose answer may be no how about checking out the brand new dating show that is sure to lead people to their soul mate....

Conveyor Belt of Love

No I'm not joking.

*As a side note special thanks goes to my friend Jen who not only contributed great amounts of witty commentary via text message while watching The Bachelor (together from different states) but is also one of my greatest friends. :)

And....we're back

Anyone know what premieres tonight?

Anyone?

Bueller....Bueller....

All right well

If you guessed
The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love


Then you sir are correct.

One big hot mess of mascara running down faces, cat fights, and general lack of dignity coming right up.

I love it.

caramel apple dippin and lego batman playin...

For Christmas the Miguels got us this really cool apple dipper so last night we decided to try it out!



We had fun and they were delicious! Thanks Miguels!

On a side note my little brother and I have been addicted to this over the last few days...

Yesterday we played for like 4 hours straight no joke.

Whilst in the middle of playing this game and eating pizza rolls my mom said this to me "Vanessa you really are like a guy...mentally"
And it got me thinking...I mean I love make up, getting my hair highlighted and doing girly things but honestly I would much rather watch the football game wearing no make up and (cute...perhaps yoga style) sweatpants.
On facebook I recently announced that I sometimes hate shopping to which my very good friend Bryan stated "So...you hate shopping and you love football? Marry me."
I hate when my mom is right.