Mom

I never needed my mom.  I was born with an innate stubbornness, a fierce independence, the belief that I knew everything and I could do it all on my own (except when I needed something like money or a ride...I was a real treat of a child).  I didn't talk to my mom.  I didn't share things with her.  I didn't tell her about my insecurities, being bullied, feeling like no one liked me, friends being mean to me, or any of my failures.  I wanted my parents to think I was perfect.  I wanted them to think that I had everything under control and I had it all figured out.  I was an overweight preteen with acne so...I had literally nothing figured out y'all.
When things got hard in my family I got resentful and angry.  And can you guess who I took all that anger and resentment out on?  My mom.  It wasn't fair and I'm sure Freud would have something to say about it but I did it nonetheless.
So here I am 30 years from my birth and 20 something years from ceasing to feel like I needed my mom and yet if there is one person I need more than anyone else on the earth...it's her.
So what changes?  Maturity I suppose.  Life experiences definitely.  Calling your mom from Target having a Level 5 meltdown because you don't know what kind of jam to buy can humble you a bit too.  With maturity and life experiences comes reflection.  And as I've reflected...this is what I've realized

• The woman who drove me to school and dance lessons was my mom
• The woman who calmed me down after a yelling match with my dad about homework was my mom
• The woman who would make every single holiday feel special was my mom (seriously...even Valentine's Day you guys)
• The woman who had huge dreams and the talent to make them come true but sacrificed all of that for a family was my mom
• The woman who lost her daughter and her mother within 2 years of each other and still forged ahead was my mom
• The woman who would answer the phone every day I called from college crying was my mom (this was the first time I was in college...we'll get to nursing school in a minute)
• The woman who can make you laugh until you pee your pants is my mom
• The woman who would still get up early in the morning so you don't have to walk in the cold and snow is my mom
• The woman who will answer the phone even though she's in bed and listen to me vent about hurt feelings is my mom
• The woman who would defend her children until her last breath is my mom
• The woman who passionately encourages me to pursue my dream of being a nurse is my mom
• The woman who believes in me is my mom
• The woman who taught me to value myself is my mom
• The woman who loves me even though I am still stubborn, fiercely independent, and a know-it-all is my mom
• The woman who thinks I'm wonderful even though I am terribly flawed is my mom

I wish all the time these days that I could see myself through my mom's eyes.  Moms have a special way of seeing their children.  A special way of knowing just what to say and just when to say it.  A way to keep the entire family together.  Dads are cool but moms hold it all together.  Even if you may not have your mom in your life for whatever reason...chances are....you know a mom.  And I would bet everything I have (it's not much..don't get excited) they posses these same qualities.  They will listen to you when you're elated or when your heart is breaking.  They would fight for you.  They would help you any way they could.  They would defend you and love you so much you don't know what to do with it all. 

Because moms are magic.  My mom is magic.  I don't know much...but I know that.