Friday, March 13, 2015

The Big* Post

*pun in title not intended but also hilarious so I'm keeping it.

So this is a post I've wanted to do for awhile but I just kept putting it off.  I think I finally figured out why.  Because a part of me feels shameful about it.  Let me explain.
Back in September I made a decision about my life and myself.  I was pretty overweight and felt completely out of control of my life.  I had struggled with my weight most of my life but high school and college is when it got bad.  The summer before my freshman year my family moved across the country.  I had no friends and felt so out of place.  I probably gained 20-30 pounds in high school.  The year I went to college was a year of a lot of change for me.  I was again across the country...this time without my family, and while I was there my family went through the hardest thing that has ever happened to them.  My little sister passed away unexpectedly.  This was so hard for everyone and instead of dealing with it in a healthy way....I did the opposite.  I think I coped with everything in my life, including my anxiety, with food.  It's a strange thing when you think about it.  At what point did food become tied with emotions?  Our ancestors didn't do that....so why do we?  I don't think I ever knew why I did it but I did know I wanted to change it.  So back in September I decided it was finally time to make a change.  Not because I wanted to look like a super model (that will probably never happen and I'm 100% ok with that) but because I wanted to be healthy.  I wanted to live life to the fullest and experience everything this world has to offer.  In my life I've become a pretty confident person.  I know that I have a lot to offer.  I'm smart, I'm a hard worker, I have a pretty decent sense of humor.  I guess I just always knew that the person I was on the inside was not reflecting the person I was on the outside.  I really felt held back and tied down by my weight.
And let's just be really really honest for a second....our world does not accept overweight.  The world does things like "sympathize" with or feel sorry for people who are overweight but they don't ever really accept them.  They're still "others".  Have I mentioned that we live in a really weird world???
I would like to clarify that I am a firm believer that everyone should be happy with the way they look and who they are.  If you are 300 lbs. and you are comfortable and happy with  yourself....rock on.  Like I said...for me personally, it was mostly about health (even though I also hated being in pictures..the vain part of me needs to make that known)  I knew I wasn't healthy which was not making me happy.
So I made a change.
Now for the scary part....yes.  Pictures.  This is the reason I've been putting this post off.  Even though most of my friends and family saw me like this....I know I wasn't happy and I felt out of control so obviously....I don't want to post those pictures but I'm going to do it anyway...


There it is.  The reveal. 70 pounds gone.  A lot of people I've met since I've done this so they don't even know this about me.  I feel like I've lived 2 completely separate lives.  This has been the greatest journey of my life.  I have learned so much about myself...that I am strong, that I am dedicated, that I can do hard things.  This has been the hardest work I have ever done (and I'm not even done yet) but also the most rewarding. You know how nice it is to be able to shop in a regular store and KNOW that they have my size?  I can even shop in the JRs department....if you've always been able to do this....you definitely take it for granted.  All the silly insignificant stuff aside.. I also discovered that our physical bodies are so connected to our spiritual bodies.  When I started working on my body, I could feel the connection to my spirit so much stronger.  I was able to change a lot of things in my life, strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father, and I even went through the temple (the happiest and best day of my life).  

I have learned that nothing is impossible.  I am a regular person.  I am not a celebrity who had a trainer and someone cooking for me every day.  I busted my butt and I changed my entire lifestyle.  I can actually do a spin class now without wanting to puke (I know) and I'm even planning on doing a 5K.  My goal is to run a marathon someday (I actually like running!  I know....I've become one of those people). I have learned how to deal with emotions in healthy ways.  Instead of soothing emotions with food I go to the gym or walk outside or meditate.  I did have the support of my good friend Lindsay who I have to thank for all the help and motivation she gave me (she helps people...if you want her info let me know because she might be the greatest human being alive).  It is not too late to do the things you want to do.  Life is short!!!  Live it to it's fullest potential!  I really am so in love with my life now and the energy I have to live it.  If you are waiting to change something in your life...whatever it might be...DO NOT WAIT.  Do it now.  And I promise you are so much stronger than you think you are. 


xoxo
V

6 comments:

Robinson Family said...

Way to go Vanessa!!! That is a huge accomplishment!!! I have been on a bit of the same journey myself, losing weight and getting in better shape. You've always been beautiful!!! Now, I'm glad you feel as beautiful inside and out as you are! I also agree that when you feel better and accomplish hard things, you feel the Spirit more in your life too! I'm so proud of you and your incredible journey. I ran a 5K over a year ago with Dallin and Ryan, and it was so neat to do it together with my son. I'm proud of you for wanting to do a marathon too! Good luck on your continued journey! Thanks for sharing!!

Robinson Family said...

Way to go Vanessa!!! That is a huge accomplishment!!! I have been on a bit of the same journey myself, losing weight and getting in better shape. You've always been beautiful!!! Now, I'm glad you feel as beautiful inside and out as you are! I also agree that when you feel better and accomplish hard things, you feel the Spirit more in your life too! I'm so proud of you and your incredible journey. I ran a 5K over a year ago with Dallin and Ryan, and it was so neat to do it together with my son. I'm proud of you for wanting to do a marathon too! Good luck on your continued journey! Thanks for sharing!!

Vandi Miranda said...

Congrats! You have motivated me!

Emma said...

Vanessa, I love this post, and I am so happy for you!! My trips to Utah are always super quick work trips, but we need to catch up when I'm there someday!

pzabel63 said...

You have always been beautiful. I am glad that you feel beautiful. <3

bryony grace said...

That's amazing well done!
I've gone through a lot of body confidence issues not in the same way you have but I totally agree that we should all feel okay with how we look and who we are.
I love stories like yours because it shows you can do anything if you put your mind to it.
http://itsbryonysblog.blogspot.co.uk/

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