The day we met a serial killer

Welcome to home town dates on the Bachelorette everyone!  Meeting the parents of your maybe probably not future husband can be nerve wracking.  The pressure, the questions, the bodies in the basement (we'll get to that later).

Roberto was first.  He lives in Tampa Florida.
They go to a baseball field. Ali keeps laughing way too much. Roberto gives her a jersey with his number and her name on it. This makes her laugh uncontrollably.
As a side note....Roberto looks pretty decent in a baseball uniform.  And by decent I mean I wanted to jump through my TV screen and scream "Marry me Roberto and make beautiful mixed race babies with me!"...or something like that.

 Ali says seeing Roberto in his uniform "makes her proud". Proud? Not sure what level ball "Tampa" is, but it's probably the level Michael Jordan plays in when he gets bored.
They play baseball together. And by play I mean Ali laughs and keeps jumping on top of him.

She meets Roberto's family. His dad is Roberto Sr., his sister is Olga, and his mom is Olga...Sr.? Our names are so awesome we have to name our kids the same thing! The Olga tradition must live on!

Roberto's padre is worried because Ali "has a lot of things she wants to do". He says that Roberto has big goals and his job "might take him many places". Uh, isn't he an insurance agent?
I also think Roberto's mom gave birth to him when she was 12.

And also...if you only watched this show, you'd just assume that latinos are constantly salsa dancing.

Hometown date #2- Chris

I love Chris and I love his family- especially his dad!  His dad is so sweet and so cute I just want to squish his face!
Chris also finally learned how to make out with Ali.  I'm so proud!

Hometown date #3- Kirky
Kirk is from a broken home so 2 houses for this date.  First up is Dad's house and Ali and Kirk's step-mom share a totally awesome awkward hug.

Kirk's dad has a mustache, that's pretty much all you need to know. He takes Ali to his basement where he keeps his stuffed animals. He does taxidermy. And there's a freezer of weird animal blood and stuff among the popcicles might I add- as in "here's your juice pop and here's your goat intestine while we're at it". I think this is Jeffrey Dahmer's old house.

I'm pretty sure that taxidermy is the creepiest hobby in the entire world.  It's been featured on the show "Criminal Minds" many times.  I try to live my life by the phrase "if a psycho on Criminal Minds does it...you probably shouldn't" but you know...that's just me.
My favorite piece was a caribou foot that Kirk's dad glued eyes to so it looks like an owl....or you know a caribou foot with eyes. (SO NOT creepy!)
I'd like to take a break for a quick poll-
If a guy you were dating had a dad with a creepy mustache and he said "So....you want to see my basement?".....theoretically what would you do? Scream or just immediately dial 911?
Just curious.


Side note on fashion- Ali is wearing "mistake jeans" as in it would be a mistake to ever wear those jeans and her hair is once again looking very unfortunate.


And I will say...aside from being a serial killer Kirk's dad is a pretty cool guy.

Next, they go to mom's house. Grandma is there, his mom, and his sister. They all look alike, and grandma is the hottest one. And Grandma is bald. Where did Kirk come from?
Holy braces and bump-it Batman! On Kirk's mom that is... (I had no idea she was a pre-pubescent girl).

Sometimes I wonder where all these guys end up after the Bachelor....except for Frank.  I know exactly where he'll be after the show is over...
hanging out in his parent's house writing awful screenplays and dreaming about Ryan Seacrest.
Speaking of good ol' Mango he's up for the last home town date!
Frank cries some more (shocker!) and would it surprise you that he is wearing the deepest baby V-neck T shirt I've ever seen?
Obviously this relationship is going to work.
Frank's sister calls Frank "an emotional guy"...Ali swoons, I vomit.

ROSE CEREMONY TIME!!!
Roberto- safe
Chris- safe

This was a horrible order for the producers to go in because we know that Mango is going to have his huge melt-down next week!
So it's bye bye Kirk!
I'm not sure what really cost Kirk. They seemed to have a nice thing going. The family visit didn't help matters, but still...you can't blame his mom's braces for everything.

Next Week: Frank loses it and acts like a tool.

*Just because I know you wanted to see this again....



You're welcome.