Wednesday, January 13, 2010

love can be turbulent...

as we've seen from The Bachelor: On The Wings of Love. Just to get you in the mood for this post I've decided to share this with you...



once again...you're welcome.

Week 2 and don't worry I still experienced100 percent of the shame and self-loathing I typically get from tuning in to the one reality hour that’s in direct opposition to everything I’ve ever stood for as a human being. And because The Bachelor consistently gives me so much, well, um — I don’t know, reason to go back to my therapist, maybe?...I've decided to hand out some awards again.
Creepiest quote of the night: Christina

for saying "this will be the best first date with my future husband"...hmm...maybe that's why you went home? Or maybe it was the slurred speech and strange noises you were making after you took the words "open bar" literally.

Worst play of the "moral values" card: Elizabeth

who told Jake that she didn't want him to kiss her until it was her he chose at the end. Ok I understand that...but then when you proceed to torture him saying things like "don't you want to kiss me right now?" "I really really want to kiss you right now" "I'm a really good kisser...and I've heard you are too"...then it becomes a game. Look up horrid little skank in Websters and you might see yourself.

Best/Worst excuse for having an illicit affair with a staff member: Rozlyn

whose iron clad defense for her actions was "well I just don't think my personal life is anyone's business". You're right. That's why you signed up for a reality show.

Best attempt at a heart breaking story: Vienna

who started to explain that she was once the preachers daughter and was engaged to this great guy in high school and then at 17 decided she was too young to get married and then after her ex-fiance got married she ran off and eloped with some guy. Umm...I'm sorry but isn't that a Toby Keith song???

Best attempt at a career comeback: Chicago who make a guest appearance playing a concert in the park for Ali and Jake's date....awwwww. I love you guys.

Best hidden monkey baby: Ella.

I know she has one guys. I just know it.

The one who still hasn't annoyed me: Ali.

She is just so cute and down to earth. I mean sister jumped onto Jake's motorcycle in a short dress and heels! Props! AND she faced her greatest fear of flying in Jake's tiny little plane. If that isn't love I don't know what is.

Most likely to end up next to Jake's bed whispering in pig latin while wearing a wedding dress:...oh yeah you know who I'm talking about...Michelle


Who threatened to leave after Jake didn't take her on a one on one date. She then proceeded to cry 4 times. And as much as I dislike Vienna I'm going to agree with her on the fact that the minute Jake walks into the room this chick immediately dries it up and acts like she's this happy emotionally balanced person. The only time she is weepy around Jake is when she is professing her desire to find true love and Jake eats it up! Poor guy. Which leads me to another award to my friend Jen who texted me : "I really hope Michelle and all her personalities leave". Amen Jen.

So what did you guys think? And what awards would you hand out???

2 comments:

  1. Do you write these for me?!? I hope you have me in mind because seriously, I laugh so hard reading your updates...I even was telling Kelly all about them and she read this recent one with me and we laughed so hard! The "Who Are You? and Where Did You Come From?" award goes to Felicia. The "Huge Scary Eyes" award goes to Jessie. These awards were given by Kelly.

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  2. fan-freaking-tastic post.

    um, last night was a mini-family game night and my sisterinlaw shan said/created the word "fanasco" i'm pretty sure it best describes what's happening on the bachelor...

    i'd like to give the "aren't we ahead of ourselves" award to ella for already planning her & her son's new life with daddy jakie.... AAAHHHH

    i'd also like to give katherine the, "aw aren't you cute" award cause she and ali are probably the least crazy people in the house.

    and finally to my bff vanessa - the "best assessment of a reality tv show" because your blog makes me wish there was more reality tv out there for you to commentate on, and that's a pretty amazing feat.

    LOVE YOU!
    jen

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